You can't choose family, nor love (hal7283 and Yukonwolfspirit, 18x, private)

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Not sure what Misha made. He won’t tell me.” Ayme sulked happy to see Derrick but clearly upset at Misha that day his moods slightly flipping back and forth at being angry towards Misha and Al. Stabbing at his food Ayme ate but watched the two feeling a little annoyed and paranoid.

 

“It’s lasagna and a healthy green salad!” Misha yelled from the bathroom having fed the twins earlier and was cleaning them up. “Aymes hitting mood swings has been since he woke up. He might be sleeping with you tonight” Misha added annoyed with Ayme but hell he was attempting to reason more with Misha and Al.

 

“Looks like shit. Tastes good though” Ayme muttered with a deepening frown. “Leroy is awake. Think he’s going to be mad I stabbed him in the back again?” Ayme asked Derrick clearly only accepting him and Yu at the moment.

 

“God you have no filter. Still pissed?” Al asked as he came back upstairs and sat his plate in the sink.

[hal7283]

"I can't exactly speak for Leroy, but if I was him, I think I will be more afraid of you being angry at mr for choking you then shooting you multiple times." Derrick said as he stuck his fork into the lasagna. Near death experiences often changes a person drastically and there was simply no telling what effect being dead then brought back to life had no Leroy's already fragile mind. Perhaps he was broken beyond repair, even more so than before. Or perhaps being dead helped out things into perspective and actual helped the man? There was no way to tell other than actually meeting him and talk to him. The worst case scenario.would be that they've just created another Morgan. Only time could tell. Noticing the doctor who'd taken a big role in their new daily routines he asked: "So Al, I was told that you wanted to see me as well? Another couple therapy session?"

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“It would be nice to see if Ayme is telling the truth. He lies a lot and is difficult, also it’s good to make sure to see how you handling all this. Just because you worked in the mafia doesn’t mean you aren’t affected. I just want to check up on you check your wounds and ask some questions Ayme won’t awnser.” Al explained curious to how Derrick was holding up in the whole crash mess Al had gotten sucked into. “Your family is interesting but if it was me, I’d get out of the house more. Medication takes time and therapy can cause fighting. Ayme refuses to sit with Misha and discuss his concerns and as a result your getting two who are fighting. I worry where you fit in because like Leroy I don’t know much about you” Al finished watching Ayme who was staring off into space making him frown a little at the things he was picking up from the male.

[hal7283]

"You wanna know about me huh? Well feel free to psychoanalysis how ever you want but personally I am pretty content right now. I got out if the mafia paying surprisingly little and managed to build up a successful busines. On the domestic side I have my lover with me and three beautiful children. Aside from a third and forth wheel in the relationship there isn't really anything to complain about, and even on that topic I have grown to enjoy their presence Tina certain extent. As for the while mess with the tournament... to be honest it wasn't even the worst thing I have been through in terms of bloodshed. I just hope that Ayme could sort things out with Leroy so we could get back to our normal lives again.",

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“What will you do if they can’t? What if Leroy can’t be fixed and Ayme spirals more? Are you willing to accept that?” Al asked watching Ayme who became very angry at the mention of Leroy Al having purposely stepped on his toes about the subject for the last few days. Glaring Ayme slammed his hands down on the table glaring at Al.

 

“Get the hell out! You! You!” Ayme screamed overly flustered with his feelings before storming off and hiding as best as he could in his room since he couldn’t lock anyone out after Misha had gone through and removed all the but security and baby locks on the house.

 

“Touchy...glad to see others talking about Leroy is a sore spot” Al stated before cleaning up Aymes mess not wanting his efforts to cause more work for Misha. “I don’t want Ayme having false hope, Leroy got into his mindset by believing in a fantasy world that included Ayme. My fear is you’ll all act like nothings wrong like you all can just so easily handle everything that happens around you. You may have a easy time adapting and dealing with this stuff more then others, but I can see Ayme doesn’t. The fact he’s afraid to be alone and he’s hiding it is concerning it makes me wonder what he hides from you and everyone else.” Al finished with a small sigh not sure where to step because for him he only knew Aymes medical side.

 

“Derrick? If your done I want to talk..since Aymes sulking he won’t hear us if we go outside” Misha asked looking at Al who nodded having talked to Misha while Ayme had taken a nap earlier before going outside.

[hal7283]

"Of course I would stick by Ayme no matter what. Ayme changed my life in more ways that you could possibly imagine. In a.way it as him who gave me this new life so it's only fitting that this new life should be devoted to the one who made it possible." Derrick answered Al's question without hesitation. At least from the surface the doctor seemed genuine in trying to help them sort out this mess of a family dynamic. " Well, harem is hard to maintain." Derrick shrugged as Ayme dashed off and hid in his own room. Clearly the albino still needed time to adjust and figure things out. Once Derrick was done with the food he walked up towards Al and aksed: "So, what's so secretive that you can't ask me in front of Ayme? Just so you know he is fully aware of my past so you soon have to worry about that. Then what are you worried about?"

 

Meanwhile Leroy was talking to the doctor who has been taking care of him for the past couple of days and got a brief explanation of his current physical condition. Despite having prepared in his mind when the doctor showed him a mirror he was still shocked by what he saw. The reflection he saw was unlike the image Leroy had of himself before he got captured by Morgan nor after, as his dark brown hair was now mostly grey with a few strands of brown mixed in between; his eyes were now showing an almost pinkish hue; his features seems to have reverted back a decade or two making him look like he was in his early twenties. But such changes were just the beginning as the most drastic change was hidden beneath his clothes. After the doctor was done with their explanations Leroy fell silent for a while, eventually though he nodded and thanked the medical staff for their care. They left Leroy to rest on his own amd he tried to sleep but find his mind too occupied to rest. So after a while he quietly sneaked out of the medical room and made his way to the garden and sat on the grass. Looking at the ring around on his finger he held the ring close to his heart and began to cry out of fear and despair. How could be face Ayme after all that he has done, the dangers he put Ayme in and the pain he caused his lover? How could Ayme love him again when he hardly resemble the man he fell in love in the first place?.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Would you stop me from sedating or isolating Ayme if I feel he needs time alone?” Al asked hands up showing no ill will towards Derrick if he did take it badly. “Watching him I worry he may relapse, become worse or become aggressive. Seeing and being through such trauma events can change someone while I don’t know what happened with Yoh or Morgan I do know he had to have seen some stuff with you. If he gets bad and refuses medicine I would like your word you won’t stop me from taking care of him in the way I see fit” Al asked looking at Misha who had clearly asked Al for help on discussing this with Derrick.

 

“There’s...a look in Aymes eyes sometimes I wake up and he’s staring at me and I feel like he’s wanting to kill me...his hands where to close to my throat.” Misha explained having let it slide but watching Aymes moods the day after and now we’ll, he was worried about the kids. “I’m scared of him and I want Al to adjust his medicine more but in order to do that I have to get you to agree because we’re kinda the only people who aren’t breaking down and can take care of our family” Misha explained looking at Derrick a unsettled fear in his eyes. “Al has been helping deal with Ayme when your gone. Once Leroy’s back I don’t know what will happen or if we will be safe. If what happened in the arena is fucking Ayme up badly he could easily kill us” Misha finished Al gently sighing.

 

“We need to think long term and adjustment. What is your safety plan what do you do if one snaps or refuses food and medicine. What if they try to kill someone?” Al asked wanting Derrick to realize that this all was something he had been watching for and while he couldn’t predict everything he did want to make sure the children where protected and Misha had somewhere safe to hide. “He’s already showing backlash for some things and while I won’t shame Ayme on his suffering and how he deals with things, bringing Leroy here might hurt him more mentally then anything else.” Al added before helping himself to a beer from the fridge and held one out to Derrick.

[hal7283]

Derrick listened to what All and Misha said, and after a long thought he let out a heavy sign and said: "Since you are the expert in his manner I have no objection to how you decide to treat your patient...On one condition though... If you think that Ayme poses danger to those around him and must be isolated, I want to go and get locked up along side him. I can deal whatever violent behavior he demonstrate. While I understand that sometimes people need to be alone to figure things out on their own, being alone is difficult, it's scary, and I think it would donAyme more good to let him know that he was surprised by those who love him. As for Leroy.... He was here when Ayme was rescued and began his life as an actual person, and was the first man Ayme fell in love with. They both need each goejr right now and pulling them apart at such a critical moment could have devastating results. Just think carefully before you decide whether to separate them or not " he declined Al's offer of beer and said: "I will go check up on Aume and see if he's okay... I mean of course he isn't bit maybe he could be more open to me than you."

 

Derrrick soon made his way to Ayme's room and knocked on the door: "Ayme it's me Derrick. May I come in?"

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Sure, not like I can lock anyone out of my room. Apparently I gained parents who like to treat me like a child” Ayme replied sarcastically. Looking at the door Ayme sat on his bed playing a game of solitaire his room looking quite different in a view that anything he could even harm anyone or himself with having been removed. “I think growing up with Yoh was more fun at least I got free roam with the ankle chain” Ayme muttered setting down his stack of cards. “Welcome home.” Ayme added looking at Derrick his mind troubled and a little angry but hell he liked Derrick more then the other two right now so he was trying his best to behave. “I assume your here to scold me or remind me how less of a normal person I am? Or are your afraid I might kill you since that’s my thing now having ripped out a mans throat.” Ayme snapped throwing the cards off the bed in a slight fit of anger the scattering of the cards and destruction bringing him some small amusement and joy.

[hal7283]

Derrick showed a weak smile as he heard Ayme's sarcastic remark. He sat on edge of the bed and smiled at the welcome he got: "Yeah I'm home my dear. No I am not here to scold you or anything. I am here just because I miss my lover after being done for work for the past couple of days. Something wrong with that?"

 

Derrick shifted a bit closer to Ayme and held his hand and said: "Don't be so mean to All and Misha. You know they are just trying to help right? They're trying his best to understand what you've been through. What we have been through, but the best they could is just imagine and guess through the lens of normalcy. They weren't there. They didn't kill for survival. They didn't have to kill their loved ones so they could rescue them back. If you feel frustrated and want to smash a few things we can arrange that. If you wanna try killing someone again I am sure Ayers Corp have enough shady connections to make that happen too. No you are not normal, and you don't have to pretend to be normal. It all depends on what you really really want." He got up and held Ayme close in his arms and said: "So if you wanna go crazy I will be there for you. If you wanna pretend to be normal I will be there for you too."

 

Derrick caressed his hair and just so happened that his gaze turns towards outside the window..Noticing the strange figure in hospital gowns sitting in their garden Derrick muttered: Hey Ayme do you know who that is? I don't think I have ever seen someone like that around... One of the patients of the clinic maybe? But how did he made it to the back garden...."

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Chuckling at Derrick’s response Ayme sighed happily for a moment amused by Derrick’s admission of wanting to just be around him. “They keep being pushy acting like I’m something to be afraid of or like I’m going to break.” Ayme whispered snuggling into Derrick’s arms feeling more safe. “I don’t know what normal is...or how to be the normal they want, I’m trying but it’s hard” Ayme explained grateful Derrick was back home Ayme having greatly missed him while he was working. Turning his head to look Ayme shrugged not knowing who would be outside. Getting up and out of Derrick’s arms Ayme opened his bedroom window and looked out at the figure.

 

“You could have waited for us to come visit, I was going to get you a get well card” Ayme yelled at the man below somewhat feeling that it was Leroy who had made his way home.

[hal7283]

Leroy was caught off guard when suddenly the voice of Ayme came from above. He looked up and soon their eyes met. A flood of emotions came rushing through Leroy's mind and for quite a while he just didn't know how to react. "Ayme I... I don;t know..." he muttered in a panic as he managed to get up on his feet and began running off, only to stumble just a few meters. Derrick was confused at first as he looked at the unfamiliar figure: 'That's... Leroy? He seems different..." Remembering how Morgan had turned into essentially a clone of Ayme from being imbued with Ayme;s cell he wonder did similar phenomenon occur on Leroy as well. He let out a heavy sigh and said: "Look at him... he's like a chick just freshly hatched from an egg.... Al warned that you two may have an detrimental effect on each other given the state you're at but... You're not going to let him deal with everything alone again, are you?"

[Yukonwolfspirit]

?It?s would be cruel to let him fend for himself, if he did take after my body more he will need some help? Ayme mumbled curious to see just how much Leroy had taken after him. Sighing as he looked down at Leroy Ayme left his room and quietly made his way out towards the garden standing a few feet away from Leroy. ?Take a few deep breaths, no need to get worked up.? Ayme stated not wanting to get to close since he still was unsure if Leroy wanted him dead or not. Seeing Leroy for Ayme was different it was if everything suddenly clicked into place his mind more rational then it had been in days. In a way it was like how he was with Yukie calm collected, as if nothing had been wrong to begin with.

 

?Derrick is going to check you for any weapons before you enter the house and you?ll have to follow Misha and be on lockdown with me? Ayme explained being upfront with the fact Leroy might not have any freedom if he stepped into the house.

[hal7283]

Derrick followed Ayme downstairs quietly and kept some distance between then, as he didn't want to leave Ayme alone with Leroy but at the same time didn't want his presence alarm Leroy. He was able to get a better look at the man now and was surprised by the change in appearance. While he hasn't changed as drastically as Morgan, the color of his hair and eyes seemed to indicate that Ayme's cell have left their mark. The man also seemed younger which made him look even more fragile and unstable.

 

Meanwhile Leroy was conflicted as Ayme approached. On one hand he wanted to just run over to his lover and hold him tightly in his arms, but on the other hand the voice of "Ayme" still echoed in his mind, telling him to harm, to bleed, to violate and kill all the "Ayme" that he sees. He noticed someone else following Ayme at a distance and all he could make out was a white blur roughly in the shape of a man. "Ayme... I don't know if I could.. If I even should continue to be at your side... I could hurt you..." He averted Ayme's gaze and said: "Besides... I'm even less of the 'Leroy Wallace' who you fell in love than before... I don't want you to keep me around just out of pitty or mercy.."

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“If I didn’t want you around I wouldn’t have saved you.” Ayme replied watching Leroy suspiciously and carefully not willing to let him into the house yet. “I absolutely hate what I had to do to save you, but if I didn’t I was afraid I’d lose you forever” Ayme explained not sure what to do, Ayme was deeply confused on how he felt. Looking back at the house Ayme wondered if Derrick was watching them and it brought to his mind at how could he trust Leroy when a week ago He had tried to kill him with glee. “It’s, going to be hard adjusting to living together...to being together. We will need to talk a lot with each other and Al, I’m willing to try.” Ayme whispered feeling a touch to vulnerable standing out in the open with Leroy. “...is it alright if we go inside?” Ayme asked looking back and waiting for Derrick to come and make sure Leroy would be safe to have inside.

[hal7283]

Leroy looked surprised when Ayme said that he was willing to try and work things out. "You... you would?" he asked as he observed the albino. He could see that there were still fear and suspicion within him but despite that Ayme wanted Leroy back in his life. As Ayme turned to talk to that white blur, who turned out to be Derrick, he ehard the man saying in rather casual tone: "Of course he can come in. It's his home too right? Don't worry if either of you suddenly have an urge to murder people I'll be the first to give you two an ass kicking." Derrick then showed a smile towards Ayme and said: 'And for you specifically an extra ass fucking too."

 

Soon the three made their way inside the house, with Derrick walking side by side with Ayme and Leroy walking ahead of them just slightly. As they reached the living room Derrick asked: 'So Leroy are you fine walking around already? Don't you need more time in the bed to recover?"

 

"The doctors said that my body is healthy. Aparently Ayme's cell did wonders to my health, among other things.." Leroy replied and turned his gaze back to Ayme, wondering what's gonna happen now.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Mmh no sex for a little longer~” Ayme teased knowing he needed a little longer till he had the energy to really fuck or be fucked. Taking a seat on the couch Ayme watched Derrick and Leroy for a moment his eyes studying the two as if unsure of what to do next. “Let’s all sit” Ayme asked waiting for a moment as he listened to Misha moving around upstairs before heading off to go to the store since Derrick was back home. Settling down more into his seat Ayme didn’t speak for a few minutes as if gathering his thoughts. “We should have a room set up for you I know Misha was cleaning it yesterday,...and there is clothes and essentials in the closet “ Ayme mumbled not sure what to say or do his feelings still mixed around Leroy.

 

“You’ll have to sleep alone, I’m not sleeping with anyone for the moment so I’m sorry. Also if you run off without notice and disappear again I won’t hunt you down, I’m done trying to keep you here you either stay or don’t” Ayme finished his voice a little shaky as he breathed still stressed and not fully ready to face Leroy but he knew he had to start somewhere.

[hal7283]

After arriving at the living room the three men sat down and fell silent. Derrick was there mainly just to keep the peace so Ayme and Leroy should be the one doing the talking but it was clear that neither of them have finished processing the things they have been through. Eventually it was Ayme who broke the silence and after he spoke his terms Leroy nodded: "That's quite... lenient of you... Honestly I was expecting you just... lock me up in a dungeon or something..."

 

"He did mention that actually." Derrick chimed in: "But I think we can all agree that a three week honeymoon locked up in a sex dungeon isn't what the two of you need right now. Though feel free to do so once you two figure things out."

 

"You seems quite... relaxed about this whole thing." Leroy turned to look at Derrick and asked.

 

"Well for starters I am no stranger to blood and murder, and also I had my own fair share of crazy relationships with bad breakup fights, some also invoked knifes and gunshots, though not as excessive as yours."

 

"That wasn't a breakup fight Derrick." Leroy said with a furious stare.

 

"Wasn't it though? Your break up fight with Morgan? Think of it like this:If you take out all the crazy violence and death then what was left was not much different from a love triangle. A dumped B so B sought revenge on A by hooking up with A's boyfriend C who just had a fight with A. B C had an abusive relationship so C broke up with B but still can't get over him. In the end C decided to reject B completely and came back to A. A and C gets to live happily ever after. See, isn't it much simpler now? Speaking of which I don't think I have heard you say thank you for chopping that bastard into pieces."

 

Leroy was a little taken back by Derrick's words as he had never thought of the whole mess in this way. He put his palm over his face and let out a long heavy sigh: "God.. after you put it like this I feel like I'm a character in some cheesy teen romance novel...."

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“...” Ayme just looked away from Leroy having a hard time trying to even look at him as Derrick explained it to Leroy as if their relationship had been so horrible that Leroy would have been happier with Morgan. Getting up Ayme looked at Morgan his eyes cold and his hands shaking. “I need a moment to calm myself and deal with a few things. If you need me I’ll be visiting with Al” Ayme hissed hating that Leroy or Derrick could even see that fight as a breakup between lovers. Leaving the room Ayme stormed off to the clinic only to have Al text Misha and Derrick they would both be out of the house for awhile Al following Ayme who was storming off down the street needing to get away for awhile. Misha popping around the doorframe looked at Derrick.

 

“They should be back before noon tomorrow depends on how long it will take for Al to get Ayme calmed down” Misha explained looking at Leroy for a moment. “As for you, your restricted to your room if Derrick or Al aren’t home. You may live here but I don’t trust you around my children” Misha explained getting straight to the point. “When he’s ready have him get cleaned up And we will start his medical routine if he requires any medicine” Misha finished listening for a moment to the kids sleeping.

[hal7283]

Leroy felt his heart arche when Ayme looked away from him, though he completely deserved the treatment he was getting. He sat there and watched the albiino storm out of the room in frustration and just let out a heavy defeated sigh. Leroy nodded at what Misha said and stood up from his seat: "Alright Misha, I understand your concerns... But there's one thing." He turned to look at the man and said: "Even though this may sound hypocritic coming from the likes of me, but I think of them as my children as well." He went on to take a quick shower before retreating to this psuedo-quarantine in his new room. The foctors came and prescribed him with some antidepressant drugs as well as various other supplements and medications to help with his hallucinations. Things appeared to be going well, at least on the surface, Leroy demonstrated no abnormal behavior and seemed to be a lot more stable, though only time would tell if staying by Ayme's side for prolonged period of time would trigger Morgan's conditioning again.

 

During this time Derrick tried his best to be by Ayme's side providing support, being the voice of "emotions" in contrast to the voice of "reason" coming from Al. To him, all lives were most definately not equal. There was Ayme, his own life, the lives of those Ayme loved and cared, and everyone else. Anyone and anything other than Ayme and himself was expendable to a certain extent. As far as he was concerned Ayme could be as crazy and murderous as he like if that meant he was happier for it. It was probably not the healthiest point of view but then again Derrick Dan-Long Shen was a cold-bloodedd killer.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Coming back from his run/workout Ayme was covered in sweat and was exhausted but much calmer. Al on the other hand came back looking half alive and sporting a swollen and purple bruised cheek. “You should go shower and drink some water, working out like this takes more energy but it should help with your hormones.” Al explained only getting a glare from Ayme who seemed still pent up and frustrated. “I still want you to refrain from sex until you know you won’t kill them.” Al added standing in the kitchen now with Ayme who was getting himself a drink.

 

“Why now? Is this because of Leroy I mean I didn’t act this way before!” Ayme asked anger and frustration rising in his voice as he slammed the glass down shattering it his hand clenching and now dripping in blood. “I’m angry and I shouldn’t be! I’m sexually frustrated all the time! I can’t stand it!” Ayme hissed his hand trembling as he opened it letting the glass pieces fall to the floor.

 

“It’s hard to tell.” Al started keeping a good distance from Ayme as he cleaned up the blood and glass with a rag and sat down waiting for Ayme to come to him to clean the wound. “I’d say it’s blood related but there are many flaws with that theory. At most my guess is it’s your unique code, your body is healthy...therefore it’s going back to its roots. I don’t see anything like this with Yu.” Al finished looking at Ayme knowing they had talked about Yu being of only his blood becoming like this. Taking a breath Ayme sat down on a chair letting Al care for the glass filled hand.

 

“Your sure? What if my blood makes people insane? I mean look at Morgan and Leroy! Yoh...I always wondered if he tested on himself first and then abroad. It’s hard to figure out because there’s so much I can’t remember about my time living with Yoh” Ayme admitted seeming to settle down a touch his eyes focusing on Als steady hands.

 

“Yu and you share only genetic traits and a blood type. He can’t do this healing crap you can and as long as you never share blood he should live to be a normal person” Al replied trying to soothe Aymes fears. “I’m proud of you for walking away, your getting better at talking things out with me. You should be applying this with your lovers though. Maybe next time you can box with Derrick and he can take a turn getting beaten up” Al offered making Ayme snicker.

 

“You said to restrain from sex, I doubt I could stop from fucking him at some point.” Ayme admitted with another small smile. “When I’m ready...do you think I could continue like normal with them?” Ayme asked wondering how long he would have to distance himself from his partners beds.

 

“Well, I can’t say that’s something you need to talk to them about and set boundaries before sex” Al finished having gotten out all the big pieces and with a tiered groan got up and threw the glass away. “Go to bed,or run circles outside the rest of us need sleep” Al finished before heading to his room leaving Ayme to think.

[hal7283]

Derrick walked passed Al and raised an eyebrow seeing a bruise on his face. As he walked further he soon found Ayme seemingly dwelling in deep thought. In truth Ayme looked rather appetizing being all sweaty and panting and if the man was in a better physical/mental state he might have just pull him to the bed and start fucking him right now. But alas it was not meant to be. At least not yet. He walked over towards Ayme and chuckled: "I noticed the bruise on Al's face. Seems to me that you've got quite a nice work out session out of the doctor huh?" Reaching out he brushed a strand of hair sticking to Ayme's face aside and asked: "So, how are you holding up?"

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Oh good despite being horribly dumped from my training partner. I guess beating the shit out of others does that” Ayme admitted chuckling despite being not to happy with Al but he knew it was more of the fact that he could go hours longer then Al. “He wants to shove me off on to you a few times a week so he can rest” Ayme explained turning away from Derrick’s hand that left his skin feeling like it was on fire. Looking at Derrick he moved himself away his mind a mixture of deep lustful desires and angry emotions like before with Leroy. “Fine. I’m fine... just don’t touch me so casually at the moment” Ayme asked his body unknowingly tense as he sat on the chair taking a moment to calm his mind. “I feel different lately I, am a touch more aggressive and horny.” Ayme started his body seeming to shift to a more defensive mode as if he was talking more to Al.

 

“Because I’m now fully healthy and better everything reset and well...there was a reason Yoh kept me the way I was if it came down to it I think I would have snapped and killed him the second I feared him. I don’t remember a lot about my time with Yoh...Al explained that sometimes with deep trauma the brain hides away what happens or with medical help it can go away all together. I don’t know what I was like before Leroy.” Ayme explained still refusing to look at Derrick not wanting to take out any acts of aggression on him. “All I can remember is staying in the basement, staring at the ceiling and watching tv once in awhile. It was always mafia movies or medical shows. I’m afraid I might have that side to me that’s aggressive and bloodthirsty. I mean I spent so long with Yoh who knows what he was thinking or planning I mean I only bearly remember seeing glimpses of Misha.” Ayme whispered his voice shaking as he explained his body tense not with anger now but with fear. “I’m angry and scared and so sexually frustrated and instead of even caring how much I scared Misha all I wanted was to fuck him even if it meant I accidentally snapped and killed him. What if I become like Morgan what if I just break down at being held by anyone and...” Ayme whispered his voice getting more frantic as he spoke and breaking down as he tried not to cry in front of Derrick.

 

“I don’t know why I woke up the way I did that scared him and I wonder if I’m just like all those men so ready to murder and fuck anyone no matter if they say no. I-I don’t want to be like that and it scares me because what if I am?” Ayme asked fully breaking down his body shaking as he looked at Derrick tears dripping down his face.

[hal7283]

"Oh, sorry Ayme." Derrick said as he pulled his hand back, not expecting the albino to be this sensitive from his touch. He must be quite frustrated with his pent up libido by now. He looked on with his heart hurting from his inability to ease his lover's turmoil. He couldn't even hold him in his arms without making his frustration worse. Letting out a heavy sigh he looked straight at Ayme and said: "As I said before, regardless of whether you want to be normal or murderous I'll be there for you. I mean technically I am exactly the kind of person you've just described, ready to murder or kill people even if they say no. Are you afraid of me then? Do you dread the thought of becoming more like me? Don't think that just because I quit the mafia that I'm suddenly a normal good person, that I am no longer have blood on my hands. I just found something more important to me than blood and murder, and that is you. Get your priorities straight Ayme, think of what's really important for you in your life. Work, love, health, pleasure, family, children, harem, murder, thrill, bloodshed, ambitions, madness and so on. Rank them in your heart, make your mind on what do you want to define you." He grabbed some paper towels and offered them to Ayme: "Here, tears don't suit you, unless it's tears of happiness."

Edited August 30, 2020 by hal7283

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“I know what I want...I just...it’s hard thinking when I want to drag you off to fuck but I worry it might make me either overly aggressive with sex or extremely frustrated when I can’t drag anyone off for sex. Working out helps some but I don’t want to be like the men at the arena having no care for my partners I don’t want to force anyone I love into sex just because they want to keep me happy!” Ayme explained taking the paper towel from Derrick as he dried his eyes. “I don’t care if you murder or kill those that are your enemies.” Ayme mumbled still conflicted on how he felt about so much that had changed and if he was honest it was a hard adaptation. “I want us to be close again...but before Leroy and I broke up I was overly dominating and he was so desperate to please me he was willing to let me hurt him. I don’t want lovers like that and if it means dealing with these desires then I will” Ayme finished the paper towel now balled up in his hand as he took a shaky breath glad to have finally gotten it off his chest.