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Narumiya

little by little, trying to improve.

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Narumiya

let's start from the beginning...

 

people always make resolutions during the start of the year, and halfway through, in maybe june or july, they stop and realize that they haven't done anything towards their resolutions yet. i used to be one of those people, really. except i do it at the start of each semester instead of the start of each year. and, to nobody's surprise! it's never worked out at all for me.

 

except, surprisingly, this year really has been better.

 

it started when i finally had the courage to switch from my old degree program (mathematics) into my new degree program (library and information science), halfway through my fourth year in university. better late than never, right? even though i was so terribly late. in some ways, i regret waiting for so long to get out of my old program, especially since i knew i was so miserable there. but, in other ways, i am thankful. perhaps it just so happened that i needed longer to realize that things weren't working out, and that i shouldn't force myself into having a career that i'm not passionate about. besides, if not for me taking my sweet time to leave, i wouldn't have met the good friends i have now.

 

i feel much lighter, doing what i honestly want to do. during the last two semesters (since i also took summer classes), i did my work religiously and studied for exams. i wasn't miserable. i was stressed, yes, but everything felt fulfilling to me, like i finally wasn't hitting a dead-end.

 

quite frankly speaking, it's liberating.

 

being in a better space emotionally and mentally has also allowed me to start reading books again. i mostly read gay romance novels, since i use my reading time as a way to unwind, and it surprises me how many good books i've missed out on while i was wallowing in my self-induced hole of misery. nowadays, even when i'm busy, i take the time to read a little bit on the bus during my commute. since i've started reading regularly again in the middle of may, i've read fifty books already! that's probably more books than i've read in the last four years combined...

 

in any case - my family and friends always tell me that life happens at each individual's own pace. for the longest time, i was frustrated over my lack of progress. but when i finally had the courage to take the leap and make a big change in my life for the better, everything else seemed to follow. i'm working towards being truly happy now, and it's a good feeling to have.

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confidant_v

@Narumiya I understand those feelings. I had a very similar situations. I was majoring in business and it was slowly, slowly killing me. I was losing myself in something that I hated. Every day I would wake up and I just wouldn't feel like myself. I was mostly doing the business degree because my family wanted me to do it. I was never passionate about it in the first place. I finally got the courage to stand up for myself and I switched to English literature. That led me into my new passion which is teaching English as a foreign language. I was so happy with the switch and I never regretted it. I don't even regret the time I took to switch either. Like you I took a while to finally make the change. I literally only had two more classes and I'd have the degree. Still.. It was too much to continue with.

 

Good job on switching to something you're passionate about! I truly relate and know how it feels. You made the right decision my friend ^_^

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Narumiya

thank you, @confidant_v! studying something that you're not the least bit interested in just makes everything so tedious... even if i ended up not doing any of my homework, i was still stressed and often found myself wondering why i never have time for anything even if i did nothing... ever since changing programs i've been doing all my work a lot more conscientiously but i also realized that, psychologically speaking, i feel like i have more free time. i have a lot of homework to do but i go to bed each night feeling pretty fulfilled, like i'm actually doing something worthwhile.

 

i'm really happy you also decided to pursue what you're passionate about! teaching is a noble profession, and i sincerely hope your family doesn't give you any trouble over making the switch from business to english. i don't understand why everyone seems to turn their nose at arts and humanities degrees... without arts and humanities, we wouldn't have books or movies or television or any other form of entertainment! old people's concepts of "practicality" aren't everything.

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