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Summary: A wonderful story about Ryuu and Kenta, about love and friendship. A delicious story about how love for friends and lover can make us overcome anything.

Status: Complete



Author Note: This is not fanfiction. If that is not allowed then please delete. Also this is a multi-chapter novel so expect plot. ^^



Chapter 1a




It can be funny how things change. In just a few months my life is completely different from what it was. Looking back I’m amazed that so much happened in such a short amount of time. Stretching my legs out underneath the table I looked at my band mates. Akira was texting someone, probably Reiko. Sora was in the process of trying to get himself hit.


“Stop it Sora.” Hasu yanked the handheld out of the bassist’s reach glaring at him. I didn’t bother to hide my amusement, letting a chuckle slip free.


“You are going to lose, just let me beat that boss for you.”


“No, I can do it if you’d quit pestering me. Damn it Sora! You made me lose again.”


I laughed softly and slid out of my seat, swaying with the movement of the bus. Hasu didn’t cuss all that often and when he did-


“Ow! Owowowow! Let go! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again.”


I glanced back over to see Hasu with a fist full of Sora’s long red hair holding his head against the table. His eyes were firmly fixed on the small screen even as Sora struggled to get loose. Hasu might be almost a foot shorter and four years younger, but it was pretty obvious that Sora had no chance. Our little drummer was strong enough to flip the tall bassist on his head, quite literally.


Turning back around, I opened the small fridge and grabbed myself a Coke. The weekend had gone exceptionally well. Both concerts had been huge hits and I’d met my new best friend. Speaking of Tatsuya, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and grinned seeing the text message. Shopping was on for next weekend. If I got bored this week I might invite him out to eat or something. I’d never met anyone quite like him and we’d had so much fun coming up with new outfit ideas. I really couldn’t wait to see him again. Sitting back down, I took a sip of the coke. Speaking of seeing people again . . . it was going to be a couple of days before I got to see Kenta again. I sighed, running my finger along the lip of the can.


Maybe Reiko was right. Maybe I was just chasing after a dream. I just couldn’t let it go. Not yet. After all the time I’d spent around him he’d seen me at my best and my worst and he still was just as patient and kind as ever. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I’m too emotional and act before I fully think things through. At least that is what everyone tells me. I took another sip of the Coke, thinking.


“What’s wrong, Ryuu?”


I looked up to meet Akira’s light brown eyes. “Nothing, was just thinking.”


“Did you have fun this weekend?”


I nodded, “Yeah. Tatsuya and I are going to get together this week. He’s got some wicked ideas for new concert outfits.”


Akira shook his head, a wry smile twisting the full lips. “You two knowing each other scares me.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at that, even if there was a hint of pain in it. “He’s so much fun! Oh my god, I can’t wait to see him again.”


Something in Akira’s eyes changed slightly and I looked away knowing it had sounded forced.


“What are you hiding Ryuu?”


Trust Akira to see right through me. I shrugged, unable to keep the smile in place. Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to going back to my huge empty apartment. I loved being with everyone, meeting Tatsuya had seemed to underline the fact that without my friends around I was nothing. That old fear from high school from before I’d met Sora always tried to resurface then. What if they only were friends with me because my family was wealthy? What if it was all fake? With Sora I knew it wasn’t. For one, we’d been friends for too long and his family was almost as well off as mine.


“Umm, you guys going to come over sometime this week? We’ve got that new material . . .”


“Ryuu, if you want us to come over just say so. You don’t have to make up an excuse for us to come over.”


Sora’s gentle tone actually made me feel worse. It made me feel like a whiny, needy, self centered jerk.


“Oh no, it’s cool. I was just wondering. I know it’s been a really busy weekend and I don’t expect you guys to come over.” I glanced back over at Akira studying him for a moment. He’d changed in the year since he’d met Reiko. He was more confident and happier. A lot happier. I would never have been able to make him as happy as Reiko did. Even now that thought hurt. I loved him, more than he probably realized, but I’d slowly come to realize that it wouldn’t have worked no matter how hard I tried. That led me to think about Kenta. Just thinking about those sultry dark eyes and the deep voice gave me chills. He was the quiet, calm presence that my life had been lacking for so long.


“You are thinking about Kenta aren’t you?” I looked up expecting to get the usual sarcasm from Sora, instead he was looking at me concern clearly visible in the light green eyes.


I couldn’t hold his gaze. “Was it that obvious?”


“Well lately it’s been pretty obvious that . . . “ Sora paused and looked over at Hasu who was once again absorbed in his game. He picked up the headphones and after plugging them in, put them on Hasu getting a look but no argument. Sometimes the big oaf was more protective than he needed to be.


“You like him don’t you?” I looked back over at Akira surprised. “I know how affectionate you are Ryuu, but the way you look at him is totally different.”


I took another long drink of my Coke wanting to avoid the conversation. “It’s pointless though. Reiko is right.”

“You don’t know Ryuu.” I looked at Sora but his eyes were on Hasu, not the game, but Hasu. I almost smirked, but we were both in the same situation. We liked people we couldn’t have and who were oblivious to our feelings. At least the person I liked was my age. “I know he seems distant, but you are his employer after all.”


“What you suggesting I fire him so I can date him?”


“No, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t give up.”


“I agree with Sora.” Akira’s soft look seemed to sharpen the pain in my chest. “Just give it some time. I’ll see if Suke knows anything, they do work together you know.”


“Y-yeah, thanks.” Akira's older brother was a gang member as well and I knew that Suke and Kenta worked together all the time. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. I’d rather things stay as they were. I could be happy just being by him couldn’t I? I looked over at where Sora was practically laying over on Hasu to see the screen, softly whispering pointers. It would be worth it just to be Kenta’s friend if nothing else.




“Oh come on Ryuu! You can’t be serious!” I blinked at Akira surprised.


“But I thought you’d like it-“


“It’s a skirt Ryuu! A fucking skirt!”


“B-but it’s just part of the outfit-“


“I don’t care! You are not making me the girl of the band.”


“I wasn’t trying to! I just thought-“


“Yeah, you thought wrong. Like usual.”


I gasped softly, shocked at the hostile tone and glare. I was not used to Akira getting so upset and especially not with me. Grabbing the outfit out of his hands, I backed up. I started to say something, but the way he was looking at me seemed to close my throat off. Turning I fled down the hallway, slamming the door to my room shut behind me. Throwing the offending outfit I sat down on the floor, my back to the door. Closing my eyes I brushed away the tears. I couldn’t handle him yelling at me. His outfit had been the most difficult to get right and for him to so obviously hate it hurt. I’d worked two weeks on the design with Tatsuya’s input. Two weeks for nothing. Tatsuya was going to be so disappointed. Not to mention that now I felt like a complete idiot.




“Just forget it. You’re right. I’m just stupid and can’t do anything right.”


I could hear him sigh through the door. “You’re not stupid Ryuu-“


“No you were right, even Reiko says that all my ideas fail. I should just give up. Why do you guys even bother . . .” I couldn’t stop the tears anymore even as much as I hated them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in my arms. I could hear Sora talking to Akira in the hallway but didn’t bother trying to make out the words. Why was I so stupid? I knew how Akira felt about looking feminine. It was just the outfit was perfect for him, or at least I thought so. He looked so good in anything I put him in, it almost wasn’t fair. The voices faded and I decided that I probably should go tell Akira I was sorry. I knew how sensitive he was about looking feminine. I’d just gotten caught up in the excitement and hadn’t been thinking. Going over to the pile of fabric, I picked it up and set it on the bed. It would have to be altered, but I could probably make it into something Akira would feel more comfortable wearing.


Going to the bathroom I splashed a bit of cold water on my face trying to wash away the tears, but my eyes were still a bit red. Shaking my head, I glared at myself in the mirror. “You are lucky anyone even wants to be friends with you.” I told the reflection. “Stupid emotional idiot.”


“I’d rather you didn’t talk about yourself that way, Ryuu.”

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I could tell I’d scared him, the way he spun around and backed against the counter the grey eyes wide. Made me feel like shit. I knew how jumpy he could be. What I wasn’t prepared for was to have him suddenly fling himself at me. Not that he didn’t do it that often, I just hadn’t thought a little argument with Akira would set off these kind of tears. I patted his head, stroking his hair as he cried into my t-shirt. I’d come to realize that it calmed him down to have the physical contact. The first few months of working for him had been fucking awkward to say the least.


“I should have known . . . I did know . . . I just didn’t think.” Ryuu mumbled his breath hot through the fabric of my t-shirt. I could only assume he was talking about the outfit thing. Akira and Sora had explained why Ryuu had suddenly decided to lock himself in his room at the same time I happened to get to the apartment.

“It’s not a big deal, Ryuu. Come on. No reason to cry about it.”


“I-I know . . . I just . . . don’t like it when he yells at me.”


“Yeah, but you cry when Reiko yells at you too.”


“She hits when she yells.”


“Fuck yeah. Girl is fucking crazy.” I was glad she wasn’t there to hear me say it. I loved Reiko, but the girl was painful to be around sometimes. God help you if you hurt Akira. You’d be better off cutting off your own balls. “Just, don’t tell her about the outfit.”


“No, upset enough with Akira yelling at me, don’t want to get smacked too.” Ryuu finally looked up at me and I felt my heart speed up just a bit as those oddly colored eyes stared at me. “Sorry Kenta. You just get here and I’m being all stupid and emotional.”


Grabbing his shoulders I shook him slightly. “What did I say about calling yourself stupid? Quit or I will smack you myself.”


Something flickered in his eyes and I felt my stomach drop. I’d seen that look before and it was one I’d never wanted to see again on someone I cared about. The next instant it was gone and he nodded, trying to smile.

“I need to go apologize to Akira.”


I let him go and stepped out of his way. The slender frame brushed by me and I had the sudden urge to pull him back and make sure he really was alright. Fuck. I rubbed my forehead looking down. What had that look I’d seen been about? I knew where I’d seen it before and that thought scared me shitless. It was my job to keep him safe, safe and happy.


I followed him on out into the living room where the other boys were watching a movie. Going to the kitchen I went to see if there were any leftovers. Staring at the empty fridge I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. Hasu might not be any taller than Akira but he ate enough for both of them put together. If he wasn’t eating he was moving or sound asleep. Grabbing out my phone I called the closest carry out and ordered everyone’s favorite things. Akira and Ryuu were still talking when I hung up but things seemed less tense. Ryuu was laughing and smiling again and Akira was gesturing as he described something. Leaning against the counter I watched them for a little bit. The general public had no idea that the members of Bloody Agony were such close friends even outside of work. Ryuu had a lot to do with that. He needed them, just as much as they needed each other. It really was like a little family.


While I waited for dinner to arrive, I called Hayate to check on how things were going at the bar. It was a slow night so he told me to stay put.


“Daisuike had a bit of a rough day today.”


“Oh?” That was unusual. Normally all Daisuike had to do was look at someone to get what he wanted.


“Um yeah. From what I heard him and Jiro both got the shit beat out of them.”


“What?” I said it too loud and saw the boys look over at me. Turning my back I lowered my voice. I didn't like to involve the band in anything gang related if I could help it. That Akira's brothers ran the gang was enough. “What the fuck happened? Why didn’t they call?”


“It went down too fast from what Jiro told me. I guess Ruka is throwing a fit about it though.”


I couldn’t say I blamed him. If anyone ever hurt Ryuu . . . I shook my head. It was my job to keep him safe. I’d kill anyone that touched him or any of the boys. “They need anything?”


“Nah, though I think Jiro was going to call Akira to come home and help patch them up.”


“He ain’t called yet-“ I’d barely got the words out when I heard the distinct ring of Akira’s phone. “Never mind. I gotta go. Talk to you later.”


Akira was already on the phone and I frowned watching how pale he suddenly went. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be right there. I gotta go guys. Suke got hurt.” He was already on his feet and headed for the door.


The apartment was quiet for a bit after Akira left. Everyone of us knew how close the two brothers where and after almost losing Daisuike a few months ago any little thing scared Akira now. Walking into the living room I put on a movie. I glanced over as Ryuu walked up to me. He glanced up but didn’t hold my eyes for long.

“I was . . . just wondering how long you were going to stay tonight?”


I looked at him for a moment. “How long do you want me to stay?”


A look I’d never seen before crossed his face, but then he glanced away again. “I-I don’t care. I think Sora and Hasu were going to spend the night.”


I nodded. That was pretty usual. I knew how much Ryuu hated to be alone. I’d learned pretty quickly that he not only craved attention but needed it. He’d rather skip a meal and do an impromptu signing or meet and greet. If I let him, he’d wear himself to nothing promoting the band. I got the door when the bell rang and took the food thanking the boy. I gave him a generous tip, knowing I’d seen him at another job locally too. I knew what it was like to work multiple jobs just to try to make ends meet.


“Hey, foods here guys.”


“Oh! You got us food! Sweet! Thanks Kenta!” Hasu, of course, was the first one to the table. He gave me a quick hug, making it impossible to breathe for a moment. The kid was just too fucking strong for his own good. I should know, we sparred with each other on a regular basis. I would seriously get out of shape otherwise and what kind of bodyguard would I be then?


Hearing the house phone ring, I frowned and walking over picked it up. The smell of the food was starting to get to me, if I didn’t hurry up Hasu would eat my portion too. He’d already devoured his food and had started on what I’d ordered for Akira.


“Ito residence.”


“Oh Kenta.” I rolled my eyes hearing Kaori’s trill. “Is my beautiful boy there?”


“Yeah, just a sec.” Holding the receiver against my chest I looked around. “Ryuu, it’s your ma.”


He jumped up from the table. “Oh! I’m coming.”


He smiled at me as he took the phone, his eyes seeming to linger for just a moment. I went back to go see if Hasu had left me any food.


“Hey, brat, where is my food.” Hasu looked up at me noddles hanging out of his mouth. He glanced down and had the grace to look sheepish. There were three empty containers around him already.


“Sorry.” He pushed the carton toward me and handed over the chopsticks. I handed them back and got my own out.


“Fuck Hasu, you ate half of it already. I’m going to kick your ass.” That got me the wide eyed innocent look that he was so famous for. At least it wasn’t fake, usually. I didn’t let it phase me as I stuffed in a mouthful. I waved the now empty chopsticks at him. “Don’t think that look is going to save you. I owe you for last time.”


He grinned at me, the cheeky little shit. “Yeah, we’ll see. You said that last time too.”


I grunted, shoving in another bite. “Don’t think you know everything about fighting, Hasu. It’s one thing to spar, getting into an actual fight is totally different.”


Hasu nodded, his eyes losing some of the innocent sparkle. I could barely hear him when he next spoke. “Yeah, I know.”


Clearing my throat I looked around. Sora was sprawled on the couch watching the movie I’d put in, Ryuu had disappeared, probably into the office so he could talk with his mother.


“But hey, that’s why we spar right? So we are ready if the time comes.” I didn’t like seeing this subdued side of Hasu. It made me wonder who had fucked with him. A kid as cute and friendly as him shouldn’t have any enemies at all, much less get into fights. He was smarter than me by far and could probably talk his way out of just about any situation. Me . . . I’d rather just get it over with and go on. Words don’t come easy for me. I finished what was left of my dinner and sat back watching him for a moment. He was busy gathering up the empty cartons to throw away.


“I probably better get going.” I got up grabbing up my trash. “Jiro might need some help tonight.”


Hasu looked up at me. “You might want to tell Ryuu you are leaving. He always gets pouty if you leave without saying anything.”


“Oh.” Tossing the cartons I looked down hall, the door to the office was open. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

I poked my head in the office door and grinned seeing him leaning back in the chair, his feet propped up in the desk. The phone was cradled against his shoulder, but he was sound asleep. I could hear the soft murmur of Koari’s voice through the speaker. Walking over, I carefully took the phone laying his head back.


“Ito-san, I’m sorry he fell asleep.” I whispered.


“Oh,” There was a sigh and a soft laugh from the other end. “I wondered. Thank you for taking such good care of my son, Arakaki-kun. He talks about you all the time.”


After telling her good bye I hung up, wondering what she’d meant. Looking down at the sleeping vocalist I shook my head. Why the hell would he talk about me to his mother? Didn’t make a lot of sense to me.


Leaning down over him I smiled. “Ryuu, if you are that tired why don’t you go to bed?”


His eyelids fluttered for a moment giving the slightest glimpse of grey before closing again. “Will you come with me?”

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Today was going to shit. It had already gone to hell, and things were getting impossibly worse. Ryuu had locked himself in his dressing room and wasn’t letting anyone in. It was our second day on set shooting the band’s new promotional video and it seemed that anything and everything that could possibly go wrong was. I stood outside, leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for the latest tantrum to run its course. I’d never seen Ryuu this moody and even Sora was confused. It was almost like Ryuu was inventing reasons to stay in his dressing room.


“Fuck this.” Taking out my key I opened the door to the room. I blinked a few times surprised that it was completely dark. “Ryuu?”


There was no answer and a little rush of apprehension had my skin crawling. “Damn it Ryuu, what the hell is wrong with you? Everyone is waiting on you so we can wrap up shooting.”


“I don’t care.” I couldn’t pin point exactly where his voice had come from and reaching over I flipped the light switch. Nothing.


“Fuck. What the hell did you do to the light?”


“Just go out.”


I scowled hearing the tremor in his voice. “Are you crying?”






“Just go out!” I jumped surprised to hear him scream at me like that. It wasn’t like Ryuu at all. Something was really wrong and I wasn’t leaving until I figured out what it was.


“Shut the fuck up.” I slammed to door behind me, giving myself a moment until my eyes adjusted to the dim light. I could hear a soft sound that I instantly recognized as Ryuu crying. Fuck it all to hell. I was going to beat him. Why the fucking hell was he crying anyway? He’d been the one who’d thrown the hissy fit when the stylist had accidentally burned him with the iron. I spotted him huddled up on the small love seat that occupied one wall. Walking over to the dressing table I flipped the light on and turned to face him. He wouldn’t look at me. Tears were streaming down his face. His make-up was ruined and it looked like he’d ripped the hairpiece out too.


“Ryuu . . .” I kept my voice low, trying to get him calmed down. It hurt me more than I felt it should to see him like this. Standing in front of him I reached down to touch his arm and got my hand batted away.


“Don’t touch me! Just don’t fucking touch me.” He was sobbing now, the sound piercing me. Fuck. It should not hurt this much to see him upset. It should not make me want to pull him close and do whatever I could to see that brilliant smile again. “Why are you here? Why don’t you just leave?”


“It’s my job to take care of you Ryuu.”


That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Ryuu was suddenly on his feet, his face inches from mine. “I am not just a fucking job!”


I caught his wrist as he went to leave and shoved him back down on the sofa. I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips as I stared down at him. “You are going to fucking calm down and tell me what the fuck is wrong or so help me you will not be finishing this PV. I’ll send everyone home and cancel the shoot.”


“N-no don’t . . . I . . . I’m sorry.” His voice sounded so small and hollow, so unlike the Ryuu I knew. Letting go of his wrist I sat down next to him. I didn’t say anything, just waiting. It took several minutes but I finally heard him take a deep breath.


“I . . . it’s my fault. I can’t even look at him without thinking that it was my fault. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut. He must hate me. Reiko is upset with me anyway. She yelled at me at the hospital and hasn’t really talked to me since. I didn’t mean-“


“Ryuu . . . it’s not your fault.” I sighed and leaned forward resting my arms on my knees, hanging my head. This again? “Akira has other issues too, we all know that. None of us realized he wasn’t eating.”


I felt him shift next to me, his voice barely audible. “He told me he wanted to look good for the shoot. Everyone must think I’m an egomaniacal insensitive jerk. Even the fans are going to hate me now.”


I wasn’t sure what egomaniacal meant, but it didn’t sound good. “The fans don’t hate you Ryuu. And no one thinks you are like that. We all failed Akira.”


Soft hair brushed my cheek as Ryuu laid his head over on my shoulder. The subtle scent of hairspray and his expensive cologne surrounded me. “I hate it. He’s always been so small anyway, and now he’s just skin and bones. Every time I look at him I get this sick feeling. He could have died Kenta and it would have been my fault. I know he’s doing better now but . . . he’s lost so much weight. His outfit doesn’t even fit anymore. Why do I have to be so stupid?”


“Ryuu,” I was careful to keep any trace of anger out of my voice. He was still blaming himself for Akira’s anorexia? I’d thought we’d discussed this while Akira was in the hospital, though it seemed Ryuu was still feeling like it was his fault. “It was his choice. It’s not like you were taking food away from him.”


There was a loud sigh and the warmth was suddenly gone. “I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that he acted on something I said.” There was a long silence. “Kenta, I’m sorry. Um . . . can you please tell everyone I’ll be out in a few minutes to finish the filming.”


“Sure Ryuu.” I got to my feet and headed for the door. Opening it I turned back to him, but he was already at the mirror trying to fix his hair. I sighed and shut the door behind me. It was just like him to blame himself for something like this. Silly twit.


I tracked down the director and had a few words with him. Ryuu had to be handled delicately when he was in this kind of a mood. His self esteem was so fragile it was almost pathetic and it made me wonder why that was the case. The guy had everything. Wealth, fame, looks, girls (and guys) literally throwing themselves at him so why was his self esteem shit? It didn’t make any sense to me.


I sat off to the side as they finished wrapping up shooting. Ryuu was his usual smiling, happy, confident self. Watching and listening to him sing always gave me chills. There was just something about his voice, the emotion he could put into it that got to me every time. I’d been a fan of their music before I’d ever met them in person. Knowing Ryuu and the other boys hadn’t changed that, if anything I was even more of a fan now because I knew just how fucking hard they worked.


“You guys looked great.” I handed Hasu a bottle of water and a towel, I had a Coke waiting for the other three. I got three smiles and a grimace. Ryuu wasn’t happy. Go figure. I followed them out to the van after they’d changed. Reiko was waiting. Akira immediately went to her and I heard Ryuu sigh. I frowned looking over at him. That had been happening a lot lately. Was he jealous or something? Reiko was pretty hot. A bit too aggressive for my tastes, but that didn’t seem to faze Akira. I bumped his arm with my elbow to get his attention.


“What’s wrong?”


He shrugged, not looking up at me. “Just tired I guess. Sorry about earlier.”


“Don’t worry about it.” I opened the van door for him and waited until the other two had climbed in before getting in myself. Akira was headed out with Reiko. If anyone could whip that boy into shape it would be her. She wouldn’t be above force feeding him if she had to.


We dropped Sora and Hasu off at their places and drove back across town to the gated apartment complex that Ryuu called home. He hesitated before getting out. Soft grey eyes regarded me for a moment.


“You want to come up?”


“Nah, I gotta get home and change. It’s my night to work at the restaurant.”


“Yeah, of course. Sorry. See you later then.”


I watched him leave wondering why I had the odd sensation that my heart was dropping through my gut.

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The apartment was cold and dark. And empty, very empty. I tried not to think about how things had gone at the studio. Kenta probably thought I was a complete idiot. Everyone else did too. Not that I blamed them. I’d acted just like a spoiled rich brat not getting his way. Throwing a stupid tantrum was not going to help Akira at all. It was just my own self pity and insecurity.


Without bothering to turn on any lights I headed straight for my room. Stripping, not even bothering to put my clothes in the hamper, I slid under the covers. I was too tired, physically and emotionally to bother with a shower. Filming was tiring anyway and I’d worn myself out being all emotional and stupid. Clutching at the pillow I buried my face against it. No matter what anyone said it was my fault Akira had quit eating. It had been my insistence that everyone look good for the filming that had started it. I was sure of it. I knew how sensitive he could be when it came to his appearance. Some friend I was.


Sighing, I forced myself not to think about it. The filming was over. Akira had already gained a couple of pounds back since leaving the hospital two weeks ago. Reiko would take good care of him. Better than I ever did or could.


I woke sometime later. The green glow from the clock on the nightstand barely illuminated the side of the bed. It was just after three in the morning. I sat up looking around wondering what had woke me. I was too tired to bother getting up and snuggled back down into the covers. I’d no sooner closed my eyes than I felt the bed move. Terror surged through me, freezing me in place.


“You little slut.”


I gasped, hearing the familiar voice, one I’d hoped to never in my life to hear again. I scrambled back, grasping for the sheets.


“You thought you could get rid of me didn’t you?”


I slammed into the head board and glanced around frantic for a way to get away. The light seemed wrong and I couldn’t breathe. It was suddenly hard to move.


“D-don’t touch me!”


“Oh, I’m going to do a lot more than touch you.” His voice was like liquid terror pouring over me, seeping into me until all that existed was those dark eyes and grasping hands. I tried to get away, to get out of the bed, but he grabbed my arm yanking me back down. That incredible strength that I had once relied on was now turned against me. The first hit stunned me and I was roughly flipped over and pinned to the bed.




I gasped as my back hit the floor. I blinked a few times staring up at the ceiling. The room was bright with sunlight. Taking a few deep breaths I laid my head back closing my eyes. It was just a nightmare, but it had felt so real. I could still feel those fingers grabbing for me, feel the fist hitting me. I shuddered and slowly sat up feeling sick. Grasping for the bed I pulled myself up. I was shaking, barely able to keep a grip on the sheets. How could a stupid dream scare me that bad? Running a trembling hand through my hair, I forced myself not to think about it, about him. Staggering to my feet I made it into the bathroom, grabbing my phone on the way.




“Who the fuck . . .” I groaned feeling around for my phone. I blinked a few times trying to focus on the display. “Six in the fucking morning. You better have a damn good reason Ryuu . . . Hey whats-“


“Kenta?” I sat up, any tiredness forgotten at the breathless panicked voice. I’d never heard him sound like that before and it sent a chill through me. “Can you come over please?”


“Yeah sure. It’ll take me about thirty minutes to get there.”


“O-okay, just let yourself in.”


“Alright, I’m on my way.”


I got there in twenty minutes. The doorman nodded as he let me into the lobby. Taking the elevator to the sixth floor I got out my key. I was nervous for some reason. Ryuu had sounded so upset and . . . scared. That was the only thing I could think. He’d sounded terrified on the phone. Opening the door I let myself in, making sure to take my shoes off. The apartment was almost eerily silent.


“Ryuu?” I checked each room as I walked down the hall. He wasn’t in the office or the studio that left the bedroom. Opening the door, I blinked a few times at how bright the room was with the sunlight streaming in. The bed was a mess, the sheets mostly on the floor, but no Ryuu. Where the hell was he?


“Kenta?” The soft, almost hesitant voice startled me. Turning I spotted him standing in the bathroom wrapped in a sheet. He’d been crying, that much was obvious from the blood shot eyes. I started toward him, stopping as he looked down, his whole posture changing as he almost seemed to crumple in on himself.


“I’m sorry for calling you so early . . . I . . . just had a bad dream is all.”


Must have been one hell of a bad dream, I thought to myself, to get him this upset. “Well, it’s over now. I’m here so I might as well make you some breakfast. Why don’t you come in the kitchen with me and you can tell me about this dream.”


He nodded slowly still not looking at me. When he made no move to follow me I walked toward him. I reached for his arm thinking it would comfort him; instead he flinched, cowering almost as if he expected me to hit him. I narrowed my eyes. One fucking hell of a nightmare apparently. Slowly I grasped his wrist and pulled him toward me, not meeting any resistance.


“Ryuu . . . why don’t you-“ I grunted in surprise as he suddenly grabbed me, his arms wrapped tight around my chest as he buried his face against my neck. He was entirely too warm and I suddenly realized . . . completely naked. Fuck. That shouldn’t matter. Ryuu was upset. Ignoring the feel of the slender, toned frame pressed up against me I patted his head. “Hey, it’s alright. It was just a dream.”


“Yeah . . . just a dream.” I shivered feeling his lips move against my neck. What the fuck was wrong with me? “I’m sorry for calling you so early . . .”


“Well . . . it’s not really in my job description so I guess I’ll have to charge you extra.”


That got a soft laugh and he stepped back. I found myself staring into blue grey eyes and before I’d even thought about it, I reached up to brush the blonde hair out of his face. “You really need to cut your hair.”

That got my hand smacked and an offended look. “I can’t cut it! The fans love my hair!”


That set off a whole outburst about people not understanding fashion or what it meant to be a visual band. At least I’d got his mind off the dream and whatever else was upsetting him. I chuckled shaking my head as I left him in the bedroom so he could get dressed. Breakfast was going to be simple. I was too fucking tired to make a big fancy breakfast. Going to bed at two in the morning only to get woke up four hours later was not that fun.


I set his plate on the table and sat down to wait on him. When he finally came out I was shocked at how different he looked. He looked every bit the rock star he was, though the timid smile kind of shattered the image. He’d spiked his hair and braided some of the longer strands. Dark eyeliner made the light colored eyes stand out even more. He was wearing his black leather pants that the girls always raved about. I’d had to stop more than one grabby fan from trying to touch him when he wore them. The white button up shirt had yet to be buttoned, showing off the flat stomach and toned chest. I’d give Ito one thing, he was good at looking good. I pointed to the plate.


“Made yer breakfast.”


“Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”


I shrugged and stood up. “Well, for once there was food in the fridge. You goin’ out today.”


“Yeah, I’ve got to meet with one of the producers. I actually forgot to tell you, but . . . I kind of need you to go with me. There is going to be a small press conference later too.”


“Nakamara already told me.” In fact I had Ryuu’s schedule for the next month. Ryuu wasn’t exactly forgetful, he just got busy. “Today just started a little early is all.”


Ryuu’s eyes flicked up for a second as he sat down. “Yeah, sorry about that. Haven’t had one of those nightmares in months.”


I didn’t say anything. If he wanted to talk he would. Going to the fridge I found his juice and got him a can out. He was picking at his food as I set the can down next to his plate.


“Am I that bad a cook?”


“Oh. No! No, it’s just . . . I’m sorry for making you get up so early. I know you worked last night too.”


“Do me a favor and quit fucking apologizing and eat. Next time I’ll just tell you to fuck off.” I smiled at him to show I was kidding and he grinned back at me.


“Yeah right. You like the money too much.”


“Fuck yeah.”

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“No more questions please.” I moved the reporter back, not bothering to be gentle about it. They were supposed to have left him alone after the press conference but everyone wanted to know about Akira.


“It’s alright Kenta.” Ryuu’s soft voice was suddenly in my ear. “I’ve got this.”


I nodded slowly and stepped back slightly so he could get around me. I kept within arms reach glaring at any of the leeches that got to close. I recognized a few of the regulars, they did me too. I got a few glares back but most were too interested in what Ryuu was saying.


“Akira is doing just fine and is resting after filming our new PV. His health has improved and we expect to be able to do another tour in a few months along with the release of the PV.” Ryuu ignored any questions that asked what exactly was wrong with Akira. The official stance was fatigue, but the rumors were flying like they always did. Ryuu handled it all very well and after answering a couple more questions stepped back, my signal that he was done. Waving off the reporters, I led Ryuu back down the hall to the side stairs. I always had at least three routes we could take. His phone was already going off, the sound echoing in the stairwell.


“Hey Tatsuya! Yeah. You got it set up? Awesome! I’ll see you then.” Ryuu hummed as I heard the phone snap shut. If Tatsuya was coming over that probably meant I was going to be free for the evening, for some reason that thought didn’t sit too well. I’d actually been looking forward to spending my one night off with him. As if I wasn’t around him enough as it was. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment.


“Oh, you have to stay for dinner tonight Kenta. Haru and Tatsuya are coming over.”


“Huh?” I looked back at him, nearly missing a step.


“Tatsuya and I have been planning it for a while now, but with everything it kind of got pushed back.”


“Okay . . . well I don’t see why I can’t.” I opened the door for him glancing around to make sure no one was waiting outside.


“Cool.” He grinned at me as he slipped by, his fingers running through my hair. “You should let me do your hair.”


“Like hell.”


“Oh come on, Haru let’s Tatsuya dress him up.”


Okay . . . that was not something I needed to know about Haru and since when was Haru hanging out with Tatsuya? Seeing the hopeful, almost pleading looking on Ryuu’s face I sighed.


“Fine you can do my hair but that is it! Don’t even ask to do anything else.”


“Oh! Thank you Kenta! I’ve been dying to do your hair. I know just how I’m going to do it too.”


I don’t know what disturbed me more, the fact that I’d agreed or that Ryuu already had a style in mind.


“Well fuck.”




Tatsuya and Haru stayed for quite a while. Cleaning up the empty beer cans from the living room I smiled seeing Kenta sprawled on the couch. It was kind of unusual to see him so relaxed. He looked entirely too good at the moment and I wondered how he did it. I had to work hours to look that sexy and he did it without even trying. His eyes were half closed but I could tell he was watching me as I walked around the living room. It gave me a rush, my heart suddenly pounding harder, my skin tingling.


“Did you have fun?” His voice was a bit slurred by too many beers.


“Yeah, did you?”


“Yeah, though it’s weird seeing Haru like that.”


“He’s happy. How is that weird?” It had been entirely too cute to see Haru and Tatsuya together. It was kind of odd to think that the normally acerbic and sometimes violent Haru was so considerate and gentle with the petite escort. Though the relationship obviously was working for the two of them which made me happy. Tatsuya and I had planned tonight, hoping that Kenta would get the hint. Though it didn’t seem to be working. Maybe I would have to do something to help it along.


“No, that’s not what I meant.” Kenta pushed himself up on the couch. “He’s fun at work. He’s always joking with someone, it was just . . . different. He treats Tatsuya like he’s made of glass or something.”

I giggled, unable to help it. “No not really. He’s just tender and sweet and affectionate. Tatsuya eats it up.”


Kenta laughed. “Haru? Sweet?”


“Yes.” I walked over standing in front of him looking down at him. The man was impossibly good looking and it took all my self control not to pounce him right then and there. “Is that so hard to believe?”


“Umm . . . yes.”


“Really? You know there are a lot of people who would say the same of you. They only see the brusque, harsh bodyguard.”


He blinked at me the smile fading just a bit. “I’m not harsh.”


“I know you aren’t.” I knelt down, grabbing a beer can that had somehow ended up under the couch. Setting it on the coffee table I let my gaze travel up. His dark eyes met mine and I realized I was dying to know what he was thinking. The way he was looking at me was making my whole body run hot. I shifted forward so that I was between his knees, my eyes still locked on his. “Believe me, I know you aren’t really like that. You are kind, and considerate, compassionate, honest, forgiving, patient, and stunning.”


Long lashes lowered almost hiding the dark eyes. He was smiling at me. “You are so full of shit, Ryuu.”


I leaned forward, placing my hands on either side of his hips. “Am I? I don’t think so.”

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The tingling sensation running through me had nothing to do with the slight buzz I’d been experiencing from the alcohol. Ryuu was too damn pretty looking at me with those soft grey eyes. He wasn’t just pretty, he was downright fucking hot. There weren’t a lot of girls who looked as good as he did. Especially with the way he was looking at me right now, those impossible grey eyes staring at me. He was leaning up against me, the heat from his body soaking through my pants and t-shirt.


It was still a shock though when those soft full lips pressed against my own. He tasted like the wine we’d had with dinner, sweet yet tart. It kind of fit him. I slowly pulled back after a moment, confused as hell.


“Um . . . I know you like being all affectionate and stuff, but isn’t that going a bit far?”


Ryuu shook his head and licked his lips, grinning at me. “Mm, no I don’t think so. I’ve wanted to do that for ages.”


“Ryuu you’ve-“ He kissed me again and I was shocked to find myself getting lost in the sensation. I’d never been kissed like this, not with this kind of . . . passion, I guess was the right word. It was like being gently assaulted until all that existed was the feel of supple lips on my own. I’d been kissed before, but it hadn’t been anything like this. It hadn’t made me feel light headed and dizzy, my whole body tingling like crazy.


“Fuck.” Was all I could manage once he pulled back and he giggled.


“You taste good, but you have a dirty mouth.”


I smirked, “You like my dirty mouth.”


“Yes, yes I do. But that’s not the only thing I like.”


“I think you are drunk.” It was time to end this before it got out of hand.


“No I’m not!”


“Yeah you are.” I got to my feet, pulling him up. This was getting a bit too awkward for the moment. It was one thing to have him being all clingy and stuff, but this was something entirely different and I needed a bit to sort out just what the fuck was going on. It wasn’t like Ryuu wasn’t known for randomly kissing people. He’d done it to Akira often enough.


“You are upset with me.” Ryuu flashed me a look before moving a few steps away.


“No.” I actually didn’t know what I was. I grabbed his arm as he stumbled. “Let’s get you to bed.”


“I’m not tired.” He was pouting now. I really hated it when he pouted.


“It’s two in the morning. You are tired and you are drunk. Don’t forget you are going on that show tomorrow. ”


“Oh . . . oh! Yeah . . . “ He glanced sideways at me and I was shocked at how the look affected me. Holy hell, a look should not be able to make me feel like that. Deciding it was best to ignore it, I tugged on his arm pulling him around the coffee table.


“Come on. Bed time.” He tried to pull away from me starting to complain. On a whim I yanked him toward me and picked him up. He made the cutest noise, something between a squeak and a yelp, staring at me with wide eyes. “Shut up, not like I haven’t carried you before. Don’t need you falling and bashing your head on something.”


His answer was to wrap his arms around my neck. I had to be fucking nuts, encouraging this. Nakamara was going to fire me. I kicked the door to his room open and went to set him on the bed. He wouldn’t let go.


“Ryuu . . .”


“I don’t want you to leave.”


“Ryuu, I need to go home. This isn’t-“


“You don’t like me.” I frowned watching him as he finally let go, sitting back. His voice was soft, almost defeated sounding. “Reiko was right.”


“Reiko is smart, but she’s not always right.” I let it go at that. “Besides, you are drunk and just being overly friendly, though that’s pretty fucking normal for you.”


He shook his head forcefully. “No! No . . . “ His voice lowered as he shifted back on the bed, drawing up slender legs. “I’m not being a slut.”


I frowned. Where the hell had that come from? “No one said you were a slut.”


“You must think I am . . . coming on to you like I did. That’s why you pushed me away.”


I sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. “Just go to sleep Ryuu, you are drunk and tired and you aren’t making a lot of sense. Everyone knows you are touchy feely, so it’s no big deal.”


“That’s not fair Kenta.” The bed dipped as he moved around. “That’s like saying you are bad-tempered and offensive.”


“I am.” I chuckled and started to get up only to have a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around me.


“Please don’t leave.” I sighed feeling him lay his head against my back.


“I won’t leave until you go to sleep.”


Feather soft lips brushed my ear sending a rush of heat through me. “Thank you.”




I jerked awake and looked around. I was still sitting up in the chair next to Ryuu’s bed. Shifting around I winced, my leg was asleep and there was a crick in my neck. Looking over at the bed I could just make out the dark lump that was the singer. He’d gone to sleep fairly quickly after his shower. The weirdo had asked if I wanted to join him. I figured it was the alcohol talking. Though in the back of my mind somewhere where I didn’t really want to acknowledge it, I wished it wasn’t. It was a bit odd that those thoughts kept popping up more and more when it came to the singer.


Sitting awake watching him sleep was giving me entirely too fucking much time to think and I didn’t like where my thoughts were going. They kept going back to the kiss. I realized I was touching my lips and put my hand in my lap. That didn’t seem to be a good place either. Fucking hell. Ryuu was my boss! And a guy. A fucking hot guy, but a guy. Fuck.


Getting up I headed into the bathroom. It was almost six anyway and I needed a shower. I could wear a pair of Ryuu’s jeans for work. We were close enough to the same size. Stripping I glared, better make it a cold shower. So, I’m a fucking baby. I couldn’t take the cold shower and finally turned it as hot as I could stand. Ryuu had the most awesome shower. The best thing about it was that I didn’t have to share it with the entire floor like at home. Besides that it was fucking huge. You could swim in the tub and the shower could fit six people in it easily. I used his fruity smelling shampoo to wash my hair only to realize I was grinning at the thought of smelling like him. Now that was just fucking weird. He always smelled so good. Me, I usually just smelled like my deodorant. Or sweat. Sometimes blood.


A sudden rush of cold air startled me and I looked around only to see Ryuu grinning sleepy eyed at me as he stepped into the shower behind me.


“Fucking hell.”


“Good morning to you too.”

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I woke up to the sound of running water and the realization that it had to be Kenta sent my pulse racing. I hadn’t expected him to stay. Not really. I’d been a lot more buzzed last night than I’d realized and hoped he wasn’t upset with me. Only one way to find out, I grinned to myself as I slid out of the bed. He hadn’t totally pushed me away last night and he’d seemed less drunk than I was. Opening the door to the bathroom I shivered thinking about the feel of his lips and the way he’d tasted. I would have done anything to have kept him from leaving last night, and waking up knowing he was there gave me a secure content feeling I hadn’t had in a very long time.


I wanted to show my appreciation and more importantly I wanted to get my hands on him again. The surprised look on his face was entirely worth it and I grinned at him. His hair looked even darker when it was wet and I would have given anything to have a picture of his face right then. The dark eyes were wide, generous lips parted in surprise as he stared at me. He blinked a couple of times as if not sure of what he was seeing. It was amusing to see him confused and unsure when he was usually so hard to read.


“What the hell are you doing Ryuu?” He growled turning back around.


It was nearly impossible to resist the urge to lean down and kiss his neck and shoulder. Whipcord muscle under pale smooth skin didn’t hide the sharp angles and lines of his shoulder and hips. Without his clothes he seemed smaller, less imposing but even more beautiful than I’d imagined. “Taking a shower.”


He mumbled something I couldn’t hear as I reached for the soap and a bath sponge. I really wanted to run my fingers along the broad shoulders and down the muscular back. Stepping forward I ran the sponge down his spine watching the trail the soap bubbles made.


“Ryuu.” There was a slight warning tone to his voice and I paused suddenly unsure.


“What?” I tried to sound innocent and unconcerned.


“Go out.”


I sighed. I’d expected him to say that. “It’s my shower.”


I could practically hear him roll his eyes.


“You really are a fucking handful you know that.”


I smirked and stepping closer slid my arms around his waist letting my fingers slip over the water slicked skin of his stomach. “Well, I know you probably are a handful too.”


I gasped suddenly finding myself pinned to the side of the shower, Kenta’s hands tight around my wrists as he held them to either side of my head. I struggled to catch my breath, my heart feeling like it was going to explode out of my chest. Dark, unreadable eyes bored into me so intently I finally had to look away. Was he mad? Maybe I was being too forward.


“Don’t be such a fucking tease, Ryuu.”


I raised my head to look at him. All I could see was dripping wet strands of ebony hair. His voice was soft, his fingers tightening for just a moment. “Just don’t.”


“Kenta . . .” When he wouldn’t look at me, finally letting me go, I reached forward taking his face in my hands. Forcing him to look at me I smiled. “I’m not teasing.”


Leaning forward I kissed him, letting my fingers slide up into the dark locks. He went rigid for a moment and I thought he was going to shove me back. He wasn’t really responding to the kiss, just standing there, but it was more than I’d hoped for. He hadn’t really kissed me back last night either. I slowly pulled back after a moment and looked down into those gorgeous dark eyes. It bothered me to see the almost pained look in them. Was he bothered that much by my kissing him? True not everyone liked it when I kissed them. Akira tended to hit me. But for him to look hurt that I’d done it made me pause, I knew I could sometimes be too forward.


“I’m not teasing you Kenta. I wasn’t last night and I’m not now either. I like you a lot more than you seem to think.” I let him go as he pulled back. Frustration and hurt welled up in me as he turned away. Reiko must be right. Now I’d probably alienated him. He obviously didn’t like me kissing or even touching him. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t I be happy just being friends with him?


“I . . . I’m sorry. I’ll let you finish your shower.”


I started to get out and looked back, feeling those strong fingers grasp my wrist.


“You really are a fucking tease you know that.” His voice was a low growl that sent a shiver down my spine. I was bewildered and a little nervous as he suddenly grabbed me around the waist, pulling me back into the shower. Was he going to hit me? I gasped as he shoved me against the wall of the shower, his lips suddenly attacking mine. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. Nothing was making sense. I’d thought he was upset with me, but the way he was kissing me was simply, utterly amazing. He was aggressive yet hesitant, almost as if he was unsure of what he was doing. It was making my whole body feel like it was on fire, the water suddenly seeming cold where it was hitting me. I couldn’t stop the moan building in my chest. It had been so long since anyone had kissed me, really kissed me with a fervor that I could feel all the way to my toes.

Running my hands down the muscular stomach to his hips, I pulled him closer so that he was pressed against me, shuddering as soft skin caressed mine. There was a hot ache in my chest, completely separate from the other heat that was spreading. Did he really want me? Did I dare hope . . .


“Kenta-“ I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice as he finally pulled back so we could both catch our breath. He gave me one of those heartbreaking beautiful smiles that seemed to melt my insides quicker than anything. I blinked, and let my head drop feeling tears already on my cheeks. “I thought-“


“Shh.” Warm slightly rough fingers wiped at the tears as he tilted my head back up. “Am I that bad a kisser?”


I choked out a laugh. “No! No that’s not it all. I just . . . thought you were mad at me.”


He shook his head the smile still there, “You are one silly idiot. I wasn’t ever mad. Just confused as hell.”


“Oh . . . why?”


He sighed and pulled me into a hug kissing my neck and shoulder. “You have no idea do you? Not a fucking clue.”


“Umm . . . no.” I would do anything I could to stay like this as long as possible. To feel his arms wrapped around me, his pulse against my skin, that silken voice in my ear. He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me and I couldn’t stop the small whine as he started sucking on my neck. I was shaking, but I couldn’t help it, the rush of sensations overwhelming.


“Fuck.” The expletive was softly breathed against my neck. “You drive me fucking crazy, Ryuu. Why do you have to be so goddamn fucking sexy?”


“Umm . . . sorry?”


I stumbled as he shoved me back. “This is all fucked up.”


“No! Wait! Kenta, please. What’s wrong?” I looked at him desperate for an explanation. He couldn’t kiss me like that and say those things only to shove me away the next moment.

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I am such a fucking idiot. Letting my emotions get the better of me like that. But the way he was looking at me now, with blond hair stuck to his face, his eyes looking too large for his face, the full lips parted just slightly shut my brain down. Fuck.








I couldn’t. I couldn’t just walk away. He was already crying, the tears bright in his eyes. The way he’d responded when I’d kissed him had caught me completely off guard. I hadn’t expected to get that turned on by it. It was freaking me out. I wasn’t supposed to get that worked up kissing another guy. But he wasn’t just any guy. He was Ryuu. Sweet, sensitive, affectionate Ryuu. The guy who made me laugh. The one person who seemed to understand that I wasn’t just some pissed off thug. The only person who dared to be physical with me in a way that wasn’t violent. I couldn’t brush that off. I also couldn’t deny that he was looking too damn hot staring at me like that.


Sighing I reached up and moved a strand of hair back from his cheek. He was looking away from me, sniffling.

“Fucking hell. I’m going to get fired.” I grabbed him, crushing those sweet lips, wanting to taste him again. After a bit I stepped back smiling at him. It would be too easy to blow off the interview today and explore where this was going, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. There was plenty of time for that later. Though he didn’t seem to want to stop.


“Oi, you need to get ready and the water is getting cold.”


“Now you are making excuses.” That wicked grin would have scared the shit out of most people who knew him. “I know for a fact that there is at least fifteen more minutes of hot water.”


“Oh really?”


He nodded and leaned in close. “Plenty of time.”


The next thing I knew he was gone. I blinked looking down to see him on his knees in front of me. He looked up at me and I felt my eyes widen. Oh fuck. He wasn’t serious. Holy shit, he was. I gasped, jerking as he grabbed my cock. Sure I'd been hard for a while now, but this was not what I'd been expecting. His grin got impossibly larger.


“Ry-Ryuu wh-what are you-“ Then talking was impossible because that gorgeous, talented mouth had just slid around the head. “F-fuck!”


I felt, more than heard him chuckle and swore I was going to crawl out of my skin. I sagged back against the tile as heat flooded me. With one hand he was massaging my balls while the other slid around my waist holding me close. I managed to open my eyes and look down at him. He was watching me as he slid his mouth back and forth, his tongue stroking me even as he sucked. Those kinds of sensations should not be fucking possible. My legs were turning to jelly. My brain was already mush. Only one thought made it through the pleasure. Why? It didn’t matter for the moment. Not a fucking thing mattered except the way that hot mouth was making me go fucking insane. I tried to move back, to get him off me before I came, but he wouldn’t move and I couldn’t really stop him.


“Holy fucking shit!”


If I hadn’t had the wall to lean against I would have fallen on my ass. It had been ages since I’d come like that and I’d forgotten how drained I could feel. Drained quite literally. I shook my head looking down at Ryuu. He was wiping some off his chin and grinning at me.


“See the water is still hot.”


“Yeah . . .” I turned slightly, feeling-weird didn’t even cover it. What was I supposed to do? Thank him? Kiss him? Fuck him silly? I turned back to him trying to think of what to say and suddenly had a wet, very horny singer clinging to me.


“That was fun.” He was grinning at me. He was so close I could see the flecks of blue in his eyes.


“Fun? No, fun is playing pool. That was fucking awesome.” I’d said it before I really had time to think about it. He giggled and I realized I found the sound utterly and completely adorable.


“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Though I really need to wash my hair now.”


I felt my face heat up. “Oh, oh yeah, sorry.”


My brain was slowly starting to catch up with what had just happened I was quietly freaking out. Ryuu had just given me a blow job and acted like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was. If I was really honest with myself, I’d never been as attracted to someone as I was to Ryuu. At first I’d thought it was just your typical this guy is fucking cool to hang with type thing. Then I’d started to really get to know him and his . . . quirks. Even for all the times I’d gotten pissed at him or had to clean up a mess he’d accidently made or even carry him out to his limo when he passed out after a concert, I couldn’t imagine not having him around, not being with him. He was a very bright spot in my otherwise dim life. Maybe it was time I quit fucking around and went for what I really wanted for once in my life. Right now I wanted to show Ryuu that he wasn’t getting away with something like that.




We somehow managed to make it to the studio on time. To say that I was in a good mood would have been like saying the surface of the sun is warm. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy and just this . . . content. We’d ended up staying in the shower until cold water had driven us out. I’d had to put concealer on a few of the larger hickies on my neck. Kenta had several of his own and as soon as we got back to the apartment I was going to see just how many more I could give him.


The talk show went well. I was too euphoric to let anything get to me. I could see Kenta from where I was sitting and just looking over at him would give me another rush of happiness. The interview couldn’t be over soon enough.


Kenta met me backstage and I stole a kiss, getting a glare in return. “I know. I know.” I patted his chest grinning at him before wiping the lipstick off those amazing lips. “No affection in public. It would ruin your image.”


“Or yours.”


I tried not to pout, but I didn’t like being reminded. “My image is of a crazy singer for a visual kei band. I’m already known for going around kissing people, so why not you?”


I sighed at the look he gave me, my skin prickling with anticipation. “Fine, fine you win. You coming over now?”


“Can’t. Gotta work. My ‘other’ job.”


“Oh . . .” I tried not to sound too disappointed but that was next to impossible. Well, I couldn’t be too greedy. I’d finally made it over the infamous wall that he normally had up and I wasn’t about to get locked back out by being too demanding. Even I knew where to draw the line. “Will you call me when you get off work so I know you got home okay.”


He raised an eyebrow at me and I grabbed his arm pulling him close. “I don’t care what time it is I want you to call me! I worry otherwise.”


“No bitching when I wake you up at three.”


“I promise.” I grinned shivering as he leaned up and kissed me lightly.


“Let’s get going. I gotta go home and change.”




I ended up at Sora’s house. He had Hasu over as well and we played video games till nearly midnight. Hasu had crashed out on one of the bean bag chairs Sora had while we sat on the bed.


“You’ve been in an unusually good mood tonight. You didn’t take those uppers again did you?”


I shook my head. “No, I threw all those away last year. No, its just that something I’d been wanting to happen finally happened.”


Sora leaned closer peering at me. I looked away for a second then met his eyes again. He was grinning at me.


“You’ve got hickies.” His jaw dropped and he stared at me for a moment.


“Reiko was wrong. He’s not straight.” I couldn’t help but laugh falling back on the bed. Grabbing a pillow I hugged it to my chest. “Oh my god Sora, he’s so amazing.”


Sora chuckled softly and leaned over me. “Lucky bastard.”


“Yeah you’re gonna have the bluest balls on the planet if you plan on waiting for him.” I sat up looking over at Hasu. The kid was adorable and I knew exactly why Sora liked him so much. Hasu was perfect for him. Well maybe not perfect, but just what Sora needed. As Sora’s best friend since high school I was qualified to make those kinds of judgments. It was just too bad that Hasu was only sixteen. I’d already been messing around at that age, but Hasu was different and Sora was devoted to protecting him in every way possible. Even from himself. I admired him for it. Not many people would have had that kind of dedication. It showed me just how much the giant idiot loved the little drummer.


“Thanks for reminding me. Asshole.” Sora grinned at me. “Seriously though, I am happy for you Ryuu. Just . . . be careful okay.”


I looked down, clutching the pillow a little tighter. I knew why Sora was worried, but he didn’t need to be, not this time. “Kenta is nothing like him. Nothing at all.”


“He better not be or I’ll kill him. If anything happens, anything at all you call me.”


I looked up at Sora. Setting the pillow to the side I hugged him. “Thanks Sora. You’ve always been an awesome friend.”


“I know. You could use some work though.”



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“You are in a weirdly good mood tonight.” Hayate raised an eyebrow at me as he took the tub full of dirty dishes out of my hands.




“So, what’s going on?”


I realized I was grinning and shook my head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

His eyebrows almost disappeared under his hair. “Really? That good huh? Must have had a good day off then.”


I shrugged and untied my apron. “Yeah. I guess so. I’ll see you tomorrow.”


Heading out to the alley I leaned against my bike were it was parked next to the building. Taking out my phone I looked at it. Three text messages. All from Ryuu. Why did I have the feeling that I’d started something that might be more than I could handle? I had to smile seeing them, a soft warmth filling me.

Hope you are having a good night at work!


I’m at Sora’s so I might still be up when you get off work.


Don’t forget to call me!


Hitting the speed dial I waited. On the third ring I heard someone pick up.


“Hey, it’s me. Just letting you know I’m off work and headed home.”


“Oh hey Kenta, its Sora. Ryuu fell asleep about thirty minutes ago.”


I was surprised at how disappointed I was. Had I really wanted to talk to him that badly? “Oh, um . . . well let him know I called, will ya.”


“Sure thing, and Kenta . . . thanks.”


“Huh? Fer what?”


“I haven’t seen Ryuu this happy in years.”


“Oh. That. Yeah.”


“Just . . . don’t hurt him Kenta. I will personally kill you if you do.” From the tone in Sora’s voice I knew the big guy was dead serious. Hurting Ryuu was the furthest thing from my mind.


“I’m not that stupid.”


A soft chuckle vibrated in my ear. “Be careful going home. I’ll tell him you called.”




I shoved the phone in my pocket and zipped up my jacket. Late summer was giving way to fall pretty quickly and the nights could be chilly. Especially driving a motorcycle. Slipping my helmet on I sighed thinking about what Sora had said. It was my job to protect Ryuu. It was something I’d taken very seriously from the first night I’d started as his personal bodyguard. I’d seen how crazy things could get at a concert. It was no wonder poor Hiro had almost quit after their first tour after Hasu had joined. I couldn’t imagine trying to watch all four of them at once.


Heading home I took the route that drove along the sea. It was a beautiful night. It was just a bit on the cool side with no traffic other than delivery trucks and a few idiots racing. I pulled into my neighborhood, it was quiet and someone had busted out the street lights again leaving the run down buildings in darkness. I was going to have to find the fucker who was doing it. They’d regret it once I got hold of them. Parking my bike under the stairs of the apartment building I headed up to the room they actually fucking called an apartment. Ryuu’s closet was bigger. No joke. It didn’t even have a window; they’d taken it out to put in a door. Fucking slum lords. At least the bathroom was free at this hour. Standing under the barely warm water in the tiny bathroom it finally started to sink in.


I was fucked. Once Nakamara found out I’d messed around with Ryuu he’d fire me. Leaning forward I rested my head on the tile. What the fuck was I going to do? It wasn’t like I could stop being around Ryuu. It was my fucking job to be around him. But I couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened either. Honestly, I would find any excuse I could to be around him. Even if this morning hadn’t happened, I would do anything to be there, to protect him, just watching him if I had to.


“Fuck.” I slammed my fist into the wall and after a moment shut the water off. It was cold anyway and was reminding me too much of the shower earlier. God I missed the crazy weirdo. I got dressed quickly, shivering. I had to keep my mind off Ryuu or I wasn’t going to get any sleep and I had to be up again in five hours. You’d think working two jobs I’d be able to make ends meet. Guess it didn’t help that I tended to give my money away to the homeless kids I was always finding in the area. I’d managed to help a few get decent jobs and a couple of them were now working for Jiro. Not that I wanted this kind of life for them.


Collapsing on my futon I covered my head with the pillow ordering myself to go to sleep. The sooner I fell asleep the sooner I got to see Ryuu.




The phone woke me. It was Hayate.


“We’ve got a problem.” He sounded like he was barely awake and I could hear his partner, Isao, griping in the background.


“What’s going on?”


“Fight at the bar.”


“Fuck. What time is it?”




“Fucking hell. I’m gonna kill somebody.”




I stayed at Sora’s for breakfast, which was fun. He’d told me that Kenta had called around three to say he was going home. I nodded and finished eating the tamago Hasu had made. I didn’t usually like the egg concoction, but something about the way Hasu made it was better than anyone else’s.


“He’s supposed to go with me today. I think.” I leaned my head over on my hand, thinking. Was that today?


“Yeah, you and I have that radio show today.”


“Oh! That’s right! I knew there was something going on today.” I grinned at Sora. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night.”


“It’s fine. You haven’t stayed over in a while.”


“Well someone needs to chaperon you around Hasu.”


Sora reached across the table and smacked me on the forehead making me drop my bite of tamago. “Ouch! What the hell was that for?”


“Don’t be a jerk.”


I looked at him and realized my comment had been rather insensitive. He would never do anything to hurt Hasu, ever. “Sorry.”


“Just cause you are getting some doesn’t mean you need to rub it in my face.”


“I said I was sorry, besides . . .” I looked down at my plate shifting around in my chair. “Haven’t quite got that far yet.”


“Then you really don’t have room to talk. Oh, thanks Hasu. You get enough to eat?” Sora looked up as Hasu came in with the last tray of food.


Hasu nodded. “Yeah, for now.”


“We need to get going Ryuu. Hasu we can drop you off at home on our way if you want.”


“Actually . . . I’d like to go to Akira’s. I texted him earlier about it and he said it was fine.”


“Yeah sure, that works.”


After breakfast we headed across town to where Akira lived with his brothers. I spotted a familiar motorcycle as we pulled up.


“Ah! Kenta is here!” I was surprised. He should have been at home asleep. Why was he at Jiro’s? I jumped out of the limo ignoring Sora telling me we didn’t have time. There was always time. Hasu was right behind me and I could hear Sora cussing me as he followed us. Grinning I opened the door to the apartment. It was full, granted there were only four people, but four people in their tiny apartment meant it was full. Kenta was perched on the arm of the couch while Hayate and Isao were sitting at the kitchen table. Jiro was standing by the window talking to them.


“Hi guys!” I flicked my shoes off and went to tackle Kenta since his back was to me. It was my favorite thing to do ever since I’d met him.


“Ryuu! Don’t!” Jiro’s exclamation was too late. I suddenly found myself on the floor in front of the couch, the breath knocked out of me.


“Goddamn fucking hell you crazy son of a bitch!” Kenta yelled.


“Calm down Kenta!” Jiro snapped as I tried to breathe. I was afraid to move, one leg still up on the cushion as I stared up at one very pissed off Kenta. What had I done?


“What the fuck, Kenta!” Sora yelled as he shoved past him, reaching down to help me up. I’d finally caught my breath, but my chest was aching so fiercely it didn’t matter. Only Sora’s grip on my arm kept me from collapsing into a heap on the floor I was shaking so badly. I turned slightly into Sora trying to get a handle on the rush of emotions, feeling sick. For a moment there I had been terrified that Kenta was going to hit me. He’d never reacted like that before. Ever.


“Why the fucking hell does he always pull shit like that!” Kenta’s voice tore through me. I covered my mouth with my hand, trying desperately to keep the sob in. It wasn’t going to work. Ripping away from Sora, I bolted out of the apartment, tripping down the stairs my eyes blurred with tears. What had I done? Why was he so mad at me? Stumbling out of the building I made it to the limo. Curling up in the backseat I let the sobs overtake me.

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“What is wrong with you?” Sora hissed at me. The sound of Ryuu running down the stairs was too loud. I could still hear that choked back sob. Wrapping an arm around my ribs, I dared to glance over at Jiro. Shit.

He was pissed at me. That look was fucking scary.


“You better go get him.” Isao got up and walked over, placing a hand on Sora’s arm, probably to keep him from hitting me. Hasu was watching all of us, his eyes huge.


“Yes I think you better.” I shivered at Jiro’s tone.


“I’m sorry. He just-it fucking hurt!”


“How was he supposed to know you’ve got busted ribs Kenta?” Isao’s eyes bored into me. “He was happy to see you, quite obviously, and you just treated him like complete shit.”


It was like a blow to the gut. I suddenly felt sick. Fuck. I’d just reacted when he’d grabbed me instead of thinking. I was still in fight mode after this morning and had probably hurt Ryuu in more than one way. I could still see the shocked look on his face, the fear in his eyes. Fuck. Taking a shallow breath I managed to stand up straight. Sora looked ready to spit in my face.


“I don’t care if you are fucking dying you don’t ever, ever treat him like that. You don’t know . . . you don’t know what you’ve done.” Sora shook off Isao’s hand and grabbed the front of my shirt, yanking me forward.

“I might not be yakuza, but I can and I will make you regret ever even thinking about touching him.”


I nodded slowly shocked. As long as I’d known Sora I’d never seen the big guy get this angry. He always just seemed like nothing bothered him. It wasn’t like I’d intended to toss Ryuu on his ass. The combination of the pain and still being on a bit of a high from the fight had made me act before I’d even realized it was Ryuu.


“It was an accident.” I mumbled.


“You fucking threw him on the floor. How is that a fucking accident? He’s too sensitive for you to act like that.” Sora shook me, making me gasp as pain shot through me.


“I get it. I get it. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. I’ll go talk to him.”


Sora shoved me back letting go. His eyes were like jade daggers. “No you won’t. I will go talk to him. I don’t think I want you around him. Fuck! Now I’m going to have to call Nakamara and cancel the radio show. Thanks a fucking lot Arakaki.”


I stood there like a fucking idiot as he left. No one was talking but I could feel their eyes on me, making my skin crawl. I wanted to yell at them, to do something to get rid of this horrible pressure in my chest that had nothing to do with the busted ribs. What the fuck had I done?


“Kenta, why don’t you go sit in my room for a bit. I’ll be in to talk to you.”


I glanced toward Jiro, not daring to meet his eyes. This was bad. No one ever wanted a talk from Jiro. Ever. I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes on the floorboards at my feet. The only sound as I walked down the short hall was my own footsteps. It felt like a death march. I was sore, tired and now . . . depressed. Fuck it all to hell.


I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh or cry and wondered if I was delirious from pain and lack of sleep. Walking over to the bed I sat down wincing at the sudden sharp pain in my side. It was a good distraction from thinking about the look on Ryuu’s face. I really had not meant to hurt him. That didn’t change anything though. I had. End of story. I rubbed a hand over my face startled to realize I was trembling. Ryuu was not going to want to get anywhere near me now. That thought had me feeling lost and panicky. Shit, but I’m a fucking idiot.




I slowly followed Sora back up the stairs. I’d cried for a good thirty minutes but I didn’t feel better. I felt sick and hollow, an ache in my chest that seemed to be sapping all my strength. Sora kept looking back at me but I didn’t bother trying to pretend to smile for him. After he’d explained everything to me, I felt even worse. Kenta was hurt. No wonder he’d reacted like that. It must have been agonizingly painful when I’d grabbed him. It was no wonder he’d thrown me off like that. I shuddered, a rush of apprehension washing over me as Sora let us back into the apartment. I honestly wasn’t sure I could face him. Never once in the whole time he’d been working for me had he ever yelled at me like that. It hurt worse than hitting the floor had.


“There you are.” Daisuike’s gentle voice made me look up. His smile was a lot like Akira’s, soft and engaging. He walked over and handed me a Coke which I gratefully took. I glanced up at him as he spoke again. “Ryuu, Kenta is in Jiro’s room. We had . . . some issues at one of the bars last night and he got hurt during the fight. They only just got back about thirty minutes before you guys showed up. I know it’s not an excuse for what he did, but it is a reason.”


I nodded, not really trusting my voice at the moment. I took a drink of the Coke, the rush of familiar flavors calming me somewhat. I took a deep slow breath.


“I should go apologize for hurting him.”


Daisuike chuckled and patted my shoulder. “It’s alright. He’s a tough guy but, maybe not all that tough where you are concerned.”


I looked up to see Daisuike watching me a thoughtful look on his face. He patted my shoulder once more and stepped back gesturing for me to follow him. Hesitantly, I followed Daisuike to Jiro’s room. He didn’t even bother knocking on the door, opening it for me. I almost hoped he was going to come in with me, but he shut the door behind me.


Kenta was sitting on the bed his head bowed an arm around his ribs. I stood there for several minutes, not even sure what to say. I was appalled that I’d hurt him worse than he’d already been, but he’d also scared the shit out of me. I didn’t care what else happened, if we got things worked out or not, but he was going to a clinic if I had to drag him kicking and screaming. First things first.


“Kenta I-“


“Don’t say it Ryuu.” Kenta’s voice was soft, the hurt clear in it. “I don’t deserve to have someone like you in my life. I just such a total fuck up. You need to forget that I am anything but a fucking bodyguard.”

It was like having ice cold water dumped over me. I was suddenly numb and shaking. Walking over to him I knelt in front of him, looking up so I could see his eyes. “You’ve never been just a bodyguard to me, Kenta. I am sorry I hurt you.”


He finally looked up at me and I was startled to see the raw hurt in his eyes. “What the fuck are you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being . . . you. No matter how much pain I was in, I should never have done that to you. Can you forgive me?”


I shook my head watching his eyes change slightly, the pain seeming to deepen. He started to open his mouth and I leaned forward kissing him lightly. “I already did. But there is something you can do to make it up to me.”


He raised his eyebrows at me. “What?”


“Be my boyfriend.”

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“Wh-what? Ryuu you can’t . . . you can’t be serious.” Why the fucking hell would he want me after what I’d done? I’d promised myself years ago that if I was ever lucky enough to find someone I would never treat them the way I’d seen my family treated. Yet, Ryuu and I were only hours into . . . whatever this was and I’d already hurt him.


“I am serious. Very serious.” His eyes were shimmering as he looked at me. How could anyone look that good after crying? His cheeks were flushed, his hair a mess, his eyes holding too much emotion in them. I was losing myself. Totally and completely.


“Ryuu, I-“ He kissed me again and I was shocked at the need in it. I could taste his tears, the slight saltiness mixing with the almost sweet flavor of him. How could something so simple make me feel like I was falling? A lost breathless sensation, it reminded me of when I rode my motorcycle hard and fast, leaving me high and shivering. This was so much better. So fucking much better. Before I knew it I had reached out, one hand in his hair, the other on his hip. I could care less that my ribs were screaming at me. I didn’t want to let him go.

He pulled back just enough so that we could breathe, our lips still touching. The feather light touch making my lips tingle even more. Holy hell he was a good kisser. I slid my hand through his hair, my eyes locked on his wishing desperately I knew what to do.


“Is that really what you want? You want me . . .”


“I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you.” His low husky voice sent a chill down my spine. I let out a slow breath, not sure what to say. I’d never dated anyone. I’d messed around with a few girls, but Ryuu was so-so different from any relationship I’d ever had. The thought of being able to call him my boyfriend, my lover, was something that caused a weird fluttering sensation in my stomach. I played with a stand of the silky hair, not quite able to meet his eyes. This was going to kill me.


“Really? Cause I seem to remember being laid up in the hospital the first time I met you. Had to look like shit.”


“It wasn’t your looks that made me want you Kenta, though you were incredibly hot in that hospital gown. But that’s not the point. You’d risked your life for Reiko. All I saw was someone who was brave and willing to do anything for their friends. I saw the person who was willing to help someone even if they got hurt in the process, someone who was trustworthy and kind.”


I nearly snorted at that, but looking at him I could see he believed every word of it. It made me feel sick to know I was going to prove him wrong. “I just helped her cause I was scared she’d hurt herself otherwise.”


He smiled at me. “See. You are exactly like I said.”


I tugged on the piece of hair. “Shut it. Are you trying to embarrass me or something?”


He giggled at that and reaching up took my hand out of his hair. Holding it he brought it to his lips and kissed each of my bruised knuckles, the soft touches sending tingles racing up my arm. Why was he like this with me? It was confusing as hell. He should be fucking pissed as hell at me and yelling at me, not treating me like I mattered.


“Ryuu . . .”


“I never get tired of hearing you say my name.” He leaned back up until our lips were almost touching his breath warm. “I just love listening to you talk.”


I leaned back giving him a look that I hope let him know how fucking confused I was. “You really are weird. That doesn’t say a fucking lot about me though.”


He busted out laughing and sat back patting my leg. “I guess not. Come on. We are taking you to a clinic. You can give me your answer later.”


“Um, no you aren’t. All they are going to do is tell me to wrap up, take some meds and not move around a lot. Besides I already know my answer.”


The look in his eyes nearly broke me right there. Fuck.


“Ryuu I can’t.”




Even as much as I’d tried to prepare myself for it, it still hurt like hell. I’d asked on a whim, but it was too much too soon. I could tell. Taking a deep breath I swallowed, forcing down the searing pain in my chest. I smiled and got to my feet.


“Can’t go to the clinic? Don’t be silly. I’ll pay for it.”


“Ryuu, that isn’t what I meant.”


I looked down into those deep unfathomable eyes and slowly nodded feeling the smile failing. “I understand. Got to keep work and . . . pleasure separate.” I nodded turning away before he could say anything. “You are still going to the clinic, don’t make me get Jiro.”


“You wouldn’t.”


“Don’t push me.” I glanced back at him and could see the hesitancy in his eyes. I wondered if it was about going to the clinic or something else. Opening the door I headed back down the hall. I felt heavy and listless, but did my best to put on a happy, cheerful face. At least he wasn’t mad at me. Yet. He’d probably be mad once we got to the clinic. “Jiro-”


“I’m fucking coming!”


I smiled at that even though it felt strained. I could see Sora out of the corner of my eye, watching me. “We are going to the clinic.”


Slipping my shoes on, I didn’t look up. I would probably just go home after making sure Kenta was alright. I didn’t really want to be around anyone right now. My back was starting to hurt from getting tossed on the floor earlier and a soak in the tub sounded nice. Would have been even nicer if Kenta would join me, but I’d ruined that by being to needy. Ruined everything.




“Ryuu, you are in the wrong key.”


Akira’s voice snapped me out of the daze I’d been in. I looked down at the sheet music and realized he was right. “Oh, sorry. Um . . . care if we take a break?”


“No, we haven’t had one in a while.”


I sat on my stool staring at the music, the subtle sounds of everyone leaving the studio not even really registering. Two weeks. It had been two weeks already. It felt like years. I’d seen Kenta three times since that day at Akira’s apartment. Apparently he was busy with work. Hayate had come with me on a couple of press conferences and a signing giving some excuse for Kenta each time. It felt like he was avoiding me. I felt lost without his quiet somber presence around, his gruff no nonsense demeanor. Was I really that used to having him around?


“Are you getting sick Ryuu?” Sora was standing over me. I hadn’t even noticed him.


“Oh. No. I’m fine.”


“You don’t look good. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes and you are a lot paler than usual.”


“Gee thanks.”


“I’m serious Ryuu, even your singing is off. We haven’t been able to lay a decent track in days. Maybe you should go to the doctor.”


I shook my head. “No, I think I’m just tired. I’ve not been sleeping well.”


“Nightmares again? You know you can always call me or even just come over.”


“No, that’s not it. I just . . . I don’t know.” I shrugged.


“Alright, just take care of yourself Ryuu. If you need anything you just call me. I think we need to stop for today anyway.”


They all left not too long after that. I wandered around the empty apartment. There wasn’t anything I wanted to watch on TV and trying to compose right now would be useless. I finally ended up lying on my bed staring out at the slowly darkening sky.

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I flipped open my phone, trying to juggle it and the box of paperwork Isao had given me to archive. Crazy ass pencil pusher needed to get an assistant and quit asking me to do this shit.




“Kenta? It’s Sora. Have you heard from Ryuu?”


Letting the box down I straightened, frowning. “No, not for a few days. Why?”


“He’s not answering his phone and I just tried to go check on him and he wasn’t at the apartment.”


“When did you see him last?”


“Yesterday afternoon. The doorman said he left sometime last night . . . Kenta he never came home.”


I nearly dropped the phone. “Wh-what? Ryuu doesn’t just go out, not like that. Fuck.”


“Yeah I know. It’s got me really worried. He was acting strange yesterday and honestly I think he was getting sick.”


“Ryuu is never sick.”


“Yeah I know, so he probably didn’t even realize it. Kenta, you need to find him.”


“Yeah.” I felt like someone had taken my guts and twisted them inside out. “Yeah, I’ll uh . . . I’ll call you.”


“Thanks Kenta.”


I hung up and leaned against the wall behind me. Shaking myself, I took a breath. Where would Ryuu go if he wasn’t feeling good? Shoving off the wall I headed to the front of the office. Isao was at the computer tapping away at that infernal keyboard.


“Iesada, I got a problem.”


He looked at me over the rim of his glasses. “You are a problem Arakaki. What’s wrong this time?”


“Ryuu is missing.”


“Oh shit, that is a problem. Aren’t you supposed to be his bodyguard?”


“Don’t fucking rub it in! You’ve had me here doing shit for the past two weeks.”


“You could have said something.”


“Like you’d fucking listen.”


He sighed. “You are right. I try my level best to ignore your idiocy at all times. You need help finding him?”


“Yeah.” I felt like punching the mouthy shithead but Hayate would kill me.


“Give me thirty minutes.”




It took fifteen. “One of the guys spotted him about three hours ago at a net café over on the lower south side. He’s not come out yet. Here is the address.”


“Awesome!” I snatched up the paper, thanking him on my way out. He might be a mouthy son of a bitch, but he got stuff done.




The net café was a nice one. All the cubicles looked full. Going to the little food bar I asked the girl making drinks if she’d seen Ryuu.


“Oh, how could I forget a hottie like that? Yeah. He’s in A3, but you aren’t supposed to bother-“

I turned and walked off. I had the information I needed. The door was shut, but there was no sound coming from the other side. I went to knock on it and paused suddenly feeling nervous. I hadn’t talked to him in days and hadn’t seen him for even longer. Things had been fucking awkward ever since the day at Jiro’s. He hadn’t even been calling as often as he normally did. I just figured he was pissed at me. Who wouldn’t be? I fucking thrown him across a room then turned him down when he’d asked me out. So now, I wasn’t really sure what to expect.


Sliding the door open I scrambled to catch him as he fell backward. “Fuck! Ryuu!”


Kneeling down I tried to prop him up. He was sweating like crazy, his shirt soaked and he felt entirely too hot to the touch. Glazed eyes slowly focused on me as he struggled weakly to get up.


“Oh hi.”


“Ryuu . . . fuck. You are sick. Why the hell aren’t you at home?”


“It’s lonely.”


It couldn’t possibly have hurt worse if he’d taken a dull knife and stabbed it right through me. If I’d been doing what I was supposed to, doing my fucking job, he wouldn’t be here like this, wouldn’t have been wandering around sick all night. I’d put him in danger by not being there. I was a fucking failure. Not anymore. Not fucking again. Shifting around, I scooped him up. He was lighter. Why the fuck was he lighter?


“Excuse me sir?” I looked up to see the lady from earlier looking worried. “Is there something I can help you with.”


“Yeah, call me a cab.”


She nodded, her eyes never leaving Ryuu. “Right away sir.”


I held him against me, feeling him shake every so often. Fuck. I had to get him to a clinic. Nakamara was going to have my balls. Worse than that, he was going to fire me. Setting Ryuu down, I took my jacket off and wrapped it around him before picking him up again. I gasped as there was a sudden sharp pain in my side. Shaking it off, I walked toward the front keeping a tight hold on Ryuu. The cab was just pulling up. I nodded to the girl as she held the door open for me. Ryuu was saying something, but with his face buried against my neck I couldn’t make out what it was. I was starting to sweat just from carrying him he was so hot to the touch. It was scaring me. If his fever was too high it could get dangerous.


The ride to the clinic was tense. I played with my phone, dialing Nakamara then shutting it. I finally decided to call Sora. Someone needed to know I’d found him. Sora picked up on the second ring and I could hear a video game going in the background.


“Kenta? Turn that down will you, Hasu? Did you find him? Is he alright? Where was he?”


“Um. He was at a net café. We are on our way to a clinic. He’s um-he’s really sick.”


“Which clinic?”


I told him wondering how soon I’d know if I’d lost my job or not. I hadn’t told Nakamara about having Hayate do my job. I’d just thought that giving Ryuu some space would be better. I was lying to myself. I knew I was. Fucking lying. I just couldn’t handle being around him every day. When I was around him all I could think about was . . . things I shouldn’t be thinking about. His safety was my priority. Nothing else. Reaching over I smoothed the sweat soaked hair back from his face.


“I’m sorry Ryuu.”




Light woke me. It was too bright to sleep any longer. I slowly opened my eyes almost dreading what I would see. I had heard voices several times when I’d wake just enough to have someone give me some water. After the second time that had happened, I’d realized I was very sick. It was scary. My body wouldn’t move and for a while I’d nearly panicked trying to get up. Nothing had made sense at that point. The only thing that came through clearly was Kenta’s voice. Knowing that he was there meant I didn’t have to worry. I’d actually slept after that.


I wondered if it was morning. The clock said it was two, must be afternoon. Turning my head the other way I blinked seeing Kenta half laying on the bed, one arm stretched out toward me. My heart sped up. How long had he been there? Why was he here? I slowly reached over, running my fingers through the dark strands. Now that I was awake I could remember hearing his voice the whole time since he’d first found me at the net café. I wasn’t really sure how I’d gotten there, that part was kind of a blur. I’d just known that something didn’t feel right. I’d thought that maybe going out would help. Apparently not.


He stirred slightly under my fingers and I froze. Would he be mad at me for touching him? I just didn’t know what to do anymore. He was so confusing. Taking my hand out of his hair I laid my head back turning to look out the window again. I should just give up. I wasn’t willing to lose his friendship over this. I could deal with not being closer. I would deal with it. Closing my eyes, I bit down on the urge to cry. I wasn’t going to. He’d just get on to me for it anyway.


I nearly jumped feeling warm fingers suddenly surrounding mine. I turned my head, only to smile weakly seeing Sora standing next to the bed. Kenta was still sound asleep.






“You look like shit.”


“You look like a walking mop, a dirty one.”


Sora just chuckled and shook his head, keeping his voice down. “You gave us quite a scare yesterday, Ito.”

“Sorry. I knew something didn’t feel right and thought going out would help.”


“Why didn’t you call me?”


“Because I always call you. It’s not fair to you Sora.”


“Bullshit. You could have called this idiot.” Sora glanced down at Kenta.


I shook my head. “No, he . . . just no.”


“He stayed up all night with you last night. He must have passed out just a few minutes ago. I was just in here thirty minutes ago and he was still awake.”


I shifted around to sit up, leaning against the headboard. “Well, it’s his job isn’t it?” Even I heard the bite in my voice and I suddenly felt bad.


“Yeah . . . about that. I think Nakamara is going to fire him.”


I jerked around to face Sora. “What! No! No, he can’t! I won’t allow it! I-it was my fault. I . . . was too pushy.” A dry laugh escaped me and I dropped my head, plucking at the covers. “If anything he could sue me for sexual harassment.”


“I don’t think he would do that Ryuu.” At Sora’s gentle tone I looked up. “He really does like you Ryuu. We . . . talked for a bit last night at the clinic. He’s terrified of getting fired, but he’s more scared of messing things up for you.”


I stared at Sora trying to process that information. Kenta and scared didn’t go in the same sentence. I looked back down at the dark head. It was just like Kenta to think of someone else before himself. I just wished he would let me back in. I’d been shoved back outside that barrier and it seemed higher than ever.

“I don’t know Sora.”


“Just . . . don’t give up Ryuu. If you can’t win, where will I be?”


“Jacking off to those photos you sneak when he’s not looking.”


Sora’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “If you weren’t sick I’d . . . sometimes I don’t even know why I bother.”


“Cause you love me!” I grinned at him as I shifted back down under the covers and rolled over onto my side. I was feeling sleepy again. I curled up around Kenta laying a hand on his. “Besides, it’s what I do. So I know you’d do it too.”


“Oh my god, Ryuu . . . you are just . . . never mind. Go back to sleep for a bit. I’ll bring you something to eat here after while.”


“Sora.” I waited till he’d turned back around. “Thanks and . . . I will keep trying.”

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“Get up. “ The deep rumble startled me awake but it was the fist in my hair that had me on my feet. Oh fuck! Fuck! When had Jiro got here? I had a quick glance at Ryuu asleep on the bed before I was hauled out of the room. I stumbled trying to keep my feet, my hair getting yanked in the process.


“Fuck! Let go Jiro!”


He didn’t say anything and didn’t let go either. Shit. My stomach suddenly felt like it was trying to crawl out my throat. A pissed off Jiro was the last thing I needed right now. There was a sharp stabbing pain in my side to match the searing pain in my head. He threw me down in the living room and I narrowly missed bashing my head into the coffee table. Scrambling around I got to my feet only to have him backhand me hard enough to send me right back to the floor. I stayed there. There was no rage in his eyes, just a dead calm. I was in some seriously deep shit if that was the case. I looked over realizing Hayate was standing by the front door. He had a busted lip and was trying to stop his nose from bleeding. He glanced at me then looked away. My attention snapped back to Jiro as he spoke.


“I am very disappointed in the two of you. Nakamara wants you fired Kenta. Fired and demoted.”


I flinched. It was the least I deserved.


“I should. I should demote you back down to the most junior rank and let you work your way back up. I really thought better of you Kenta. I didn’t think you would shirk your responsibilities like this. What would have happened if someone had recognized Ryuu? He could have been kidnapped . . . or killed. His parents pay us the protection money for a reason. He’s not just some ditzy singer; he’s the son of Ito Yoshiru and Kaori. The Ito name alone is worth billions of yen. He’s a target for extortionists and paparazzi. What happened last night would have made national news if he’d been recognized. You just better thank whatever god happened to be watching out for him last night that didn’t happen.”


I shrank down as he came to stand over me. I knew all this, why was he telling me again? I knew who Ryuu was. Though it was easy to forget when I was with him all the time. “Jiro I-“


“Did I give you permission to speak?” I yelped as the fist slammed into the side of my head knocking me flat. Shit but he hit hard. My ears were ringing. I couldn’t remember Jiro ever being this mad at me. He’d never hit me before. I knew it happened occasionally when the other guys fucked up, but I’d never planned on being one of them. It was getting harder to breathe, the pain radiating around from my side. I’d probably fucked up my ribs again carrying Ryuu last night. Getting hit didn’t help either.


“Hayate go get the car, we are leaving. I’ve already got Teito headed over to keep an eye on Ryuu.”


The pain was forgotten as I looked up at Jiro. I struggled to get up, using the coffee table as support. “No, I’ll stay. He . . . he needs me.”


“He needed you yesterday. No, it’s too late Kenta. You lost your chance. Get up, we are leaving.”


He didn’t give me a choice, roughly hauling me to my feet. I swayed for a second, dizzy. The side of my face was numb and throbbing, my ribs aching, but it was the sick hollow feeling eating away at me that was causing the most pain. Jiro was right. I’d lost my chance. Ryuu had been the best thing to ever happen to me and I’d treated him like shit. I’d lied to myself, to him, thinking that it would be best for both of us. Why was I so fucking stupid? Then it hit me. I was scared. Fucking scared shitless. Why would someone like Ryuu want anything to do with someone like me? But even more than that, I was scared of what would happen if it was found out. The media would rip him to shreds for dating an ex con yakuza member, never mind another guy. I couldn’t let that happen. He meant too much to me.


“No. I am staying here.”


“I don’t want you here.” I turned to see Sora standing in the hall. “I want you to leave. You’ve done enough damage.”


I shook my head, wincing. “No, I am staying. I’ll find a way to-“


“I said no.” It only took Sora two long strides to reach me and the next thing I knew I was on the floor by the couch. Holy fuck! I did not need this right now.


“Wait! Sora stop!” Hayate was trying to stop him as I used the couch to try and get back up. Maybe I should just stay on the floor. “You don’t understand.”


Hayate almost landed on me as Sora shoved him out of the way. “I understand perfectly fine. He’s happy to use Ryuu to get what he wants, just like all those posers and fakes who only want to be his friend because of who he is. I told you if you hurt him, I’d make you regret it.” I was too slow to get out of the way as Sora reached down and yanked me up. He didn’t understand. I already regretted it.


“No that’s not-fuck!” I tried to block him but I was in too much pain. He hit as hard as or harder than Jiro and he wasn’t stopping. Hayate finally managed to pry him off me. I ended up half laying on the couch. The only thing I could think was that Ryuu was going to be upset that I was getting blood on the pretty white fabric. I didn’t blame Sora for being mad at me. I was mad at myself, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. With a shaking hand I wiped the blood off my chin. I went to push myself up and felt something in my chest give. My vision went dark for a moment as agony ripped through me. I wasn’t sure if I could get up.


“Fuck! Kenta are you alright? Sora! You didn’t have to go that far!” Hayate was yelling.


“He’s the one that went too far! Making Ryuu think he was interested in him. Leading him on-“


“Enough.” Jiro voice cut through the yelling and I felt a firm hand on my upper arm. It took all myself control not to sob with pain as he pulled me up. “I think your point has been made Sora. You won’t have to worry about Kenta. He won’t be back.”


“No, Jiro, no you can’t have someone else watch him.” I tried to shake off Jiro’s hand. I was almost sick with pain, but I couldn’t let them. No one knew Ryuu like I did. Could handle his tantrums, could calm him down when he’d get upset. “Teito doesn’t understand him.”


“Oh and you do?”


I looked over at Sora and realized my right eye must be swelling shut. I couldn’t really see him. “Yes. I do. I know I fucked up, but just give me another chance.” I tilted my head so I could look up at Jiro. “Please. Please let me stay.”




Sora glared at me every time he walked into the room. Ryuu had been sleeping for the last couple of hours and it was nearing nine in the evening. Sora was still upset with me. He’d barely let me help when Ryuu had woke earlier to eat and use the bathroom. Not that I was a whole lot of help. I’d wrapped my ribs back up and taken some pain meds, but the dull ache was still there.


“Why did you even bother staying?”


I didn’t lift my head from where it was resting on my arm. What was I supposed to fucking say? Keeping my eyes on the sleeping man only a few inches from me I knew why I’d stayed. I’d sit here all night watching him again if I had to. “Sora . . . haven’t you considered what would happen if-if the media found out. About me, I mean. If we . . . were together I know it would always have to be a secret. Not just because we are both guys, but . . . I have a criminal record and not just something silly like shoplifting. I went to juvie for assault and battery when I was fourteen. I’m yakuza now. How would that look to the media. I want him to be happy, Sora and I just don’t think he would really be happy with me.”

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I’d almost turned my head to look at them, but Kenta’s statement shocked me. Was that why? Was that the real reason he’d turned me down, because he was worried how it would make me look in the media if our relationship was discovered? Didn’t he realize the media already painted me as nothing more than a silly playboy frittering his parent’s wealth away. No one was really shocked by anything I did. He’d never mentioned to me anything about a criminal record and it didn’t really surprise me. That was when it hit me. That was the most I’d ever heard Kenta talk without a single cuss word coming out of his mouth. Actually, that was probably the most I’d ever heard him talk all at once ever.


“Are you really that stupid? Maybe Isao is right about you.” I heard Sora sigh. “He’s happiest when you are around Kenta. Even if he knew about all of that, I’m sure he wouldn’t care. He’s not that shallow Kenta.”


“I know he’s not. He’s also a whole fucking lot smarter than people give him credit for.”


I almost smiled at that. I was going to have to get up. I was beginning to need the bathroom rather urgently. That and for the first time in three days I was starving. I shifted around trying to get the covers off and heard both of them exclaim.




“You’re awake?” There was a note of panic in Kenta’s voice and I knew he probably wouldn’t have divulged that much if he’d known I was awake. I was glad I had been. It made so much more sense now, why he’d been trying to keep me at bay. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested; he just didn’t want me hurt. It made me want to pull him close and kiss him till he shoved me away.


I grinned at them and sat up, glad when Sora reached down to help me. “Yeah. “ I turned to look at Kenta and gasped. “Kenta! What happened! Your face!”


He shifted back out of my reach and I could tell the movement hurt him. I looked to Sora, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. I glared at each of them. “Someone is going to tell me what happened.”


Sora glanced down at Kenta who shook his head. “That would be my fault Ryuu.”


Kenta jerked his head up to glare at Sora, but Sora ignored him. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I watched them. The two of them had got into a fight? Sora looked fine . . . Kenta looked horrible and I knew he was an excellent fighter. That meant . . .


“Your fault how, Sora?” I was afraid of the answer. The look on Sora’s face was the only answer I needed. “Fuck you Sora! Why the hell-forget it I don’t care what reason you thought you had.”


Flinging back the covers, I started to get up only to have both of them stop me. “Let go! You want me to piss all over myself?”


Sora was the one who helped me up. I shook him off. I wasn’t as dizzy today. The fever was gone and I felt better than I had in weeks. Physically and emotionally. It hurt that Sora and Kenta had fought and that Kenta had been the one to get hurt, but I now knew things I wished I’d known two weeks ago.


“Sora will you get me a change of clothes, please. I’m going to take a bath.” Sora nodded and headed for my closet. I laid my hand on Kenta’s shoulder. “I want you to join me. No, hush. It will help.” I lightly touched the side of his face. He was going to have a black eye. “The tub is plenty big enough for the both of us, and besides it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”


I thought he was going to come unglued then, his face turning bright red as he sputtered. I just laughed and walked into the bathroom to get the tub started. I really wanted the chance to talk to him, really talk about why he was so scared of this . . . of us.


I was already in the tub and was beginning to wonder if he’d blown me off when the door slowly opened. He looked so hesitant and shy. It was almost comical. I’d never seen that look on his face and decided I would love to see it more often. He came and stood beside the tub, not looking at me. Reaching out I brushed my fingers across his.


“What are you waiting for? Get in.”


He nodded slowly and started getting undressed. I laid my head on the side of the tub watching him. The way the smooth lean muscles flexed as he moved never ceased to amaze me. He was so beautifully built. I sighed as the shirt finally came off, then blinked. Too many bruises. It made my heart hurt to see them. I wondered if his ribs were bothering him again the way he was moving so slowly. It was almost torture watching him. I was already rock hard and he hadn’t even taken his pants off yet. Even bruised and beaten to hell I couldn’t help but want to touch him. Knowing now why he’d said no actually made me want him even more. I wanted to claim this amazing man as mine. Even if I couldn’t do it publically, I wanted to know I could come home and know he was there.


Finally! The pants were coming off. Well shit, did he have bruises literally every where? I couldn’t play around like I wanted to with him in such obvious pain. He tried to act like there was nothing wrong, but I could tell he was really hurting from the tightening around his eyes and the way his lips firmed as he eased himself into the tub. I was going to have to have a talk with Sora. It had been a long time since Sora had lost his temper bad enough to hit someone. I wasn’t going to think about the last time. Sora did not hit without good reason and he must have thought he had a good reason to hit Kenta. It still upset me though.


Slowly, I moved over to Kenta. He had his head back on the side of the tub, his eyes closed. I glanced up as Sora walked in; he had a bundle of clothes in one hand and an ice pack in the other. He handed me the ice pack and set the clothes on the counter. I shifted closer to Kenta, the water lapping around our chests. I was so happy my parents had bought the huge tub. Lightly touching Kenta’s arm to get his attention I carefully laid the icepack on his eye. I heard him sigh.


“Thanks Ryuu.”


“Does it still hurt?”


“Fuck yeah.”


“I want you to stay here tonight.”


There was a short silence.



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I really like your writing style! I don't think you should change everything, really :D

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I like very much the whole fanfic (but you already know that :p) My fav part was the chapter Refusal :msn_red_fox 15 , so beautiful!

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oh i just enjoy reading it so much, cant wait for more :D x

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I would never get tired to looking at Kenta. Especially when he was sleeping. All the hardness was gone replaced by a soft gentle expression I’d never seen when he was awake. Would probably never see, honestly. The man really had no idea how good looking he was. His soft full lips were just barely parted and I was dying to lean in and kiss them, but he needed to sleep. He’d waited too long to take his next dose of pain medication earlier and had barely been able to move without whimpering. It scared me. Even now just thinking about made me nauseous. If he wasn’t doing better by morning I was taking him to a clinic. He’d whined about having to go last time, but I’d rather listen to him whine than make those pained sounds he’d tried so hard not to let me hear.


It had taken me forever to convince him to lie in the bed instead of on the couch. Laying there watching him sleep I couldn’t help but think about the last time someone had slept in that spot. Reaching out I rested my fingers in the soft dark hair. Kenta was so completely different than Naoki. Granted Naoki had changed a lot in the time I’d been with him. He’d gone from fun and affectionate to controlling and abusive. The change had been so gradual it had left me doubting myself. Only Reiko and Sora’s intervention had saved me from being hurt any worse than I already had been.


Curling up, I turned my face into the pillow. I didn’t want to think about what had happened in this very room, on this bed. I inched as close to Kenta as I dared. Just being able to feel his warmth was enough to comfort me. I knew I could trust Kenta. I’d known that ever since I’d met him. Naoki would never have helped Reiko. People weaker than him were to be used. Nothing else. He’d eventually made it very clear that he considered me weak and inferior. Kenta never made me feel that way at all, but part of me was still scared that he would change too. Would sex change everything like it had with Naoki? Even as much as I loved and wanted to be with Kenta, deep down I knew I wasn’t ready. Even after almost two years I wasn’t ready. Though I really wasn’t sure things were going to go that far anytime soon anyway.


I knew Kenta wasn’t going to push anything on me. The exact opposite. Unconsciously, I licked my lips thinking of the way he’d tasted when I’d caught him in the shower. He’d come so fast I’d barely got to enjoy giving him pleasure. I desperately wanted to please him in every way possible.




“What is this?”


“Breakfast in bed.”


Deep black eyes regarded me as if I were insane. “Why?”


“Because I wanted to do something for you. I wanted to say thank you for helping me the other night when I was so sick.” His eyes immediately dropped his expression hardening and I wondered what I’d said. “Kenta-“


“I fucked up Ryuu.”


“No you didn’t! You found me and took me to a clinic-“


“Wouldn’t of had to if I’d done my job in the first place.”


I sighed and taking a finger nudged the bowl of miso toward him. “Shut up and eat. I’m tired of you whining about stupid stuff you can’t change.”


That got me a surprised look. It wasn’t that often that I got on to him, but I really was tired of it, tired of him only thinking of this, of me, as his job. I just didn’t know how to get him to see me differently. I knew he was attracted to me, that was obvious, but he was too worried about everything else. Maybe I should just lock him in my bedroom for a while. That thought brought a smile to my face and I saw him narrow his eyes at me as he blew on the soup.


“What? You’re always planning something crazy when you smile like that.”


“Mm, nothing. Just thinking about pretty princes locked in towers.”


He grunted, “Whatever. Weirdo.”


“Finish your soup, then get ready because we are leaving.”


“Eh? Why?”


“You are going back to the clinic.”




“Yes you are.”


“No I’m fucking not.”


I poked him in the side making him jump and start cussing, almost spilling the tray. “See, you are hurt. We are going to the clinic.”


“F-fuck . . .” It took him a minute to get his breath back and I felt bad, kind of. “Don’t . . . don’t do that Ryuu.”


“I won’t. Unless you say you aren’t going to the clinic again.”


“Why are you being so mean to me?”


“You are whining.”


“I am not.”


“Eat your soup.”




Getting up off the bed, I couldn’t help but smile at him. His eye was turning purple, but the swelling had gone down overnight. The other bruises were dark and only going to get darker over the next few days. It was his ribs that were worrying me. He hadn’t acted this bad last time he’d hurt them and I was worried he’d hurt himself worse this time. It was just getting the stubborn ass to admit that he was hurt in the first place. Going to the closet I pulled out a pair of pants and a button up shirt. I knew from last time that raising his arms over his head would hurt. Besides, the buttons gave me an excuse to touch him as long as possible.


“Ryuu . . . I’ll just go home.”


I turned to look at him. “Kenta. You are my bodyguard. If you are injured and unable to perform your job I’ll have to have someone else do it. Besides that, Hayate already called and said he won’t be needing you at the bar for a while. That and if you don’t go willingly Jiro said he’d come get you.”





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Why the hell do I listen to the jerk? “You fucking poke me one more fucking time and I’m going to-“




I closed my eyes at Ryuu’s warning tone and clenched my fists as the doctor continued to poke and prod on every fucking sore spot he could find.


“Well, I think we better take some x-ray’s. You seem to have reinjured the ribs that were damaged last time.”


Opening my eyes I looked over at Ryuu. “I already knew that. I don’t need-“ I stopped seeing Ryuu hold up his phone. Jiro’s number was already on the display and I had bite back what I’d been going to say. I was careful not to take too deep a breath as I glared at Ryuu. “Fine, do the fucking x-rays.”


I wished later I’d told Ryuu to fuck off. No one told me I was going to have to lay in the most painful way possible to even do the x-ray. I was ready to punch the nurse helping me by the time we got done. I was shaking, the pain making me catch my breath. “All that for them to tell me what I already fucking know.”


Ryuu handed me a coke and a couple of pills once I got out of the room. I mumbled a thank you as I took them.


“Um, don’t thank me yet.”


I jerked my head up to look at him. “What did you do?”


He looked away, “I scheduled you for a complete physical.”


“Ryuu!” I stared at him. Did he not understand how much pain I was in? “Why the fucking hell-“


“I want you to be healthy, that’s all. It’s not painful or anything. Well . . . they will have to draw blood, but you should be fine. The worst part is over.”


“Yeah, thanks a whole fucking lot.”


He looked back at me, that evil little smile on his lips. “Don’t worry I’ll make it up to you later.”


He was going to have a whole hell of a lot to make up for. I’d never been so humiliated in my life. I swore they’d checked over every inch of me and then some. Getting my blood drawn was the least of my worries.


“Ryuu . . . I’m going to kill you.” Maybe later. Right now I could barely lift my head off the seat of the limo.


He giggled and patted my leg. “Sure. Maybe after dinner if your pain meds don’t knock you out. They gave you some pretty potent stuff. But I’m happy. Your tests all came back good and even though you do have a broken rib, we’ve got plenty of medication for you.”


I looked over at him, wondering what was really going through that blond head. It had to have cost quite a bit for all those tests. I just couldn’t understand him spending that kind of money on me. I knew he spent all kinds of money on Akira, but . . . that was Akira. Akira was vital to the band. Me . . . even if I didn’t want to admit it, I was easily replaced. Almost had been too.


I was ready to smack Ryuu by the time dinner arrived. He wouldn’t quit fussing over me, constantly checking on me or getting me stuff he thought I wanted or just hovering around. “Damn it Ryuu will you just sit down. I can’t handle you doing that.”


I also couldn’t move. The muscle relaxers in addition to the pain medication were making me feel a bit loopy. He had me sitting on the couch in the living room so we could eat dinner.


“I will, just a sec. I’m getting your dinner ready. Have you ever had Italian before?”




“I’ll take that as a no.” He was grinning at me as he walked over carrying the tray. I had to admit the food smelled pretty good. “No, lay still. I’ll feed you.”


“Like hell Ry-“ He stuffed something round and squishy in my mouth. I almost spat it back out. It tasted very strongly of tomato but the other flavors weren’t bad, just different. I could tell from the look on his face that he was enjoying this entirely too much. I finished that bite and turned my head away as he went to feed me the next one.


“Okay Ryuu, I can feed myself.”


“No you can’t. You don’t know how to use a fork.”


“A what?”


“Exactly. So I am going to feed you. Besides, it took me forever to get the blood out of the fabric and tomato sauce is just as bad.”


I glared at him as he smiled sweetly at me, waiting for me to take the next bite. “You planned this.”


“And people say you are stupid.” He was fucking laughing at me. Jerk.


“Fuck you.”


“We’ll get to that later.”


I accidentally inhaled the next bite and Ryuu nearly freaked out on me. Coughing with broken ribs fucking hurts like a fucking son of a bitch even as doped up as I was.


Once dinner was over with Ryuu helped me into the bed room. “My legs are fine Ryuu, I can walk.”


“No, you should see yourself. Your eyes keep crossing. I think you are tired.”


“Not really, but I do feel a bit weird.”


“And that is why I’m helping you to bed silly.”


“Oh, okay.” Somewhere in my head I knew I wasn’t making a lot of sense. Maybe it was a good thing that Ryuu was there to help me. I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as Ryuu found me a pair of sweats. He normally didn’t wear anything to bed, but he’d said he would at least wear his boxers. Stupid silk boxers. I realized I was still staring at them as Ryuu walked up to me. He leaned down reaching for me and I tried to lean back.


“What are you doing?”


“I’m getting you undressed. You aren’t wearing that to bed.”


I shoved at his hands. “I can get myself undressed you weirdo.”


I was surprised when he easily moved my hands away. What the fuck? There was no way I was taking any more of those muscle relaxers if this was what happened. He was already undoing the buttons on my shirt and taking his damn time about it too.


“Ryuu just let me-“ The next thing I knew I was laying back on the bed. Ryuu was hovering over me, the only thing touching me were his lips. Holy fuck, why was he such a good kisser? Muscle relaxers apparently have no affect on keeping you from getting a hard on when a fucking hot guy kisses you.


He pulled back slightly so we could look at each other. “Let you what?”


“Do it myself.”


“Oh?” His fingers were hot as they ran over my stomach and continued to my pants. “We’ll see what you get to do yourself.”


He took his goddamn time undoing my pants. He had to know what he was doing to me. Looking up into those eyes I could tell he knew exactly what he was doing. I probably wouldn’t have stopped him even if I could have. I kept thinking about the shower and that amazing mouth, though part of me didn’t want to be just laying back doing nothing either. Didn’t have much choice right now, as frustrating as that was. Just like with dinner, he wasn’t letting me do anything.


“Just lay still. You are going to hurt yourself.”


“Already hurt.”


“Hurt yourself worse then, stop moving.” He smacked my leg as he tried to get my jeans down past my knees.


“Ryuu . . . what are you doing?”


He just grinned at me and tossed the pants to the side. Crawling back up on the bed he knelt over me.

“Whatever I want just like I always do.”


“You are such a brat.”


He giggled and leaned down to kiss me again. “I know. But you love me anyway. You look so cute, all relaxed and cross eyed.”


I blinked a few times. “I am not cross eyed.”


“Maybe I should call the doctor and see if that is a side effect or something. Though it sure is cute, especially when I do this.” He leaned in close his nose touching mine.


“Now you are cross eyed too.” I couldn’t help but smile at him as he sat back laughing. How many people would kill to be where I was right then? I didn’t want to think about it. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.


I bit my lip as those warm fingers slid across my skin again. What was he . . . oh . . . that was what he was doing. I shivered, tingles racing over my skin as he wrapped his fingers around me and gave one slow stroke after another.


“Ry-Ryuu . . . “


He leaned back over me, concern in the light colored eyes. “You aren’t hurting are you? I’ll stop if you are.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t even sure what I’d been going to say. All of my muscles seemed to be tensing up the longer he stroked me. I tried to force myself to relax but that didn’t work for very long. He was looking down at me with those soft grey eyes, a small smile on those beautiful lips. I wanted to kiss him damn it. I wanted to do a whole fucking lot more than just kiss him too. I managed to grab his arm and pull him down toward me. He got the hint pretty quick.

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kawaii ^_^

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I love it!!! :hamtaro-005 (8): You are very talented! Keep on my dear!

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I was beginning to wonder how long it had been since Kenta had been with anyone. He barely lasted two minutes, not near enough time for me to really start enjoying myself. I’d been hoping that with the all the medication he could have gone longer, but apparently not. I gave him a kiss before getting up enjoying the way he responded. My hand was all sticky now and I needed to clean him up too. By the time I got back from the bathroom with a wet cloth he was sound asleep. Well, that had been part of the plan too. At least he was laying in the bed and I didn’t have to try and move him.


After cleaning him up, I carefully moved his legs so that he wasn’t hanging over the side of the bed anymore. Pulling back the covers was a bit more of a challenge. Making sure that there was a bottle of water and his next dose of medication on the night stand I slipped off the boxers and crawled into bed. If he thought I was going to sleep in them he needed to think again. I hadn’t even worn clothes when Reiko had stayed over. I definitely was not going to start now, besides that I walked around nude all the time. It was my house, why not? Snuggling up to him I couldn’t help but run my fingers over the soft planes of his chest and stomach. He was so defined and sleek, in fact our body types were very similar. I’d peeked at his chart at the clinic and had been pleasantly surprised that we were within four pounds of being the same weight. Naoki had outweighed me by a good fifty pounds and had used it too.


I shook my head. Why the hell would I think about him when I had this gorgeous man lying beside me? I sighed, smiling to myself. Even if he was hurt and in a bad mood I still liked being around him. Just being close to him made me happy.








“Can we go out for dinner tonight?” I looked over at him from where I was laying on my stomach on the couch. He was in the kitchen getting us drinks. We’d been watching movies since he couldn’t really do much else. Though he was starting to get really irritated when I tried to do anything for him. I guess a week of being waited on hand a foot was enough for him. It was cute that it made him uncomfortable, made me want to do it more. “Maybe a movie too. It’ll be a date!”




I rolled my eyes and turned over so I could look at him. “Why not?”


“Call Sora if you want to go out.”


“He’s helping his grandpa.”


“Then call Akira.”


“He’s with Reiko.”




“I was wanting to do something with someone my age.”


“He’s not that much younger.” Kenta handed me my drink.


“He’s sixteen Kenta, he’s a little kid.”


“Oh and you are soo fucking much older.”


I gave him a look. “Mouth.”


“Fu- . . . shi- . . . Ryuu! What the hell! I can’t believe I agreed to this.”


“You didn’t, remember. My house my rules.”




“Pay me.” I grinned at him. It was one of my best ideas ever. I got Kenta to quit cussing every other word or he had to kiss me every time he slipped up. Grumbling under his breath he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. I wasn’t going to make him do it anywhere else but here at the apartment, but hopefully he would start to learn better ways to express himself. “Now about tonight. I was thinking we could go see that new science fiction movie.”


“Oh! The one about the space ninja?”


“Um, yeah kind of, he’s an assassin who has special mental powers.”


“Yeah I remember seeing the preview. The special effects looked pretty good.”


“So what do you say to dinner and a movie? You’ve been stuck in the house all week. I thought you’d be more than ready to get out.”


He glanced over at me and I felt my heart skip a beat at the sultry look. “I like being here.”


My breath seemed to catch in my throat for a moment. He really did like being here, with me? I started to lean toward him, not even realizing I was doing so, but he was still talking.


“Your place is a lot bigger than mine. I would have had to fight someone for the bathroom every morning and trying to get laundry done is a bitch anyway. Shit.” I couldn’t help busting out laughing at the look on his face when he realized he’d messed up twice in a row. “You and your stupid rules!”


“You like it and you know it.”






The movie actually turned out to be a lot better than I thought it was going to be. Instead of just a typical action flick there was a bit of a message to it and the ending could be taken a few different ways. I kept Ryuu close beside me as we left the theater. Even though he was wearing a hat and large coat, I didn’t want to risk someone recognizing him.


“Where to now?”


“Dinner sounds good. What do you feel like?” That smile really could be trouble. A whole fucking lot of trouble-I caught myself and realized he had me censoring myself even in my own thoughts. Bastard. I should be able to talk however I wanted. Though he said I was too smart and could find other ways to express myself. No one had ever accused me of being smart. Lazy, stupid, mean, violent, but not smart. It kind of made me wonder if he was just saying it to get on my good side.


I thought for a moment. I knew Ryuu liked foreign food, but I was kind of needing something familiar after staying with him all week. “Okonomiyaki sounds good.”


“Oh! I haven’t had that in ages! That does sound good. I know a really good place we can go.” He was already dragging me outside.


Dinner turned into a three hour event. He was concentrating so hard as he slid the spatula’s under the batter to try and flip the cakes over without them falling apart. For the third time in a row food splattered everywhere.


“Shit Ryuu.”


“I know! I know! I haven’t done this in so long!” I could tell he was getting frustrated. Getting up, I stood just behind him and taking his hand with the spatula in it slid it under the remaining cake and with a quick twist of his wrist flipped it over.


“Ah! I did it!” He leaned back into me, his eyes sliding up to meet mine. “Thank you.”


Nodding I sat back down across from him. “Tired of seeing food get wasted.”


He actually blushed at that. Holy hell. I had never once seen Ryuu blush. For any reason. Nothing ever seemed to embarrass the man. Hell he walked around naked in front of everyone like it was the most natural thing in the world. He kissed complete strangers and laughed about it. So why had my comment embarrassed him?


“Sorry.” His cheeks were still pink, his eyes on the food as it cooked. God it made me want to kiss him and see what else I could do to make him blush like that.


I cleared my throat trying to get my mind on other things. “Its fine. Just takes practice. We’ll take the other’s home. Hasu will eat them no matter how bad they look.”


That got a laugh out of him. “He doesn’t like ketchup though.”


“Mayonnaise. He eats it straight out of the jar.”


“Ew. Is that where it all goes?”


“Yeah, caught him doing it the last time he was over.”


“That is so gross! I’ll make sure to get extra then.”


“You mean I’ll make sure to get extra.”


“Well, I’ll put it on the list for you when you get ready to go shopping.” He grinned at me. “There are a few other things I think I might have you get too. Oh this is good! The squid is excellent with it.”



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Holy fucking hell, he had to be kidding. I stood in the aisle at the market staring at the list in my hand. Ryuu hadn’t been joking about sending me shopping last night. My basket was nearly full and I’d gotten to the bottom of the list only to find this.




He wanted me to buy condoms. And not just the regular latex, no he wanted the expensive ultra thin sheepskin ones. Was he teasing me? Trying not to sigh too loudly I got the ones he wanted and headed to go check out. The clerk didn’t even bat an eye as she rang up my items even though I was sure my face was red. Next time Ryuu could buy his own goddamn condoms.


Letting myself into the apartment I could hear music playing. They must be practicing and left the studio door open again. That meant everyone was probably over including Reiko. Going to the kitchen I started putting everything away. Sneaking back to the bedroom I hid the condoms in the drawer of the nightstand. I’d give them to Ryuu later. Going back out to the kitchen I decided to order dinner. I knew Hasu was going to be hungry.


I was half asleep on the couch with the TV on when I heard them finally stop for the night. I was too tired to get up. The food would all have to be reheated, but I’d let them get their own. I blinked a few times feeling someone standing over me. I looked up to see Sora looking down at me. He shifted his weight glancing back over his shoulder.


“Listen . . . I wanted to apologize for the other day.”


“You already did.”


“I know but . . . I don’t usually lose my temper like that and I’m really sorry.”


“No, I deserved it Sora. Someone needed to knock some fucking sense into me.” I cringed after I said it and glanced around to make sure Ryuu wasn’t close enough to hear me.


“Well, I won’t argue with that.” Sora grinned at me. “Thanks for getting dinner for us.”


“No problem.”


As soon as the door shut behind Sora and Hasu, Ryuu tackled me.


“What the fuck! Ryuu!”


He was giggling. “Did you get it?”




“Where are they?”


“Bedroom.” Where else would you need condoms?


He jumped up and practically bounced down the hallway. What the fuck was up with him? I laid back down on the couch closing my eyes. I could hear him rummaging around, drawers opening and shutting.


“Where are they Kenta?”


“Why? Not like you need them.”


“Where are they!”




He came back with the box and a grin that rose the hairs on the back of my neck. He dropped the box in my lap. “Here. They are for you.”


I stared up at him. “What?”


“They are for you.”


I think my brain kind of shut down at that point cause he sure as hell was not making any sense. “Ryuu, you can’t be serious.”


He sat on the edge of the couch next to me, looking down at me. “I am serious.”


I blinked as he reached down and ran his fingers through my hair. His eyes looked more blue than grey for some reason and seemed to stare right through me. “I want to be with you Kenta.”


“B-but Ryuu . . . I’m hurt and-“


He laid a finger across my lips. “I didn’t say it had to be tonight, Kenta. I know that’s asking too much right now. Besides . . . have you ever been with a guy before?”


I blinked a couple of times, honestly caught off guard by the question. “Um . . . no.”


“I didn’t think so.” He grinned at me and leaned down to kiss me. Those amazing lips making me lose any grip I’d had on reality. Just when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to control myself any longer, broken ribs or not, he pulled away. “Can I ask you a question.”


“Um . . . yeah.” My lips were tingling like crazy and I really didn’t want to be talking. There were much better things to do with those perfect lips of his.


“Do you want me?”


I finally tore my eyes from his lips and looked at him. There was a sadness deep in his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before.


“What the fuck kind of question is that?” He flinched and I realized he’d taken it badly. I grabbed his arm before he could get up. “Why would you ask me that?”




I couldn’t meet his eyes. The feel of his fingers on my arm was both comforting and disturbing. I knew I was pushing things, pushing myself. I just wasn’t sure. I was never sure when it came to Kenta, except how I felt about him. I finally shrugged, not even sure what to say. I let out a small yelp as he suddenly pulled me down kissing me hard. A soft whine slipped free as he slid one hand into my hair the other coming to rest on my hip. The kiss was taking my breath away. All the urgency and need sending my pulse racing.


I heard the box of condoms hit the floor as he shifted us and smiled to myself. I’d gambled big time putting those on the list and was shocked he’d bought them. I gasped as his lips found my neck making me writhe, tingling sensations shooting down my spine.


“Oh god . . . Kenta.” I was trying not to move too much, afraid of hurting him, but the way his lips and tongue were attacking my neck it was hard to stay still.


“You asked . . .” His lips were so warm and soft against my skin and I felt like I was melting, my body dissolving. “I’ve never been with a guy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what to do to make you feel good Ryuu.”


That statement didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but thinking was becoming increasingly difficult. His hands were now under my shirt and I realized with a start that he was undressing me. The shirt was tossed off to the side and he grinned at me.


“I’d have though you could tell how much I wanted you.”


I blinked at him for a moment before I realized that the hardness pressed into my stomach was his erection. I couldn’t hold back the grin and got an answering one. He was already this hard after just a few minutes of kissing. It made me shiver in anticipation.


“Want to move this to the bedroom?” I put every ounce of seductiveness I could manage into my voice and watched as those dark eyes got impossibly darker. I wiggled my hips and got a gasp. Now that was nice.


“You got to get off me first, Ryuu.”


I laughed and pushed myself up, helping him up as well. Getting into the bedroom proved to be a rather drawn out process as we took our time getting each other undressed, I was giddy with excitement as we finally ended up on the bed.


“Fuck! Why are you so hot?” I shivered as Kenta’s hands slid across my skin. They were slightly calloused and the sensation was amazing. I couldn’t get enough of it.


“You are making me very hot.” I gasped as his hand dipped between my legs, his fingers wrapping around me. His slow even strokes were nearly infuriating. I wanted so much more. “Kenta! Please . . . “


His soft laugh was all I got. I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me the dark eyes sparkling mischievously. “You really are a handful.”


I groaned, “Don’t tease me. Just go faster.”


There was another deep chuckle and suddenly there was a very hot mouth surrounding me. I moaned. It was better than any fantasy by about a hundred times over. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he knew how to make me feel good. Kenta-my beautiful Kenta was doing this, giving me this kind of pleasure. That thought alone was enough to send me crashing into oblivion.

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(A/N) This chapter is rated M for violence and noncon.




“I said I was sorry.” I didn’t know what else to do. Naoki had me backed against the bedroom wall. I flinched yelping, as his hand slammed into the wall next to my head. He’d already hit me twice and I was terrified he was going to continue to hit me unless I got him calmed down.


“You are sorry? That’s all you can say! Sorry! You are such a fucking waste of my time.” A whimper escaped as he grabbed me by the hair dragging me over to the bed. “You wouldn’t even have a band if it wasn’t for me. You can’t sing, you can barely play guitar and you think you deserve to be the center of attention just because of who you are. Don’t fucking kid yourself. If your family didn’t have money you would be nothing but a cheap slut. You are a cheap slut and I’m going to fuck you like the slut you are.”


I landed on my back and was instantly hit, the blow leaving me reeling. I struggled to move, to stop him, but he just hit me repeatedly until I quit fighting him. I could taste blood and feel it running down the back of my throat, gagging me. He was ripping my clothes off and I couldn’t do anything but lay there sobbing.


“Na-Naoki pl-please stop.”


“Shut up!” I cried out as he wrenched my arm forcing me to turn over. I tried to push myself up off the bed, to get away from him. A hand between my shoulder blades forced me back down and held me there even as I thrashed. He was too heavy for me to move him. The large hand moved from my back to my hair, his grip tight enough to bring new tears to my eyes. I felt him lean down over me, his breath hot on my cheek. He pulled my hips back until I was bent over the side of the bed, my legs pinned.


“I want to hear just how sorry you are.”


I screamed as he shoved forward, completely penetrating me with one violent jerk, the abrupt stabbing pain almost too much for me to take. Why was he doing this? Cruel fingers tightened in my hair dragging my head up.


“Say it, say how sorry you are.”


“I-I’m so-sorry.” I could barely breathe for the sobs. I couldn’t stop the scream as he pulled back only to slam forward again.





I bolted up in the bed, the scream still echoing around me. My heart was hammering so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. Ryuu was flailing beside me, the soft cries scaring the shit out of me. A nightmare? Tossing back the covers I flipped on the light and grabbed him, almost getting hit in the face. He was crying, tears streaming down his face, but his eyes were still closed.


“Ryuu! Ryuu! Wake up!” I shook him slightly feeling him stiffen his eyelids fluttering. There was no recognition in them as he stared at me and for a moment I was afraid he was going to completely freak out on me. I’d never seen that kind of raw fear in his eyes and it made me feel completely helpless.


“Ito!” He blinked at me and suddenly started sobbing. Fuck! What was wrong with him? I pulled him close trying my best to comfort him. “Hey, hey I’m here. It’s alright. You are okay.”


He was shaking, the sobs making his whole body shudder. It took several minutes but I finally got him calmed down. He wouldn’t look at me as I gently wiped the tears off his face.


“Ryuu . . . what’s wrong?”


He just shook his head and buried himself against me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I ran my fingers through the messy hair trying to calm him as much as myself. I held him like that until I realized he’d fallen back asleep. Carefully laying him back down I watched him sleep. What the hell kind of dream had he been having? Whatever it was it had scared the shit out of him. Reaching over I shut off the light and lay back down. I’d call Sora in the morning and see if he knew anything.




“I’m sorry Kenta, but if he hasn’t said anything I really don’t feel comfortable being the one to tell you.” Sora and I were in the kitchen. He had come over after I’d called him that morning and was helping me make Ryuu breakfast. Ryuu was still in bed where I’d left him a bit ago. “He’s had nightmares like this for a while now. He usually calls me and I come over and make him breakfast. It seems to calm him down. Just don’t expect him to be his usual self today. When they are this bad he can get really depressed.”


I nodded as I set the food out on the plate. “He scared the shit out of me. But he wouldn’t tell me anything.”


“Just give it some time. Um . . .” He turned to look at me. “Honestly Kenta, you are the first relationship he’s had in a while. His crush on Akira was just that and he knew it.”




“Don’t let it get to you Kenta. Ryuu knew Akira was never going to return his feelings. He felt safe liking Akira and Akira let him be himself.”


“How do you know all this?”


“I’ve known Ryuu since high school and . . . we’ve been through a lot together. A whole lot.” Sora’s voice dropped and I looked over hearing him sigh. “Just . . . treat him good Kenta. He’s had people in his past that didn’t treat him like they should have.”


I nodded. I didn’t understand how anyone could want to hurt him. Sure I smacked him from time to time, but that was different. I never did it to hurt him. Sometimes he just needed to calm down and it was the best way to get his attention. Kind of like a kid. But I’d never hit him out of anger or to hurt him and I never would. Picking up the tray, I headed into the bedroom, Sora’s soft footsteps just behind me.


Ryuu was still curled up in the bed, his eyes red and glassy. Fuck. How could he look sexy even like that? Shit, what the hell was I thinking? Ryuu needed comfort not a horny idiot.


“Hey, Sora and I made you breakfast.” I kept my voice low and soft and was rewarded with a ghost of a smile.


“Thanks.” His voice was a bit rough and I wondered if I should call Akira and Hasu and cancel practice. I glanced back at Sora but he was looking at Ryuu.


“Ryuu, maybe we should cancel practice for today.”


“No! No . . . I need-I need to . . . it helps.”


Setting the tray down on the nightstand I sat on the bed. “Why don’t you eat breakfast and get ready to go. I’ll take you to Sannomiya so you can go shopping.”


He looked up at me and I had no idea how to read the expression on his face. It was like looking at one of those homeless kids when I’d show up with food and money, they expected it to get snatched right back.


“Are . . . are you sure? You hate shopping.”


“Yeah I’m fucking sure. I’ll even go get Tatsuya for you.”


His smile wasn’t quite as bright as normal but it was getting there. He nodded and started eating. I got up and went to go find him some clothes. I didn’t want him wearing anything too flashy, though that might be a challenge looking at his clothes. He dressed like he was going to a photo shoot every day. Even his pajama pants were name brand.


By the time I found something suitable that I thought he would actually wear he was done with breakfast and in the shower. Sora smiled at me as he gathered up the tray.


“Good thinking Kenta. I’ll call you later this afternoon. If you can, keep him out as long as possible. We can skip practice for today.”

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To say I was shocked would have been a gross understatement. Not only had Kenta suggested we go shopping, he hadn’t complained once so far. If having nightmares meant I got pampered like this, it was a bit easier to take. I’d still just rather not have them. I’d been disappointed that Tatsuya couldn’t make it, but we’d made plans to go out later that week. It was going to be a double date. I got excited just thinking about being on an actual date with Kenta.


“So, do you like the jeans?”




I sighed, he said yes to everything. Well almost everything. He’d said no to going into the adult novelty store and to trying on anything I wanted to get for him and no to joining me in the changing room. I’d still bought stuff for him though. We were close enough in size that I could get him the same size without having to worry whether or not it would fit. I’d found him a couple of shirts and a pair of jeans I was dying to see him in.

I set my bags down in the seat next to me. We’d found a little café to have lunch in and he’d gotten us a table off to the side. He looked down at me and I was struck all over again by how gorgeous he was, the dark eyes soft as they looked into mine.


“What do you want? I’ll go order for us.”


I told him and watched him walk to the counter. After last night and this morning I had an all new kind of respect and appreciation for him. His reaction proved that I’d found someone who actually cared for me. He’d not once told me I was stupid or that I shouldn’t be so freaked out by a silly nightmare. I looked around the café. It was a small one, with cute décor. Tatsuya would have liked it. I noticed a couple of girls pointing at Kenta and giggling. I couldn’t help but smile. They were just shit out of luck. The man was mine and I would fight to keep it that way too. I couldn’t help but smirk as they watched him walk back to our table.


“Thanks Arakaki-san.” I winked at him and got a glare in return.


“Just eat and quit looking at those girls.”


I raised an eyebrow at him. So he’d noticed. “What? They are cute, fawning all over you. The one was pointing at your butt. I have to agree with her, you have a very nice ass.”


“Shut up Ryuu.”


I grinned at him and took a bite of my sandwich. “Ryuu.” I looked up at him. “Are you going to tell me what happened last night?”


I suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. Blinking a couple of times I set my sandwich down. “I had a nightmare.”


“Yeah . . . kind of fucking got that part. That was no normal nightmare.”


“No . . . no it wasn’t.” Mostly because it had actually happened.


“Ryuu . . .” I finally looked up at him trying my hardest not to let my emotions overwhelm me. “Ryuu, you can tell me.”


I shook my head and looked back down. I could barely speak for the lump in my throat. “No . . . I can’t.”


I bolted for the bathroom feeling like I was going to be sick. Almost two years and it still felt like yesterday. I still remembered everything he’d said to me, the way he’d beat me until I was nearly unconscious, how terrified I’d been afterward when I wouldn’t stop bleeding. I gagged, leaning over the sink. I knew what had triggered the nightmare and it frustrated me. I wanted to be with Kenta but even now it felt like Naoki was trying to control me. Maybe I needed to start taking my pills again. Just so I could sleep through the night. I jumped whipping around as I felt a hand on my shoulder.


“Easy Ryuu, it’s just me.” The look of concern on Kenta’s face sent a stab of pain through me. I was worrying him, but there was no way I could tell him, not yet. A soft sob worked its way up and I pulled him close burying my face against his shirt.


“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”




Wrapping my arms around him I backed us up slightly so I could block the door to the bathroom. I didn’t want anyone coming in and seeing Ryuu like this. He wasn’t sobbing like he had been that morning, but it still hurt me to hear him crying.


“Easy, Ryuu. Nothing to apologize for.” I ran my hand down his back feeling the tremble. “Maybe we should go home. We can have everyone come over and we’ll gang up on Sora on that one video game.”


That got a soft laugh and he nuzzled closer to me his arms slipping around my waist. “Why are you so nice to me Kenta?”


I frowned at that question. Using my free hand I grabbed his chin and pulled his head up. I stared into those bottomless grey eyes. Things were starting to click into place. “Why wouldn’t I be Ryuu? Why don’t you clean up and I’m going to go make sure no one walked off with our stuff.”




He was out sooner than I thought he would be, the bright confident smile firmly in place. It hurt me to think that it hid so much pain. Maybe soon he would feel comfortable enough to tell me what the nightmares were about. Until then I would be there to do whatever I could to help him.








“Will you stay tonight?”


I looked over at him. We’d just finished cleaning up after everyone had left. Even with three of them ganging up on Sora they hadn’t managed to beat him. I didn’t even try. Video games were like school, pointless and a waste of time.


“You want me to?” He nodded. After last night I didn’t really want to leave him by himself and I knew how much it bothered him to be alone. “Yeah sure, I’ll stay.”


He came over and gave me a hug and a soft lingering kiss. “Thank you.”


I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me so that I could feel every inch of that amazing body against mine. I kissed his neck, smiling at the soft gasp. His neck was so sensitive and I loved the way I could make him go crazy.


“Let’s go to bed.”


“No argument there.”


He was giggling as I helped him get undressed. I couldn’t help but want to touch him all over. I desperately wanted him to forget what ever had made him so upset this morning.


“Just a little anxious aren’t you, Kenta-kun?” He pulled me down on the bed with him. I grunted as there was a twinge in my ribs. I was going to have to be careful what I did, they still weren’t fully healed. I pushed myself up so that I wasn’t laying directly on him.


“Oh you think so?”


“I can feel you through your pants.”


“Really?” His hand slid down my chest and with a flick of his wrist he’d unbuttoned my pants. I hissed softly as he pulled my hardening cock out of my boxers.


“Mm this is better.” He grinned up at me, then suddenly the grin faded. “You are in pain. We should stop.”


“No. No. I’m fine.” I wanted to whine as he let go of me and shifted back so he could sit up. He smacked my shoulder giving me a hard look.


“You are not, I can tell. Don’t be stupid. It’s not worth it if you get hurt.”


“Come on Ryuu.”


“No, now lay down while I go get your medicine.”


“Fuck. Why are you teasing me?”


“I’m not teasing and you owe me.”


Keeping my mouth shut I finished undressing and crawled into bed. I hated that he was right. I was in more pain than I wanted to admit. Damn him. I’d been looking forward to a bit of fun before bed. I knew that look though. There was no arguing with him now. Either way it was nice just to be near him and I wasn’t going to complain. I’d get a chance in the morning and there was all day tomorrow too. I grinned just thinking about it and settled deeper into the bed. It gave me a very content feeling to be here with Ryuu. One I hadn’t felt in years.


I looked up as he came back in a water bottle in one hand and my pills in the other. I took both from him and watched him as he climbed into the bed next to me. Part of me was still shocked that I was here, sharing a bed with him. I didn’t deserve him, but hell if I was going to let him go. Setting the water bottle to the side I shut the light off and tackled him to the bed kissing him. He could be mad at me later.

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