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死の絶望 [Salvation]

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[color=#FFFFFF][font=palatino linotype][color=#ff3333][u]Summary:[/u][/color] This is the second part of Shi no Zetsubou, 50 Shades of Despair.
Shirahane Gin takes on a journey in order to find Kou. 
But will he, or it is already too late?

[b]Previous part:[/b] [url="http://www.yaoiotaku.com/forums/threads/22634-%5Bre-release-of-50sod%5D"]link.[/url]
[color=#ff3333][b]Status: [/b][/color]On-going

[i]Chapters: [/i][/font][/color][font=palatino linotype]
[/font][font=palatino linotype][size=1]* [url="http://www.yaoiotaku.com/forums/threads/38764-%5Bsalvation%5D#post951292"]Slumber[/url]
* [url="http://www.yaoiotaku.com/forums/threads/38764-%5Bsalvation%5D#post951570"]The Library[/url][/size][/font]







I loved, and I lost. Probably that's how mortals are, all of them – all of us. Somewhat I began to understand that we, regardless of race and species, we always find ourselves on that boundary – where the line of 'All you have' and 'All I want' is clearly drawn. But what I cannot grasp is, why that line could never cross in between? Why all I want can never be all I have?


Most of us misunderstand many things. I wonder if my desires and needs are just another misunderstanding. Albeit, I came to realize that the most greatest misunderstanding we are not aware of , is 'the misunderstanding of oneself'.


I wish..I understood myself sooner...

A loud thud resounded in a cold, dark room; a room that had nothing special for the remark, one could say – pretty ruined and dusty. The ceiling has been cracked, clearly tortured by water during the rainy season. As for the walls, they could barely hold the weight of the bricks and wooden blocks. Even so the room was still a room, no matter how torn and cracked it was.


Shirahane's body crawled against the dusty floor, his pants being torn whenever a crooked nail standing above the floor tangled in the pants' fabric. His lips met a few times the dust, particles getting into his airway resulted a few rhythmic coughs. His chest could barely catch up with the painful inhales.


Different images were coming and going, he couldn't keep up with such an amount of information. In between secrets, knowledge, curses, spells, truths and lies, his mind somewhat picked on a memory he was never aware of.


[ - Why are you crying, Shirahane Gin? ] - the voice in his head resounded a dozen of times, it beckoned his attention despite all the flood happening inside his mortal's head.


[ - I am sorry. ..Just..] - Gin's eyes started to hurt but swore he, that was his own voice in a memory he never saw before.


[ - Just? ]

[ - Just, why are you here?]

[ - I am here to take the pain away. ]


The sentence alone made him aware of the agony embracing his slender body, the male rolled abruptly and harshly on his back, his coughing preventing him from talking to himself, “What am I..?”


[ - Are you sick?!] - his own voice jolted the bits of energy left in his body to keep him awake, why he was screaming again?

[ - Yes, I am sick. People like you make me sick, disturbing the natural flow.]


Shirahane's hand traveled down to his chest, squeezing just right where his heart felt like bursting, bursting in stillness.


[ - I am sorry. ...Somewhere between the layers of difference, I lost myself. ] - Gin's eyes felt like burning, his body was demanding of him to close them. Yet again, could he still make it to the last dot of this memory?


[ - Why do you exist, Death? ]

[ - Life. Life is my purpose.]

[ - Life?] - Shirahane's head felt like bursting, the only thing keeping him away from blacking out was the need to know, to know what that memory meant.


[ - Tell me, do you believe in Fate?]

[ - No, why should I believe in something that never returns the favor?]

[ - Do you believe in God?]

[ - Isn't it partly the same as Fate..?] - Gin's green eyes opened, his gaze losing itself into the height of that ruined by time ceiling, through the cracks he could see the stars yet again it felt as he could never see the sky.


[ - Then, do you believe in me, Shirahane Gin?]

[ - In you?]

[ - Yes, in me. Death.]

[ - I guess. After all, we all die, don't we?]

[ - Very well. Then I will return the favor.] - the last words echoed in his slipping away conscious. Gin's clenched hand relaxed and head nodded slightly to side. It was impossible to keep feeling the agony of becoming what the world feared the most.


The room became quiet again, as if no one disturbed the time's judgment, as if no one would stop the time from ruining it further, as if no one would rebuild and fix what had to be fixed. No star could pledge, no wind could embrace – a body just in the middle of an old room, Shirahane Gin's slumber came to be.


From the far yet near, steps tapped upwards the stairs. Calm and harmonized, whoever walked the staircase seemed to be like a skilled companion of silence. Once the steps made it to the room where Gin's body laid unconscious, a heavy sigh resounded.


- … - quiet to what was before, the figure moved closer to Shirahane taking a crouching pose. Once hands came down, a glove was dropped near the body followed by another glove.


Then soon after they were adjusted on Gin's hands yet the figure never spoke, more like, no words could be said. When things were more than obvious and clear, words somewhat looked as these fake decorations rich people liked to bid on. Fake and meaningless.


Long hair caressed Gin's cheeks when the person lowered more to adjust position for a lift, soon the body fitted in strong arms - Samael's arms. The angel of Death walked out the room with Shirahane in arms, his silver eyes looked deeper and darker than the night sky outside. What he always wanted to avoid was to carry another body, to see another soul torture, to teach cruelty and truth.


The male disappeared into these dark corners, leaving the room as crumbled as before, leaving it be a room a bit more.



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A flowing sound of running water was the only thing that accompanied the lonely steps of Samael down the paths of a dark tunnel. The body in his strong hold moved not, but ever so weakly breathed.


The underground river ran far, far into the distance, one would say it'd be impossible to follow its end. Despite the dark tunnel, which would explain why the water there would be no different than running water in the city's canalization, the river looked clear and filled with oxygen. Now and then one could capture the glimpse of blue orbits that faded in and out just like a match stick being lit and then going off in the dark.


Samael finally paused his long walk in front of a gigantic, goth-styled gates. But these gates were not any other gates, they could lead you to each part of this universe – name it, and you'd be there.


His silver eyes averted to side, the flow of the underground river suddenly changed. A ghost-like boat appeared in between the fog created as a veil on its arrival. On that boat barely a figure could be distinguished but even so it looked as someone controlled its course, and that someone they called - “the Kharon”. The beautiful boat passed by quietly, as if scared to bother anyone who wasn't part of its purpose – to transport souls through the river known as Styx.


The angel of Death nodded his chin ever so lightly as a greeting to the Kharon, and so did the Kharon greet Samael. Still and calm, the fog disappeared and it was as if that boat never crossed these waters.


A bare hand came forth, Samael placed it against the gates. A few seconds later quick and black letters spread all over the gates like little ants rushing and bumping but never touching his hand. Once the letters took an understanding of where that soul wanted to go, a neatly written message appeared before the gates would spread open, “The Library”.


That library though was one of a kind, a kind that no human being owned in the living world – the library of Death. Things like 'a mere copy' did not exist there, only originals and dangerous things gathered dust in there.


Samael walked in with Shirahane in his arms, having the gates loudly close themselves behind. His eyes filled with nostalgia, he glanced above the library city. Yes, that was right – a library city. Such an enormous information could never fit one, two or five thousand shelves. The library looked, from above where the entrance was just like a normal entrance with beautiful goth-styled stairs and all, a complete maze. The air was different, too. The smell of paper, new or old, burned wax and the old fragrance of leather filled Samael's lungs.


The male walked down the stairs, his path illuminated by candles. Such place knew no technology, actually it was so old-fashioned thanks to its previous owner – Kou.


Once the staircase came to an end, there was a very old gramophone-like object. Its end was curled and into the arms of a small cupid, like a baby angel handling the magic of music.


His lips stretched lightly, he remembered that gramophone. After the end of World War II, there was that old, old man who had lost everything – his home, his family, his money and his shoes but one thing he smiled at. Of course like Kou, Samael also found that for beautiful. Because what the old male smiled at was the memory of his beloved while playing that dirty and cracked gramophone. Both of them, no, the three of them had spent so many nights listening to that gramophone. Samael has always wondered why Kou took it after the man passed away. Even so, he wasn't against it. In fact it reminded him of the purity and innocence in the human world.


An abrupt yell startled Samael out his thoughts.


- MASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!! - the claps of wings could be heard from the distance.


The angel of Death turned to side, his silver eyes slightly widened before the bump contact with a beautiful bird. If it weren't for his strong build and the fact that he knew what to expect, it'd have ended with a loud thud on the floor.


The bird's feathers looked like colorful flames forming a ring around its body before they spread across to follow the figure's shape-shifting. Arms and legs glowed and grew, long hair of silk fell down to its ankles covering the heaven-like beautiful face. Once the bird took the complete form of a boy, he looked up with starry eyes glittering, his arms tightly around Samael's waist.

- Master!!!!! Maaaaaaaaasteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-cough-coughoughoucgaaah – the moment of his excitement got a small baby feather enter his airways.


Once he could catch his breath again, the little boy looked up again with cheeks crimson from the rubbing contact he had with Samael.

- Master, I missed you!!

- T..Titi..you are crushing me.. - not able to move with Gin in his arms and the strong child literally squeezing the air out of him, Samael choked out these words.

- Eh? ..OH! OH! Master! - the boy quickly let go and looked down playing with his index fingers feeling guilty but still waiting for his master's hand to pat his head.


Finally able to breathe again, the taller man walked slowly further into the library city ignoring Titi as of now, and of course the boy followed excitedly although he really wished Samael would show some affection. Not like he ever showed but Titi had his reasons to love Samael. The boy jumped from side to side behind Samael, curious who was the one in his arms.

- M..Ma..Master! Could it be! - suddenly the boy paused with a sour look on face, - You have a new lover?!


Just like a child the boy started to sob and sniffle, not able to accept that his beloved master had already chose someone.


A loud sigh escaped Samael though,

- How is he my lover? Quick, prepare the Surgit*.

- .. - Titi blinked a few times, rubbing the tears off his face, - The Surgit? But, but, MASTER!

- Quiet. - Samael's voice was calm but threatening, he wasn't man who yelled he never yelled and that was the scary part.

- Titi does not want to. - the boy crossed arms before chest and looked to side with pouty lips.


Samael paused and turned his head slightly, eyeing the boy. The last thing he needed now was a thousand-year-old Phoenix act as if two-year-old.


- I don't have time for that, Titi. Things happened so I need you to prepare the Surgit for me.


The Phoenix boy peeked over at the male in Samael's arms. He looked really pale and moreover he looked as if cursed.


- Hmm... - Titi frowned and before realizing, he was leaning into Samael to stare at Shirahane.

- Titi?

- Hmmmmmm... - the boy frowned deeper, his pink eyes like decorative pink stones observed the unconscious male, - Master...Is that Kou?

- No. It's not him. - Samael glanced down at Gin having Titi's surprised look all over his body.

- ...I don't believe it. - suddenly the childish boy showed a more serious side, - No. It cannot be. Kou cannot die so easily. What's happened, Samael?


The angel felt guilt up his throat, and with the need to avoid these pure eyes he turned around resuming his walking.

- I need to take him to the bedroom first.

- Master.. I... I will not prepare that spell until you tell me what is going on.

- ..I understand.


Titi watched Samael's back from behind, he looked really sad. The Phoenix boy rarely saw Samael that way. Most of his time he spent it in leisure, jokes and away from his real job – to protect Death. Titi did not like that Samael. Titi liked the Samael who saved Kou.


{lat.} surgit - to rise

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Samael!!!!! cheetah5 He is soooooo hawt!~~ cheetah14

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Is anyone else mesmerized by Titi's cuteness? ^_^

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