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Winter's Delight(In need of older Seme.)


JR_TheRandomFan
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"Jun... Please don't blame yourself..."[/Quote]

It was pointless for Dyanli to tell him not to blame himself. He would and he did. He'd forever blame himself for this.

"With what I said...what I did...I wouldn't have thought you would even want to come around to see me...I deserved this for being so selfish.If I didn't say those things...then we wouldn't be here now.A-All of this...is truly my fault..." [/Quote]

Was the other crazy? Did he honestly think that he was that shallow. He had never been so hurt by Dyanli. Even tho they fought... he thought he wouldn't come? Did the other truly think so...little of him.

Jun rubbed his eyes, the tears he had beginning to stop as Dyanli began to cry now.

"Jun...I truly am sorry..."[/Quote]

"...You always say the most...cruelest things to me with out even realizing it.. how you thought I wasn't giving enough in bed. That there was no love behind everything I did or how I touched you. And now... even now.. here you are saying that you thought I wouldn't come to see you.. you truly think I'm That heartless? That shallow? You really don't know me...do you."

He said softly. That was the most biggest insult the other has given him.

"..I've never been...so mad at you...at myself.. at the world right now.."

He stared at the ground.

"...How many were there...Were they all wearing a certain color.. Who's idea was it to rape you.. How old were they.... tell me Dyanli..."

His voice cold and serious. It was most likely a color gang that attacked Dyanli. If all his attackers were wearing some kind of blue. Then it was the Blue Squares. If it was Yellow then it was the Yellow Scars... or Black.. the Black beetles or Green... The Geen Razors. Who was it.. WHO HURT DYANLI! Or....was it the very gang he left way back then....he prayed the other didn't say his attackers were wearing yellow...

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Opening his eye again Dylani was beginning to feel much lower than before.He didn't mean for any of that to come out as it did, but it just did.There was nothing he could do. When asked who attacked him the trap went silent as if he was trying to recollect some of the few memories he held at the moment." There were four of them..." he began weakly."They had to be in their early twenties. I don't know who planed the attack, but I knew their leader came on to me first... It was so pitch black out there I couldn't see any color on them...They had to be wearing all black."Once he finished speaking Dylani went back to closing his good eye.He was in so much pain, so much physical and emotional pain. How could he take in so much, he had no idea. All he knew that he was still hurting. After a moment the blonde trap attempted to speak again."Jun...I only have one question for you.This might not be the best time, but I...I want to know if we even stay together after this.We've been hurting each other so much...I don't want to hurt you anymore...I-I don't even think I deserve you. I-I...I don't know what to do!"

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Thank God... Jun knew where to go now. He'd find the people who attacked Dyanli... and make them pay. Jun said nothing after hearing the other speak.. he was to busy organizing his thoughts. After a moment the blonde trap attempted to speak again, drawing him back to reality..

"Jun...I only have one question for you.This might not be the best time, but I...I want to know if we even stay together after this.We've been hurting each other so much...I don't want to hurt you anymore...I-I don't even think I deserve you. I-I...I don't know what to do!"[/Quote]

Jun felt the same way. They both kept hurting each other. They both felt like they didn't deserve each other... they both didn't want keep hurting each other. The only logical choice was to break up...

"..I don't know either.."

He muttered.

"..I'll stay until your discharged.."

He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms and trying to get comfortable.

"..I honestly don't wanna talk about breaking up right now..at of all the things you cam fucking talk to me about. You pick the one thing I don't wanna discuss. "

He said bitterly. After a moment He sighed in frustration. He let his tempted get the better of him..

"..sorry...j..just get some rest. I'll stay by your side..."

He ran a hand threw his hair.

".....Sorry."

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At that moment the trap couldn't really blame Jun for scolding him. There were much more impotent matters than their relationship at that point.But what could he do?He wanted to hang on for as long as he could.The pair hurt each other sure, but it never stopped them from loving each other. There had to be a way to get through this unsavory patch there just had to be. If there wasn't then the blonde wouldn't know what else they could do. As time went on Dylani got a couple more visitors, friends from the café, his new boss, and to his great relief his own mother. She brushed softly against the trap's hair as he rested."Oh my poor chickadee, why did it have to be you?" As she glanced over to Jun she could only sigh before coming to his side."Jun...Things must not be going well between you two. Is there any way I can help?"

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Jun didn't say much as Dyanli was visited in the hospital by others. He was acting distance and lost in thought. Not to mention he looked very frustrated and tired. When Dyanli's mother visited he didn't care to keep his gentleman vibe and smile. He just looked at her for a moment before looking away. When she asked him if there was anything she could do he simply told her no.. And leaned back in his uncomfortable chair. Not saying much, but staying by the others side.. no matter how broken or messed up things were between them... it wasn't in his nature to Just leave Dyanli.

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After a couple of hours Dylani was awake once more.The nurses had given him a tray of food and asked Jun if he was to stay with the trap over night.It felt great to get some food into his system even though it didn't go down well.Taking a sip of some soda they gave him the blonde glanced over to Jun for a moment."Jun...You can rest at any time. There's a spare bed for you here.I...I don't want you to ignore your own needs while I'm in here."

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While Dyanli was asleep. Jun was texting his friend, letting him know what happened. When the other came too. He put his phone in his pocket after sending one last text and crossed his arms. The nurses had given the trap some food and asked him if he was going to stay the night. He nodded.

"Jun...You can rest at any time. There's a spare bed for you here.I...I don't want you to ignore your own needs while I'm in here."[/Quote]

Jun shrugged and leaned forward resting his arms and head on the others bed.

"Okay..and stop worry about me.. I'm not the one in the hospital bed. "

He simply said, his eyes falling to the TV and watching quietly.

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Breathing a soft sigh the trap placed his empty tray on the bedside table and laid back.The two of them stayed silent for some time.There was so much he wanted to say to Jun, so many times he simply wanted to apologize for.But he wasn't even sure that he could even say them. After a moment to break the silence the trap softly coughed before speaking."I can't help but to go back to our first date." He said softly."It seemed much simpler then...Being pulled so close as the night ended.I always still see that night of being one of the best.Where did the time go...?"

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Jun was slowly dozing off when his lover..or perhaps ex, broke the silence.

"I can't help but to go back to our first date." [/Quote]

He blinked And slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Hm?"

"It seemed much simpler then...Being pulled so close as the night ended.I always still see that night of being one of the best.Where did the time go...?"[/Quote]

Jun sighed, scratching the back of his head.

"I don't know..."

He said, pulling out his phone and checking it.

"Be right back."

He stood and left the room, outside Dyanli' s door was his friend.

"Here..He okay? "

"Shaken up...traumatized..."

He responded. Taking his friends hoodie. It was cold inside the hospital.

"What are you gonna do? You still want me to--"

"Yes. Once you find them...beat the shit out of them."

He hissed.

"...Your my friend so...alright..but..you know how much I'm risking for you."

"I do.. thanks. "

He left and Jun returned into the room, while putting on his yellow hoodie.

"Sorry. What'd I miss"

He sat back down beside him, looking up at the TV.

--------------------------------------------

After some time passed Jun turned off the TV and tucked his hands in his hoodie pockets. It was getting late, and the nurses had just left after changing Dyanli's bloody bandages.

"..How are you feeling.."

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It was a little comforting to know that Jun was just as clueless as he was, and rather saddening at the same time. As he was left alone in his room he wondered if they would actually break up after he would discharged. That very thought scared him and he wasn't even sure he was willing to let the older man go. It might've been for the best, but the two of them would probably hurt even more apart than being together. Just thinking of it at that moment caused his head to ache so he pushed the thought aside. It was just in time for Jun to come back into the room.

 

With time passing his bandages were able to be changed. His lover turned off the television and he had pulled on a yellow hoodie that his friend dropped off earlier.

"...How are you feeling...?"

Breathing a soft sigh the young trap rolled his sore shoulders before he spoke." I'm in less pain than before...I'd say I'm feeling a little better." Laying back against the bed he closed his eye, clutching on to his forearms as a chill passed through him."It's almost time for me to turn in."

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" I'm in less pain than before...I'd say I'm feeling a little better." [/Quote]

Jun nodded, sinking in his chair, and pulling up his hood.

"It's almost time for me to turn in."[/Quote]

"Then sleep...don't let me stop you.."

He said softly. He intended to stay near the others bed side until he was fast asleep. Only then would he sleep in the spare bed.

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Biting softly into his lips Dylani began to lean to kiss Jun's cheek."Okay...Try to sleep well Jun." Pulling himself back into bed the trap settled on his back with his eye closed. It didnt take the blonde long to fall asleep.The pain was just becoming too great.He was thankful to finally rest again.

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Jun was looking away and seemed to be thinking about other things when Dyanli leaned forward and suddenly kissed his cheek. He looked at him,.a little surprised and confused.

"Okay...Try to sleep well Jun."[/Quote]

"..you too.."

He said softly. He watched as the other drifted off to sleep.

I don't know what to do Dyanli...I blame myself for this. I let my temper get the best of me, the two of us seem to always hurt each other. I don't think I can ever forget what you said...how could you think I'd not come... how could you not think I'd be here for you. I would of been here for the surgery had I know. I wouldn't leave you alone...not when your going threw something so scary. After what happened to you...How could you say such a thing...I honestly don't know if I can take much more of this. That night...what did you mean when you said there was something missing. That there needed to be more love...what was the point in telling me what you wished your first time would be like......Dyanli...I don't know what to do. I didn't want to let you go..so I confessed and told you everything I was lying about..and you forgave me.. There should of been many times we should of called it quits but we...we kept going. I must love you...I have too..other wise I...

He sighed as he watched the other sleep.

...I love you..I don't think I've ever fallen so hard for another person...but...how can we recover from this... there's just no way...

He slowly stood and reached out to touch the others cheek.

"Dyanli...I...I'm so..."broken

He pulled away and walked over to the spare bed to sleep, heaving a heavy sigh.

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Later that night Dylani woke up with a start,shaking and softly whimpering.His nails dug deeply into the thin fabric of his gown as if that could stop his heart from bursting from his chest.The trap had just gone through a nightmare. Looking over the spare bed he was greatful that Jun was there, wanting to get out of bed and rush to his side.But he held himself back."Oh Jun...I wish I could hug you..."he whispered, his voice shaking from the tears brimming at his good eye."I know I can't take anything back...You have ever right to leave me...After all I said I thought that your anger would push me away...But I did that myself.I only wish I could hold you again...I'm scared when I shouldn't be...I don't want to be...I just want to be held close to you when I'm scared, to hold you...I-It's all that I've ever wanted...I wish I could say that to you now...I love you and I-I'm so sorry!"With the tears freely falling from his face he laid himself back.His cries were soft as he cried himself back to sleep, not waking until the next morning.

 

When Dylani was up again the nurses helped him out of bed so he could wash up and get clean in the bathroom in his room. They were quick and placed him in a clean gown and new bandages. Being placed in his bed he watched the spare bed, wondering if Jun was awake.

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Jun was already awake in the morning. He left the others room while the nurses took care of him, getting himself some coffee.

When he returned, the nurses were still helping Dyanli get clean in the bathroom. He sat on the spare bed his eyes and sipping his drink. It seems he didn't sleep well.

 

He watched as Dyanli was placed in his bed again. They had changed the sheets and pillow. Dyanli looked at him and he looked back, slowly setting his drink down, He couldn't smile at him. Not now...Not yet.

"..How'd you sleep."

He asked, standing and moving over to the chair near his bed.

"Are you feeling better? "

His eyes were red and puffy, he looked very tired even tho he had just woke up.

"..Are you hungry? "

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Rubbing into his puffy eye the trap kept his silence, fighting back the urge to ask about his lover's own eyes.When he was calm enough Dylani spoke." I slept as well as I could've." he admitted softly."You had a rough night too.I-I'm still in pain, but not as much. And I am hungry...Am I able to ask what caused you to look so tired?"

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" I slept as well as I could've." [/Quote]

"I see."

"You had a rough night too.I-I'm still in pain, but not as much. And I am hungry...Am I able to ask what caused you to look so tired?"[/Quote]

"You...and other stuff.. a lots been on my mind. So I couldn't sleep. "

He sighed.

"I'll go let Your nurse know to bring you something. "

He stood up and went over to the door, popping his head out of the room.

"Excuse me.. mrs... yes...He's Fine, but hungry. Yes...um.. French toast sticks I guess. Yes. Thank you. "

He closed the door and sat next to the other once more.

"She'll be here in a few minutes. "

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"Thank you,Jun..."Laying back against his pillow the blonde trap closed his good eye for a moment, visibly shaking for the time that he didn't speak."I had a nightmare last night..."He sighed softly."I-I don't know if you would want to hear about it...I don't want to worry you any more."

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"Thank you,Jun..."[/Quote]

"Don't mention it.."

He interlocked his fingers with his own looking at the ground, fiddling with his fingers. He glanced at the other and was a little surprised to see him visibly shaking. He was about to ask if he was ok when Dyanli spoke.

"I had a nightmare last night..."[/Quote]

"Oh yeah? ...did you wanna talk about it? "

"I-I don't know if you would want to hear about it...I don't want to worry you any more."[/Quote]

"Dyanli...Your a little too late for that..you might as well tell me... if you want..."

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Opening his eye slightly the trap took another shaky breath."I...I dreamt about the accident.There seemed to be more than before...I tried to break away,but they only pulled me back,getting rougher and rougher...I was left there alone to die...And I couldn't even scream for you..." Sniffiling softly Dylani held on to his forearms as a means to calm himself."I-I woke up so scared...I wanted to go to your bed and just hold on to you, to tell you what I saw...But I held back...I couldn't pull myself closer...As much as I wanted to,I just couldn't..."Breaking down then he brought his hands to his face. shuddering heavily from his tears."..."

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"I...I dreamt about the accident.There seemed to be more than before...I tried to break away,but they only pulled me back,getting rougher and rougher..."[/Quote]

He looked up at him listening.

I was left there alone to die...And I couldn't even scream for you..." [/Quote]

He sniffles holding on to himself. Jun felt bad. He couldn't image how scared He was, to be alone after what happened.

"I-I woke up so scared...I wanted to go to your bed and just hold on to you, to tell you what I saw...But I held back...I couldn't pull myself closer...As much as I wanted to,I just couldn't..."[/Quote]

Finally Dyanli broke down, and started to cry, trembling. Jun's eyes fell to the ground. He wasn't sure how to comfort Dyanli. He himself felt very empty inside. He listened to the boys crying and whimpering for a moment, before sighing and standing up so he could lean over the others body and plant and tender but forceful kiss on his lips. It wasn't a peck... but a kiss to help ease him...to help calm him down.

When Jun broke away he met the traps red and wet eyes.

"..next time...don't hold back.."

He said softly, trying to give the other a small smile but he looked so tired.

He gently used his thumb to whip away the others tears, before sitting back down beside him, this time... holding Dyanli's hand softly.

"Anything else you wanna tell me..."

He asked, his eyes to the floor again.

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That kiss was something the trap wasn't expecting. But oh how he needed it, how he just needed to touch his older lover.It was tender,yet forceful.Just like Jun to know how to calm him down. After a moment Dylani closed his eye and clutched tightly to Jun's hand within his own."I love you Jun.I miss being in your arms.I may not say it much, but I do feel safe with you so close.I-I do miss your touch."

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The other clutched tightly to Jun's hand, making the older male glance up at him. How long had it been since they kisses like that...? If he could go back in time and stop Dyanli from leaving that day...he'd gladly give up an arm or a leg to do so.

"I love you Jun.I miss being in your arms.I may not say it much, but I do feel safe with you so close.I-I do miss your touch."[/Quote]

Jun still had bitter feelings toward the other, the others comments still got under his skin but...he had to forgive him..because Dyanli has forgave him for a lot of things.

Jun remembered a time where Dyanli was frightened of his touch.. he'd always tense or flinch away from his grasp, But now...now he missed it.

"Part of the reason..I haven't touched you or...kissed you..was because..I thought if I did all you'd think about was them...and what they did to you.."

He sighed.

"Plus...it sickens me to think someone else touched you..."

He took Dyanli's hand, bringing it to his lips.

"..You might hate Me for it..But..when you get out of here...I'm going to touch every part of you...and clean you from there filthy touch...When I'm done.. I only want you to remember me..and how I touched you.."

He met his eyes, about to say something else, but suddenly his phone began to rang. He looked down at himself, pulling out his phone. It was his friend.

"I gotta take this. "

He pulled away and stood, heading outside the room to answer the phone.

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It always seemed that Jun just knew how to make him blush. As he listened to his older lover speak Dylani could only give off a subtle blush.It would've been some time since the pair had done anything so... intimate.When Jun pulled himself away to take a call the trap let out a subtle sigh before laying back."I wouldn't mind that one bit..."He whispered softly."I just want to be so close...I love you..."

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After a couples of minutes, Jun came back in the room, slipping his phone back into his yellow hoodie.

"..sorry.."

He muttered, sitting back down beside him. He was happy, but didn't show it. His friend had found the guys who had there way with Dyanli and dealt with them. He very grateful to his friend. But now...after what just happened. He was pretty much expected to return to the Yellow Scars. You couldn't just keep asking the leader for favors. This was the second time he went to his friend...and each time he was risking everything for him..and even possibly starting a gang war.

He didn't want to go back to his gang, especially if he was still dating Dyanli but...every second he was getting deeper and deeper back into that life style.

 

The nurse suddenly came in with his breakfast and Jun leaned back in his chair, looking out the window, once again he seemed to be somewhere else, lost in dark thoughts.

"Here you go, is there anything else I can get for you dear? "

The nurse smiled kindly at Dyanli.

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