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To put a smile on your face


crystald
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

-

Robert Bloch

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“I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.”

Bill Murray

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Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

 

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

 

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

 

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

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An almost hysterical man calls 911 and yells,

"Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor started now, it’s really intense!"

 

"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

 

"No you dumbass! It’s her husband!"

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My boss told me yesterday,

“Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”.

But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbusters gear, the bastard said I was fired.

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A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

 

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

 

The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”

 

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”

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A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, “Looking for a guy that won’t beat me, won’t run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.”

 

Three days later, there’s a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there’s a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. “Dear Amy,” he says, “I have no arms so I couldn’t even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can’t run away on you. I’m your guy.”

 

“That’s very nice,” says Amy, surprised, “but how will you be able to satisfy me?”

 

His smile widens, “You did hear the knocking, didn’t you?”

 

 

How Dirty...

:Excited:

 

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I want to put a smile on a pretty girl's face, who deserves it.

So I brought you flowers,

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.

 

 

13151a_T672A-Always-Yours-by-Teleflora.jpg

 

I hope you like them and they make you feel better. :3

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my spatzl ;) thank you so much for your support, warmth and friendship :) and for making me smile like an idiot because of this post and making me laugh every time we spend time together. you are too cute foxy2 ich hab dich lieb *chu*

giphy.gif

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