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:] hi guys , I'm sorry if this boy English language lil bit too faraway from grammar.


dialogue before it begins

red : Meridianna

brown : Saturn

maroon : Saturn Possessed


"well , so here I'am typing some experience.. i don't really want to do this , but she said she want it so..are u happy now meridianna?"

"you want this too :} don't blame on me Saturn"

"whatever.. so where u want me to start? this bittersweet journey is just too long and complicated.. i don't know where to start. since our victims are.. uncounted"

"how about jumping from the first time you start realizing my presence?"

owh. alright, but the reader need to know about us so let me introduce a lil before the summary





"my name is Saturn [that's how she called me]


right now I'm 23 years old and looks like this, hairy, smoker

but don't worry coz the story will be the younger me :>

my hair is dark brown and curly. my skin were well common Asians

I'm an art maker. illustration , songs, well many things bout art

but out of art i'm just a lazy boy


"and the girl beside me is Meridianna, and i don't want to say what or who am i, u'll know as the story goes.""


here we go



rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity



CHAPTER 1 - The Feelings


Summary: September 2007 - senior high school music festival. there is a competition of making songs. young Saturn staring from the second floor.

Status: Ongoing


well , today i'm not feeling well.. i don't wanna join the competition, i rather stay invis

since one girl in my class wanna join it, better for me to be a listener.

competition starts, and i watching from the second floor because down there ? too many people.

i hate crowd -_-


o_o ngh.. why their songs is so ordinary, not deep. without feelings. common lyric.

thisis so boring but wait.. whos that man?


oh he is my senpai. he start to play his guitar and.

DAMN his voice his lyric and his guitar is just so..


so cute and charming right Saturn?

[sudden whisper on my ear]

wait what? no, so cool. damn his voice is so damn cool. oneday i'll be on the stage singing with him.

yes. well maybe after graduation coz this school lil bit shucks. they won't support music too.. even this kind of competition.. the student need to make proposal out this school place. stingy school.

and since i broke up with my girlfriend, being on the stage like that will just a nuisance for her.


days passed.. after that songs competition i don't know why i'm always standing up here and staring down.. he becoming so famous in school, all girls talk about him, his name is Gestra

weird name indeed he is half Germany [they said]

hope i can see that senpai again today.. shit thisis weird, wrong why am i doing this..

i don't even care about my ex girl friend anymore.. more about want to see him than her

i should focus on study and be more social with my friend..

but senpai will graduate soon, i can't see him again. i never have conversation with him.

SATURN STHAAAAP he is the same gender as you. what theff [talking to my self]




1 year after..


finally i pass my final test with a.. well.. it's a nice grade [between the online gamers only]. and it's been one year i never seen gestra..

i don't care.. i don't miss him.

i'm in love with my junior already, she is a cheerleader her name is Franciska

and guess what. I'm rejected.

coz she don't want have any serious status about love. she just want to have a relationship once, long last till marriage.

it's doesn't hurt coz i know i'm not ready for that. hmm forever alone Saturn.

and why girls so complicated. -_- they sometimes say "no" coz they wanna know if d boys is serious or not,

and sometimes the real "no". hard to guess.

graduation night will comin' and my band was chosen to perform a .. "love" song

after all this broke up , rejection, and flat year. how to sing about love?

by inviting your senpai to sing with you [sudden whisper]

nice idea!!


this whispers is not from my mind.. it' comes to my head..

but it's a nice idea.

i'll find a way to get his contact and ask him to sing with my band :3


and i get it YAY >,

u miss his voice right?

..shut up whispers, stage will have more fangirls if he agree [pressing the number]


Gestra: "hello ?"

Saturn: "..." motherof payon dungeon! #@$^%$ [panic] .i'm gonna faiiiiint . argh what to say

Gestra: "hellows? pardon, i cannot hear you"

Saturn: "su su sup Ge ges tar! i mean our band we'll be a guest star!, not our but.. [inhale] i think u don't know me, ofcourse u don't know me! [awkward] [i wanna kill ma self] i'm your junior. I'm sorry for bothering you"

Gestra: "oh ok, well, and what is ur name o_o ? and why you calling?"

Saturn: [so cold] "my name is Saturn, next week will be a graduation night and our band need your he

Gestra: "wait up, i need to go, i'll text you later" [beeb beeb beeb beeb]

Saturn: NEED YOUR HELP T--T ...onion7 AAAAAAAAAAAA F you gestra [bite d pillows]

whispers: "do u want him?"

Saturn: "YES PLEASE"


i mean i want him to come and sing with me so i can have more girl fans

and i don't know where the hell that whispers come but i get used to it

i heard the whispers said that he will.

why? he seems to be too famous to helping unknown junior. whatever. i'll sing the stupid love song in a flat way.


two day before the graduation night

he calling me back and said

"sorry for never inform you lil bro, i've been bussy but yes i'm gonna sing with you"



'lil bro' he said

lil bro, lil bro [singing. blushing] [slap own face] sthap saturn, wtf

i'm fuckin'st8


yes you are, and this is gonna be your first training. to beat the other st8







to be continued

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rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity



CHAPTER 2 - He Touch Me first!


Summary: September 2008 -After graduation night, Saturn and his senpai becoming more closed and something seemingly .. unatural

Status: Ongoing


After graduation night perform, our band becoming so lucky.

A local radio offering us chance to have our own On Air session called "Love Acoustic"


the only capable people on this band to get the chance are only me and senpai coz

the other member [my best friends] continue their education program in a busy university


in time, i found some new members from my new University

we getting well with each other, make songs n music and..

Me and Gestra just becoming more closer n closer.. like a bro [they said]


Gestra is an asshole, i mean he is a freakin playboy >:{

he already have his girl friend in other city but so flirt[y] to all the girls.

especially after our band more up up on the way..


I'm the one who cannot manage my time between University and Music..

My house too far away from university, and more more far away from the Radio Station


so i start to beg to my parents that i need to learn to live alone

nearer to the university [reasons]


i just wanna live alone, so maybe senpai will often come to my place..


and he did


not only often come but take a nap every night..


and the hardest things is, he changed so much in a year


more manly, more muscle, more tattoo and more... treat me like.. NAH it's not. [slap my own self again]

care to each other is common ..


but sleep beside him is a CRAZY things

I'm suffering.. i don't know why i'm turned on like that..

i can't sleep and i ... masturbate in my toilet so i'm tired n sleep

in the morning when i saw him still sleeping with that roasting brief..

so close with me.. and his hairy legs.. i


I HATE him.. why he has to be so hot.. damit

i always intentionally wake him up so i can prohibit my self from my brain


my dick is hard because of the morningwood but .. now too hard coz of this view


fuck this. i wake him up, i'm st8! and he is st8!

our band will be in danger if something happens between us.

i have gf too right now in other city..

he has one too in other city..

there's no point on this


Saturn: "hei Senpai bastard, wake up! morning already, u have class today " [angry]

Gestra: "hmmmmmmphngh..." [suddenly hug my legs] wth

Saturn: "hei wake up im not ur pillow"

Gestra: "mmmh I'm lazy today baby.." "udontgotoschltoo jstslpwifme" [hug even harder]

Saturn: "what? baby? -_- , r u dreaming. don't u dare having a wet dream with ur gf on my bed"

Gestra: "zzzzz" "yawn" [waking up]

Saturn: "sigh.. , u go take shower first. wake me up after"

Gestra: " hmph " [walking to the shower.. sounds upset]


finally he go to his campus..

usual words he said before he closed my room door : "i'll be back in evening"


my dick still hard.. and I'm not happy about it

"damit i'm not gay.. i'm not bi. im not"

"since when?, and how?"

"i love girls"


i'm trying to remember the root of this wrong feelings

but i found nothing..


I'm so upset and i turn on my pc..

"i need to check this.. coz I'm not"


search the definition of that wrong orientation

search how does it appear


nothing of it is my factor

everything so unknown and i feel lost


i open the porn website..


i watch the normal porn male with female . yes i have erection

i'm try to watch the male with male . i feel gross about it

i'm trying to watch the female and female . my erection gone away.

i watch two males and one female.. my dick even harder


i don't know what is wrong with me


I'm so depressed.. I'm so scare.. I disappointed with my self


but I'm addicted with senpai presence..

I'm so upset but in the other side, I'm happy when he staying here.


i don't wanna go to campus today

i'll play online games until tired so i can forget this weird feelings

[suddenly the whispers]:

"tonight will be the night of our first glory"

"STOP. who are you? why u always whispering to my head?"


"one day you'll let me in"


after that there is no sounds..

I'm not scary at all.. coz from i was a lil kid i already saw the things that most people cannot see.

and i ignore coz i don't have any business with it. get real.

but i cannot detect this one

female voice full of lust and traps.


maybe just my imagination


whatever . kill the time. forget everything


time passed.. night already,

as usual , Gestra open the door without knocking and trying to surprise me


Gestra: "BOOOM! hahahahaha. here, i bring you some chocolates"

Saturn: "woah thank you" [still looking at my PC and playing games"

Gestra: [changing clothes and being topless with boxer like everynight]


"what game?, why so focus :} ?" [sit behind my back]


Saturn: "just online mmorpg"

Gestra: "lemme try >:} " [get closer and holding my arm while i'm still spam clicking]

Saturn: " hei dont -_- , if I'm dead the whole team will blame me"

Gestra: [talking with his chin on my shoulder] "i'll kill your team if they blame you"


he put his other arm around my stomach

his breath on my neck.. so warm

his chest on my back...

dammit it's not suppose to be a problem if i don't have any crush

this is so normal between buddies


but why you care about me more than anyone?

why u treat me so nice and tender

and why the fuck i like that situation

it's somehow more than u treat a lil brother


I'm petrified, i cannot move my self

I'm so nervous, my blood boiling

it feels so good

my dick start to get hard again


this is bad coz one of his hand on my hips and stomach

this is bad if he realize it


Saturn : [move his hand] "ok you can play for me i trust you :], where is my chocolate?"

Gestra : "ahhaha ok, inside my bag, take it"

Saturn : "thx by the way , eh, don't die, u'll mess my game stat"

Gestra : "oh come on, I'm not a noob"

Saturn : [yeah but I'm a noob to your touch.. jerk] [talk in my mind]


i let him play , i eat my chocolate and lie down smoking

i watch him from behind..

he is so hot.. he cannot make that kind of jokes on me

something wrong is happening with me so he just cannot do things like that again

on the past it's feels so normal between buddy

but now he cannot.


i'll learn to avoid


Saturn : "next time bring me beer .. i'm 18 :p"

Gestra : "ahahahaha, :} u looks upset this morning, so -chocolate."

Saturn : "-_- no, why upset?"

Gestra : "i don't know, ur voice is lil bit different when u wake me up"

Saturn : "oh, well sorry, i don't want your wet dream mess with my bed. extra laundry"

Gestra : "AHAHAHAHAA" XD [lookin at my face] [smiling]



[phonecall from my girlfriend Tiara]

[when i saw my phone it was 49 misscall]


Saturn: "yes honeyyyyyyyy"

[gestra stop smiling and continue playing [now with headphone on]]

Tiara: "where have u been? why u didn't answer my phonecall?"

Saturn: "iii.. forget where i put my cellphone"

Tiara: "you said you will come to my city this weekend.. u remember?"

Saturn : "...." "yes but.." [looking at Gestra] [he ignoring me]

Tiara: "what?"

Saturn : "i probably cannot stay there for three day, there's a new schedule in radio"

Tiara: "u don't have to come if u don't want to, u should tell me earlier" [close the phone]


Saturn: "..." *throw the phone


Gestra : "are u ok?"

Saturn : "I'm ok just dizzy, i sleep first" [turn my back from senpai]


he shut down my pc and lie his body behind me


Gestra : "I'll sleep too :]"


and suddenly..




he caress my head tenderly

slowly get closer again to my back.. what is this


and he start to


to be continued hahaha XD

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rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity



CHAPTER 3 - The Ritual


Summary: September 2007 - Gestra can't behave his self on my bed.

Status: Ongoing




He start to moves his body more sticking to my back..


i can feel his bulge from his tight boxer beginning to harden.


He humps it up and down slowly and he cannot stop sniffing on my back.


His other hand start going inside my T-shirt..


my body shaking on it's own.. trying to holding my moan..


i can't take it , it feels to good..


"nggh.. se..shen .nh senpai.."


suddenly he stop after my moan.


a total stop.. and i don't know what is going on now.


i turn around my body so i can face to face to see his face.


he.. is sleeping


i wait a lil longer, but he seems really sleeping.


am i dreaming? i don't think so.


I'm lil bit upset but well. whatever i close my eyes and try to sleep.


next minute.. he moving again..

what the hell with this guy


he move his chest on mine and start pushing his hard bulge on mine..


now he breathing near my ear


he brush his dick until it's out of his boxer..


i can feel it touch my lower abs .. lil bit wet


he moves it faster n harder.. he is too heavy i can't breathe


he kiss my ear and i can't help but moaning again coz that's my freakin spot.


AND he stop again..


i wake up from my bed and staring at his face


what the frot!


pretend to sleep


with snore..


what the hell.. i wanna laugh but i wanna pinch his cuteness



well ok i guess i know how this game works.


i feel so horny.. i'm flying in pleasure


i don't care about anything anymore


i adore him since senior high school and i can't believe this is really happens


i lying on his body and start kissing his neck.. i did the same like he did to me


i open his boxer and his long and hard things just so hard and wet..


i put it together with mine and i stroke it..


I'm flying..


he moves in pleasure but still pretend to sleep..


his arm holds the bed tightly when he close to cum


his warm cum right on my dick while i'm stroking it and i use it as the lubes


i keep stroking it together and he can't stop moving like it's so tickle after that


and finally i reach my climax too..



thisis so wrong..

and fun [suddenly the whispers again]


im so tired so i ignore it..


i clean everything.. he still pretend to sleep. or already sleep..


i hug him tight and whispers to his ear..

"i love you senpai"


and i sleep in happiness



inside my sleep i saw a woman holding some red strings on her hands


it's smile in satisfaction..


and says "the game will continue my dear Saturn"


"as straight as they wish, [giggling]"



Gestra: "good morning my lil bro :''] "

Saturn: "morning.." [staring at his face]

Gestra: "what? something wrong?"

Saturn: "nothing? are? wrong?"

Gestra: "what do u mean?"

Saturn: [i get it. he try to act like nothing happens] "nevermind, u have class today?"

Gestra: "nah, and btw today we have our band perform so, let's meet the other and rehearsal, but i need to go somewhere first"

Saturn: "i'm lazy to use my motorbike today -_-" [act spoil]

Gestra: "come on.. i'll ask our bassis to pick u up this afternoon then"

Saturn: [turn my back] "i don't want him, i want you"

Gestra: "'what happen with the 'beer im 18 yo?' hahahaha"

Saturn: "hmph.. fine. just goaway"

Gestra: [pats my head] "ok ok spoiled boy u belong on my motorbike"

Saturn: [smile] ":} saturn winnn"

Gestra: "yeah yeah whatever u said. i go first ok , if i come here u sud be ready, if not, u go alone"

Saturn: "ok grandpa :p"


after he left i still longing about last night.. it's just unbelievable


how can he be like that?


from senior high school until before, i never see any sign that he can be so in lust with boy..


but the same case for my self.. how i can be like that..


i guess i adore him from long time but.. that's all about music..


..i think it's ok. He act like nothing happens too..


it's ok. yeah it's ok don't overthink


i must not questioning him about last night.



after some hours he go back to my place and pick me up to the studio


along the motorbike i just wanna hug him close but it will looks so weird so i don't do dat shit



in the studio we rehearsal , he keep looking at my face, and when i look back he pretends to looking somewhere else


at the night perform we amaze a producer and he said that he wants to be our manager.

plus so many girls there and Gestra so flirty as always..

he know i'm upset so he come to me and said "let's go back :]"

and i said "owh, get those girls number already?"

"of course :p" he said.


so this what jealous taste like.

i'm not saying anything along the way to my place.


and he drops me by infront of my place, he said "tonight i'm not sleep in your place"


and that's words feels like katana .. stabs my heart like a .. banana [i'm trying to rhyme] [don't judge]


i feel so angry and i can't say anything..

i feel fear too that he hesitate last night..

i just smile and go back to my room without saying anything.


i close my door and lying on my bed

i cover my face with pillows and wanna cry -_-


n i surprise that he come inside my room and said "TEHEEEE just kidding"


dammmit WHAT IS THIS fuckin situation..

im happy and angry in the same time, i wanna punch him and ask him to duel.

but i'm tired.. i just lying on my bed

he come and he hugs me and plays with my hair again

so brave without pretending to sleep.


i hug him back and i said with a lowest and tired volume

breathless for i don't know what is this feelings.. :


"i love you. bastard.."




he hugs me more tight and he said


"i love you too"


to be continued :}

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rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity



CHAPTER 4 - JEALOUSY of the demon


Summary: They sink into a pleasure that they never have before. But the whispers demand her ways

Status: Ongoing


{Original Soundtrack of Saturn by me for the opening song of this chapter :}


Please Register/ Sign In, in order to see the links.


After that night, we're just becoming more close like a couple.

i even acting spoil infront of my band just on him. And he treat me like a boyfriend.

But they really see it as a nice chemistry between vocalist.


everynight he comes and the lusty game happens again.

we get used to it but the game still has his rules

one of us must pretends to sleep.


but we never do sex. and we never kissing on the lips.

we scare that will feel.. wrong.

indeed. weird. we cum together and that's not wrong.

but if we kissed it will be wrong.


by the time i realize something..

i saw that my body is absorbing his energy.

it's not giving and blend our energy anymore , but it's consumed him.

maybe about energy things, u don't have to have a special third eye..

yoga people, or people that love meditating can see energy.

and thisis real.

he become more and more thirsty of my touch because some part of his energy is missing..

there is an empty part of his cosmic because it's really draws out to me.


not only the flow of energy..

i saw some red string between me and him..

i concentrate and i feel a presence.. a black dressed lady

but it's blur


i try to calm down my self and stop thinking about it.

as long as Gestra here and we still having fun.


in the morning - a text on my cellphone from my senior high school bestfriend.

his name is Nick. and he said he gonna stay in my place for a several weeks..

i feel happy coz i miss my bestfriend.. but i want Gestra here and i can't do anything if Nics is here.


and the things are complicated.

we sometimes lied to nick about "Nick tonight i cannot go to my place and the key is here in my pocket.. I'm sorry, can u stay at somebody place i guess"

and again only me and Gestra sneaking behind.. he even help me to lied to Nick.


Nick is really really st8ly hot coz he is. He is the one who always protects me in high school.

he even fight with d senior when they wants to bully me for being close with a girl [my ex]

but i don't have any kind of crush to nicks. Hurting him is like hurting my own self.

but nicks I'm sorry for these time i'm addicted with something..

and need to be secret. coz u'll punch me on the face if u know about this.


one night i heard the whispers again


"I'm bored with our victim, let's movin'on"


but i don't understand what is that suppose to mean.

i ignore it and still having fun with my senpai.. since he treat me like his.. i dont know

we even forget that we have a girl friend in other city.



that's when suddenly her girlfriend calling me on the phone..


Claudya : *crying "helo, saturn"

Saturn: "yes claudy.. why are u crying?, whats happend?"

Claudya: ".. hks.. don't tell Gestra, tomorrow i'll come to your city, i need to talk about something with you. only you, it's a secreet"


THATs kind of words makes me pale.. my mind panicking and


Saturn: "o ok.. what time? where? but.. claudya, if u wanna share something secreet.. i think u go to the

wrong person.. I'm a bad bad person and u cannot trust me" [saying it with a deep guilty feelings]

Claudya: *still crying "no.. please.. i trust you, and i only trust you. me and Gestra already see you as our

lil brother"

Saturn: "...." "just text me where u want to met and what time coz tomorrow night our band has another

performing in a local caffee"

"are u sure about this? u cannot trust me!"

Claudya: " i trust you"


and after that conversation.. i cannot touch Gestra on the night. i just won't. i feel guilty for his grilfriend.

suddenly i remember my gf Tiara too..

it's complicated again in my head.


Gestra keep touching me all around when i pretend to sleep but i really don't feel anything coz i'm not in the mood. i let him get what he wants tonight. i just sleep.



daylight.. i gotta face all of this shit situation


i met Claudya in a peaceful cafe


she is crying on her white adorable dress

so pretty

so pretty till i want to punch person that makes her cry [pointing at my self]

but the conversation just leads me to feel guilty


she keep asking me if there's maybe another girls that Gestra tried to get along with.

keep believin' that Gestra fell in love with other girl..

i'm speechless. there's no way i can tell her the truth



i ends up trying to calm her down and try to make her believes that there's no other girl



...I'm not lying right?


why i feel like the antagonist of their love story..

a villain

i feel guilty .. but i feel win . so freak!


she said she wants to go back to her city already but i.. try to make her stay

and i try to push her to go with me to watch our perform and met our .. i mean.. her boyfriend.. Gestra


and yes.. Gestra surprised that Claudya come with me..

his face so pale..

really pale. but i need to calm him down..

i text him from my phone

"she miss you and wanted to surprise you so she comes"


Time to perform..entertainer need to put problems behind the stage [they said]

it's a sad song


and Gestra keep singing it like.. lost in sorrow.

i sing it in my guilty, happy but sad.

he keep looking at my face instead of Claudya.

Claudya keep giving that "i really miss you" type of stare from her chair..

i.. don't know what i feel. i feel like a criminal


i gave Gestra a code with my eyebrow, try to tell him "look at your girl friend!, don't ignore her"

but His eyes just looks so sad like trying to say "don't be hurt by this, i'm sorry.."

[damit Gestra, u should care about her not me]

in a rush i saw the black dress woman gave a devilish smile.. and gone

between the song i whispers to him "please hug your girl friend after this. she miss you!"

Gestra just staring on the stage floor with an empty eyes..


and the performance is over.. weeee I'm stressed .sit down with my manager and drink some alcohol.

Gestra come to Claudya and hug her.

Claudya crying inside his embrace..

and Gestra keep looking at me.. what the hell

his eyes trying to say "don't get hurt by this.. please don't"


our manager realize something wrong in here..

and ask me "what happend?"

Saturn: "nothing , just two lover missing each other, what a wonderful world right sir"

[dammit this alcohol made me sounds so jealous.. this is bad]


I'm dizzy.. I'm tipsy and i said to em i go back first..

Gestra runs to me , he whispers " i'll come to ur place after i drop her to her friend's place"

I said "don't be rude to your.. girl.. wife.. whatever.. friend" and i leave


i pull my motorbike in rage so fast and so reckless..

i want the speed erase all this feelings..


I'm crying in my apartment

so weak

this tears easily comes out

.. i don't know what i feel

without thinking.. i call my GF Tiara with my phone.

"honey.. we need to stop our relationship :]"

Tiara: "what happened why? if it's about yesterday.. i already forgive you, im the one who ego i'm sorry"

Saturn: "No no no! don't feel sorry about it, it's just

i don't want you to be the most unlucky woman if u stay with me, forget everything.. with me, u don't have future. ok? get it? [still tipsy] now stay away from me!"

[bad behavior]

[throwing my cellphone]


i'm still tipsy.. and after that Gestra come.. he sit down on my bed. not saying anything.

I'm too lazy to talk about anything. or even ask why don't he stay with claudya.

i'm worried my brain not sync with my lips


my chest still feels a narrow because all of this

i sleep again..and he changed his clothes too..

he try to do the same thing like everynight..

i lose my mind, i kiss him all around and i did it with upset feelings..



"i don't want to share"





and. that's the voice that will guide to chapter 5.. the real chaos



to be continued

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rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity





Summary: After all the conflict Saturn never expected that Gestra would doing something really really destroy Saturn's lives.

Status: Ongoing





That's the last night he comes to my place


in the morning his eyes looks so empty.


he plays the guitar and singing in sorrow.


i can feel it. He hates him self.


after that he so became so silent. and leave without saying anything.


our band routines still going.

but we becoming so awkward.

we trying hard to communicate and smile..

our manager keep looking at us as he suspect something wrong.

but we say nothing is wrong.


after studio inside our manager's car

our manager suddenly saying: "Hei, i wonder who still virgin in ourband hahaha"

everybody is laughing and i just. silent

"whats wrong with being virgin boss? hahaha" said my friends

"come on, u guys are 18 or 19 already, i wanna go to a place where you guys can get laid with beautiful women" said the manager.

"IM IN!" "ME TOO" "YES" said my band group except me and Gestra.


"I'm .. in"


Gestra said : "yes I'm in boss ^ ^"


i feel more narrow inside my heart, but i need to calm my self down

coz it's none of my business!

I'm nobody.


"hey handsome Saturn, say something" said the manager


"sorry sir, u can drop me infront of my place" i said

[Gestra trying not to looking at my face]

"HAHahahaha come on don't be a chicken, i'll pay everything. it's a gift coz our band becoming more n more success". said the manager


"no sir, it's ok, sorry i'm not joining" i said


"well, don't hesitate" he said


they drop me infront of my place as i requested.

i close the car and see Gestra face. he still trying not to looking at my face.


"see you guys, have fun :}" i said. n i go inside my room.


night after night he never come to my place.


i text him "Senpai? are u ok? why u never come here again?"


he replied: "I'm ok lil broo, i'm bussy with many things right now"


next rehearsal he come with a new girl. so close and so romantic.



[play this bgm while u reading down :) ]




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it's hurt, but i have no right to ruin his live.

he can choose whatever he wants to do.


no more spoil.


finally the time has come for our band to take a recording of our mini album.

and we need to go to other city together with our manager.

we stay there for 3 days.


I'm trying so hard to erase the awkwardness between us because i cannot duo singing if we trying to avoid eye contact.

it works. we talk like usual, it's just i'm not acting spoil anymore.

i try to understand.


The second day i'm not in the mood of talking with everyone so i just longing in balcony.

he searching for me.

and he found me longing, staring at the rain.


and i said to him "hi senpai :]"


[he come and sit down near me]


suddenly i feel so gloomy.


tears coming out from my eyes.


and the words just comes out from my lips.


"i miss you senpai"


i smile and looking at the rain.

i just hate the fact that i miss him.

hate the fact that i feel lonely.


suddenly.. he hugs me from behind.

the time feels like stop at the moment


i can feel his tears on my shoulder.

with a shaking voice he said


"what am i suppose to do..?.. tell me"


i cannot answer him.. tears keep coming out.

i feel so weak..


i said


"senpai, it's ok, don't be sad. we will make our band success"


i really wanna hug him back but i just cannot.


he keep saying it

"what am i .. suppose to do.."


I just cry i don't know


i hate you, i never feel like i'm starting anything


why i'm the one who feel lonely?


how can you sustain the night with other girls and not thinking about me


i even live alone because i want you to be there..


the words of sad and anger just keep coming on my mind


but i just cannot say anything but "it's ok senpai. don't be sad".


i hate you for leave me


i miss the way you open the door and surprise me


i miss you I MISS YOU..


"just.. let's be happy don't be like this ok, everything is ok. nothing is wrong, we need to finish our mini album :]"


[he try to stop his tears and smoking]


my education program in my campus already ruined because i'm focusing on my band

this is the only hope i have to continue my life and career


finally we finish our recordings.


but in the night..


i get a txt msg from my manager saying "tomorrow we need to talk to you about something"


i had a very bad feeling about this..

"he told the manager already" said the whispers

NO! he cannot

"yes he did"

NO. he will never betray me and it's about his name too

"it's done Saturn it's done"


i'm panic. i call Gestra on the phone


he said "WE ? what do u mean by we?"

i said "are you blaming me for all of this?"

"No ofcourse i will never told em that you have a.. different sex orientation" he said.



i feel so weak till i cannot stand

i'm crying


Saturn: "why u did this to me senpai"


Gestra: "u're the one who kissed me the very last night! that's why i don't want to come to your place!"


Saturn: "u betray me just for a kiss while u did more before that"


Gestra: "i don't understand what are u talking about, sorry I'm busy"

[he close the phonecall]




i hate you










the pain is too deep too hurt

i have no space in my chest

it becoming too solid and too heavy

stabbing inside my chest until it's shaping like a black hole.

i need the other pain to distract this..



with knife i scratch my left arms

in every line i spell your name


in everyline i remember that i don't have anything anymore


i'll lose my band


i failed my campus


people will mocking me


my family will be disappointed


why do i live


blood everywhere on the floor

suddenly my best friend nics open the door and shock by what he saw.


"WHAT THE FUCK ARE U DOING?" he said in rage


i just cannot answer him too painful .. too painful


he grab the knife on my hands and throw it away



Saturn: "even if i told you you'll hurt me too"


Nics: "I'll NOT hurting my brother"


Saturn: "even if i told you , you cannot understand. u'll blame me more"


Nics staring at me so upset and worry

Nics: "if u see me as ur brother too. please.. "


i just cannot refuse to tell him.. whatever the risk. i have nobody else who probably will listen to me


Saturn: "my band.. will kicked me out becouse.. i'm .."

[in hatred i try to said it, it's in the corner of my lips.

it's too heavy to confess

i don't believe it, but it happened]


Saturn: "I'm bisexual.. or gay or i.. I DON'T KNOW!"


Saturn: "that's the reason i lied to you to make Gestra stay here with me everynight."


Saturn: "He told the manager and maybe the whole band that i'm the one who made all of this things.. HE ENJOYED EVERYTHING we did and now he blame me.."


Nics face so shocked like he cannot believes my words..

he petrified.. he hold his head by his two hands and looking at the floor full of my blood.

he cry and he hugs me.


Nics :"i cannot say anything.. just please stop this"


he cry and now he sounds in rage he said "i need to go now"

i know that expression. His expression when he want's to punch people

i know he'll go to fight with Gestra..


should i worry about Gestra?


he not even worry about my life!

i hate




whispers: "betrayer [chuckling]"



[ending song]


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to be continued

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rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity





i clean my bloods


i feel empty


what is life


i standing infront of a mirror


i pats my own head


i said to my self " self I'm sorry for hurting you"


"self, don't be angry with me"


"angry with somebody else right Saturn?"


"why you seperate me with him this way?"


"i told you before, i said let's move on"

"but u've been inlove"

"it's not me that make it this way"

"it's Gestra. it's his own will"

"of succeed , of money, pride, cleans his own name"


"if he loves you he should just come and sitdown here, tell you that he needs to stop doing lusty things and be normal"


he cannot face the fact that he loves it




that's why he try to wash his hand from what he did

he still need the fame from our band

but he feel a shame with him self everytime he is with me

he even cry and ask me what to do coz he will just keep falling with me if i'm there


"indeed, why don't he sit down here with you?"




"yes anger are better than sorrow. he is our bitch"

"wherever he go, he'll be haunted with his fakeness"

[i cannot control my rage, i feel possessed and i said]


"and i always believe that my bitch. will be.."




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After that night, time goes on.


many things and moment happened


i come to the band meeting and as i expected, he already told manager

and from manager to the other members

they act like family

they swear nobody will know out of it

i don't care already

Nics made em promised infront of me.

Gestra cannot look me in the eyes

i look at his face straightly with my sharp eye


i can see his guiltiness


for a silly reason they said they need to stop me to perform till my emotion calmed down


but i need to come to every perform just for watching


i cannot erase my hatred


for me all of this is just a fake game


of course all of you licking our manager's butt coz he has the money

he treat you with money

go to prostitution every week

pay you this and that


treat me like a sinner. now tell me the difference?


it's not my fault u born normal


and it's not ur business u don't walking on my shoes


i stick my dick on what i like i don't know what is missing on you guys


especially the one who start this


yes you. Gestra


u just lucky i don't have any proof


and u just lucky...

I'm.. still

loving you


trough this progress i need to go to hospital to check my health

every time i feel anger, my heart beats abnormally

and hospital claim i got palpitation

the medicine are so expensive


the doctor seems understand my depression when he exam me

without trying to investigate my problem

he said suddenly:

"There is no problems happens in our lives that more than our capacity "


my tears comes out automatically


i realize that i loose the hopes

maybe i can moving on with my life


what if the world mocks me?

who gonna protects me?

I'm weak

if i want to move on i need to forgive him




or find a way to proofs to the world that he started all of this first?


or forgive..


he has family too, all our band members they try to make em proud

but what about me?


they singing and performing with the songs i wrote

Band name, i made it for em

why it's easy for em to kick out an imperfection


i need to know my limitation

if i can't forgive now. i need to get lost.

i need to prohibit my self from anything about em.


and i decide to go back living in my parent's home

try to heal my self from palpitation

i never talk about my band

i never stalk about my band

but so many announcement everywhere in social media about their perform here and there


till coincidentally i heard from a radio

"and here is the new band with their new love single mini album, a very sweet and lovely duet song, enjoy"


the song played


my part


my voice


was replaced


by a new vocalist




they never told me anything





yes. i need to get lost. i hate music. i hate singing.






no matter what i hate music

how to stop..

all people who knows that I'm not in the band anymore

try to ask me so many question

why I quit

that's what they heard. that i quit

my band scare with Nic's Threat indeed

i said "i need to focus on study"


nomatter how much i scare to sing. i miss stages

i miss singing.


and i got information there is a famous modern charismatic Choir open an audition.

but one of their rule are "we're not accepting a smoker"


i don't care


i'll go


i want to show em something

that even a smoker like me will have a place there.

i'll smoke there. and give my best on audition.


and i did smoke along the que. All people look at me like "who is this stupid guy"

"did he knows the rules ?"


the senior choir look at me and gives a triple dot expression

and finally my turn to sing

the choir judges and teacher team asking me about if i know the rule

and i just said "i know. and maybe someday i'll stop. but i won't promise"


the audition has a four phase

1. sing a slow and fast song

2. read the file of partitive musical notes

3. follows exactly the notes they sings

4. dancing on a beats


i more worry about number 4


the announcement of people who accepted will be announced from a website

+-300 people auditioning and only 50 accepted


i did accepted

number 1

with the highest point


i don't know what brings me there. hatred?


whatever it was. at least now i have a symbol and i can say to my self

"hey self, be happy, let's continue our life chapters again :], we can"


"yes maybe we can found a new somebody there"


sorry , i don't plan for it


"not yet" *smirks


to be continue



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This story is amazing! :Red_fox:


I liked everything. The story, the drawings that help us imagine the things better, the songs. It's just perfect!


Yeah, I became your fan. I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

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thankyou miro senpaiiiiiiii! u really giving me spirit to continue XD .:hamtaro-005 (8):

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Your surreal art and music go really well with the emotion of the story here. There's a lot of life in your fic, true. Very real.

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This is such a lovely story, one of the best I've read lately! I just finished reading it and can't wait for more! Also your song is amazing! :)

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thankyouuuu dai ^ ^ yes, i will continue . thx thx thx for supporting :hamtaro-005 (6):

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i want to thanks the people who share their time to read, like, and comment even stop by or accidentally clicking XD, thankyou u bring me spirit to continue ~Saturn

don't let ur guard down , i'm still hungry :} ~ Meridianna




rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity




Summary: 2010, after trying to get lost from his bitter past, Saturn joined a music choir, coz he still wants to sing. and maybe it's a nice place to sing between peoples.

His mind suddenly talk to his self while he longing inside the musical training

Status: Ongoing


I'm a type of person who cannot shut down my mind. It keep talking..

even when I'm sleep, it talks inside my dream. but i know the different between my own mind talks, and the whispers.


between all these new friends and people my mind keep longing




do i need somebody to love?


will i have one?


what is my criteria?


am i too heavy to handle till my past so bitter?


or maybe ..am i too total?


it's been the second week and i got many people who trying to get to know about me -_-

i'm trying not to be too social but they're just too friendly

i realize there is some girls blushing while they talks with me

some of em even said that they really loves my voice

one female senior is blushing when asking my name

o_o or maybe it's just me thinking that way

*slap own self


am i lonely?

do i really need somebody?



*looking around


rrr somebody..

blushing for nobody


what am i hunting for?

this place is just too.. wrong for hunting

nevermind , let's do this musical training

but i feel somebody is watching me


...well excuse me i won't caught that somebody looking at me

but I'm curious. white jacket? o_o it's a boy

the 17 y o boy.. oh come on , what the hell .

"you said somebody. not some girls, plus look at his body :''}"

tall.. fresh.. lil bit taned skin. eye glasses.

"sexy nerd"


ok stop, last time i'm with the older boys i got palpitation.. and this one is 3 years belows me

what will i get next? stroke?



but i agree. he is cute and hot. and.. hug[able]

kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa wtf with me *slap face



ok. calm down. this notes makes me dizzy i think i need to leave to coffee shop near here


no i can't -_- i need to finish this first

but my mind won't shut up

it keep saying about "i need somebody"


now it even singing..


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ok i cannot concentrate..

caffeine i need caffeine, let's go my self


the music training is not yet ends but i love to retreat XD

with my mind singing i just smile a lil and thinking about nobody

or maybe that sweet young boy

"u mean sexy nerd"

yes yes call it what u want


i'm sit down in that coffee shop untill the music training done.

three weeks in training but i never had a real long conversation with people.

coz i choose to avoid conversation and being alone in here.

coz i worry i become close with people

and i feel that .. the more close with people that we care about will lead to sensitivity


but i see there's two member of the group walking to this coffee shop

it's a couple, one is senior and one is junior like me.

-_- ugh *avoid eye contact

too late


"HI SATURN!" said the man

"ceyh, loner :>" said the woman


Saturn: "hi guys" [i forgot their name]

u know the awkward moment when you introduce with people with handshake and you said your name with that people together and missheard but shy to asking one more time? yes it happens between me and the 49 member + 50 senior



Saturn: "so how are you?"

man: "Henry, my name is Henry, i know u forgot ahahah, and my gf is .."

woman: "Yumi ;] , so why are u alone?"

Saturn: "XD coz I'm smoking ahhaa, u know the rule right?" [woops one of em is senior..]

Henry: "zzz, don't worry about it, as long not infront of the choir elder :> "

woman: "some senior still smoking too with a ninja mode hahaha"


they are so friendly, we're talking and talking till the time is lil bit late.

and then i going home.l

they sometimes invite me to their apartment but I'm lazy when i don't really have purpose to go.

we're becoming close, and they're just a couple of big bro and big sis

i becoming more open and telling em about my bitter story


i never tell about the bromance part.

i just telling em about i have a prob with the other vocalist abd manager and then bla3

i said to em i come to choir coz i miss to sing, but i don't want it in a form of a band

Henry is a pro acoustic guitar player. so sometime we sing randomly just for killing time

one time they push me to come to their apartement, idk why

and when i get there they show me a house recording tools they just bought

and they said "with this we can make songs together, and u still can moving on with your music"

I'm so happy , and we did records some song together.


in the other place, that time . i heard my best friend Nics starting a business with his brother. a sushi bar.

so i introduce em with Nics too and we becoming more close.


one time on the choir, there will be a mini concert for the 50 junior members

and 3 of em will be voted to be the Solis.

two boys and one girl. They choose me, and the other twin. so we're 3 people.

but on rehearsal, the boy from the twin said that he cannot make it because campus schedule ..

they ask my opinion about who can replace.. and .. "cough"

damit i'm so wicked, i choose that young boy sexy nerd cute adorable syalalala.

coz i want to become his friend :3 kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *slap my own face again



now i know , his name is Keiv


coz i need to talk about the solis thingy so i invite him to the coffee shop


we become close too when we know that we're online gamer


we go to cyber cafe for playing together


and now i know he smokes too


but everything is normal. my mission is only to be his friend ok. uhuh control

don't blush Saturn.

damn he is very pro at gaming


bad thing is his young blood now following my bad example to retreat the music training and chillax in that coffee shop


we laughing, talking about music, music, music, how to do rift n runs this n that


suddenly that coffee shop is our base

not only after training, but everyday, after his school time, he text me to join him there just for chilling and chat


there's no day without that coffee shop


am i inlove with this somebody?


ugh SATURN! the game like that is suppose to be over because the risk


ok i need to control my self

he is a freakin straight

"u did it before Saturn, nomatter how st8 right *chuckle"


calm down. i need coffee . ok coffee shop without him then.


...i remember his parfume in here.

RRR stop thinking!

why i'm keep thinking of him.


"u want him?"


yes.. may i


"as you wish , Saturn"


damit.. stop thinking about him please, why my heart beating so fast?

DISTRACTTTTT syalalalalaalaa

think about something random so my mind will shut up

random um. LEGS! no. what a fetish. =_=

random umm. pick one word. ok. DOTA. no it's reminds me of him. O_O

pick something that far away from him. hm . korea

in my country now all people really love korean song and drama, but me and him not really

eh.. why my mind start singing a korean song with missheard lyric


*suddenly my mind keep singing a korean song with missheard lyrics

*im laughing by my self coz it sounds wrong and funny


it's been so long.. I'm not smiling and laughing like this


i feel revived



i'm smiling



but now i wanna cry coz I'm smiling









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to be continued

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Wonderful fiction! And you have a beautiful voice! I love how unique you make the fiction inserting songs and drawings too! Keep up the good work! :hamtaro-005 (23):

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I just finished reading Chapter 7. I'm also smiling like Saturn. I couldn't believe that he started singing coffee shop, one of my favorite songs, from B.A.P. :Red_fox:


I'm curious how his story with the sexy nerd guy will continue. Can't wait to read the next part.

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I'm sure there will be way more views than 300 because this story is so good! Good luck! :leaf4:

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  • 1 month later...

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This fanfiction is so good! Will you continue it? :hamtaro-005 (4):

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  • 1 month later...
hii, sorry for not writing so long. i'm in a state of weird feelings about future , life, study. -_- i wish i had a job lol, hahaha plus the more i write it the more my heart aching for my past.. he is the one that i can't forget untill now ~ Saturn

the more you wants me to find a new one? ~ Meridianna

quiet. this time i want you to be quiet.




rating: 18+

sexual content, strong language, vulgarity


CHAPTER 8 - L or L


Summary: 2010, Saturn chosen to be a solis and he met some friends that loves to make music, also Keiv, a young boy that wants to make music together with Saturn

Status: Ongoing


Yeah, Keiv coming with his cute cute smile to the coffee shop.

He is taller than me even he 3 years old belows me.

i'm drawing random things on my sketch book while i'm waiting for him


Saturn: "hi umm Keiv? nice to meet you :]"

Keiv: "hi Saturn Senpai, so how are you?"

Saturn: "flat and foggy, how are you?"

Keiv: "ahhahaha, I'm fine, so you wants me to be the second solis right?"

Saturn: "yeah, and i wanna tell you the part of the songs u'll sing also :]"

Keiv: "i have no confident at all, and unfortunately i came to say sorry i cannot be the second solis :

Saturn: "uhh? why?"

Keiv: "the day for the Mini Concert will be the day that i have final exam preparation ..."

Saturn: "I see.."

Keiv: "also i plan to quit the Choir already..."


damn..what the hell


Saturn: "whyyy??? , u just nicely done the audition"

Keiv: "i feel lil bit can't merge with the people"

Saturn: "it's just the beginning, maybe you will after some times, i'm also not merge yet [coz i don't want to] , but trust me , at least I'm here for you, we'll doin it together"

Keiv: "yeah... maybe. but well.."

Saturn: (why you wanna go away, i want u so bad) "ok.. i think maybe it's ok for the mini concert coz of exam thingy, if u still love music maybe we can cover n make musics together"

Keiv: "realllyyyy???" [looks excited]

Saturn: "if u want. Henry and Yumi, the couple, they have a recording tools in their apartement and he can play guitar, so we can cover things there when u free"

Keiv: "i wannt!! yes, but please teach me :]"

Saturn: "awrite, don't worry, we'll doin it together"

Keiv: "can't wait for it, mm senpai, u love drawing too? wow, can u draw my face?"

Saturn: "can't make the realist one if in a place like this"

Keiv: "just make a fast comic cartoon face of me please"

Saturn: "ahahha ok" [drawing] "here"

Keiv: "thankyou!, ok then please call me when u wanna cover songs :]"

Saturn: "awrite"





since then i got his contact on fb, twitter, blackberry and bla bla bla

don't know whats wrong with me .. i'm always checking

what a stalker -_-

but kind of happy coz he always put my drawing as his profile picture.

on twitter.. his status seems like in some kind of probs

looks gloomy, and trying to cheer him self with his own quotes.


these stupidity on internet that time was really on so, well, it's a trend and people loves mumbling on the air, including me.


"if you found my heart on the floor, you can stomp it and kick it till it's broken"

"exam near, focus keiv, focus"


that was on his page.


i typed some too like "mini concert.. dammit"

and then he reply it: "i wish i can join it :'

i reply again: "focus on your exam first :]"


this Keiv really really looks so innocent , fresh, young, cute smile, charming

lovable and ... argh

why i should feel like this on a straight boys, it risk a lot.


mini concert ends , he never coming back.. i miss him.

i always afraid to chat or text to text with him coz i know it will be awkward.

worth trying

i msg him if he wants to record a cover song with me and yeah

he want ! my heart sounds like a drum


he don't know Henry's apartement so we met at a minimarket nearby, i drop there and buy some cigs

he arrive while I'm smoking

with his cute and charming smile he said "wait senpai i wanna buy cigarates also"

Saturn: "woops you smokin too?"

Keiv: "yeah, i know the choir rule about no smoker but well"

Saturn: "dont worry, Henry and Yumi don't care about it anyway"

Keiv: "nicee, ok shall we go?"

Saturn: "yups"


we did the song cover together until night inside Henry's room

Yumi seems sleepy so Yumi goin sleep first to her room, Henry said that me and Keiv can use his room

and he go sleep in Yumi's room.


my eyes always watching his face when he concentrate singing

and he becomes not focus like lil bit shy or not confident

so i said "let me do my part first after that u can do ur part, promise not lookin"

after i did my part i go to bed first and change direction to the wall so i pretend i ignoring him.

it works, he did it and i pretend that i'm sleeping.

infact i can't sleep with a cute freakin young teen beside me.

yeah. not only me. seems hard for him to sleep to.

i keep my positions to the wall ... till he flip his position to my back.

his breath sounds unstable.

i really hold my positions i dont wanna lose control.

the bad thing is ... that bed lil bit broken, it cannot handle weight on the middle side

so his body really sticking on my back..


it's kind of my behavior to sleep with boxer.. maybe that's my fault.

i'm awake with his legs on my laps in the morning.

this is just too hot and lil bit more i probably lose control so i put it away and wake him up

"lil bro , wake up. u have a class today?"

Keiv: "mmmh, "

Saturn: "wake up hey, don't be late"

Keiv: "yes.."

he wake up and prepare everything so fast, didn't even say goodbye while i'm still inside bath room


yeah in class i can't stop think about him

i stalk his status again

it said "move ur ass don't be lazy"

and then change again every minute like a confuse person.

so i write my stat "it's ok. don't think about it"

and suddenly he change "it's ok for you but not for me"

and he delete it next minute.





Choir training routines still on, so i still met him every Tuesday and Thursday

intime everybody become close and we always have a dinner together after that.

He seems very happy with our song that we upload to soundcloud and keep checking it.

that time some girls on the community seems attracted with me.

well i can feel that. ahhaha

also this Keiv becoming more close with me as a friend.

He lazy to use his motorbike that time so he always be with me on my motorbike.

there is a time when we have a dinner, i met one of a girl in choir

she is an interior designer so we talk alot about art

we chat till i didn't pay atention to the other till henry joking outside sayin: "Saturn, stop being too inlove with her, ur lil bro jealous"

Saturn: "what the hell, who jealous? hahah"

i'm looking at Keiv's face and he seems indeed ... jealous

he looks so pinchableeeee


after dinner on my motorbike he is soooo quiet

and i said

"this is already too late for me to drop you for taxi"

Keiv:"it's ok senpai you can drop me there"

Saturn: "also too late for me to go home"

Keiv: "how about you come to my house?"

Saturn: "may i?"

Keiv: "ofcourse, but i don't have a room"

Saturn: "it's ok i can sleep on sofa"

Keiv: "no , i mean my room is weird, like it doesn't have a door and messy"

Saturn: "better than i sleep outside right"

Keiv: "ok :], btw i have a preety sister"

Saturn: "ahahahaha is she single?"

Keiv: "yes! us sud met her, she is the same age as you"

Saturn: "ahahha " [i want you not ur sister]


so, i sleep in his house, but too bad, the bad is seperated like top and bottom slide.

nothing happened , and he introduce me to his sister.

also he said "senpai, if u have some drawing/painting homework or whatever and you want to do it here, you will always welcome to my house :]"

Saturn: ":] ma pleasure!"


more days.. more close

he seems more lazy to use his own motorbike and always wanting me to pick him up after his class and we go to the coffee shop together to talk and smoke

we also going to cyber caffee to play online game together.

that day the game name is "heroes of newerth"

something like dota.


so happy to be with him even well it's only brother.. not even with romance.

till... one night

we take a nap in my friend's house for vocal training.

there is so many people so i end up sleeping on the floor with him and one friend.

he sleep in the middle.

like usuals he seems so anxious.

i just sleep and makes my body at other direction.

the weather is cold so i stick my legs to his legs.

and he sounds more anxious.

moreover now he pull his body more closer to me and i can feel his breath on my back neck.

i feel like flying coz that spot is my weakness.

now my breath sounds unstable too.

what the hell is this.

i just too scare to do anything coz he is a st8.

i try so hard to calm down n sleep, counting sheeps, think about food, but worst

he stick his lips to my neck. i feel like.. ashdfgliqwuerhlojwhf

i don't know what to do so i just pretend that i still sleeping and snoring

but my hands holding his hand and my thumb stroke his finger gently like cuddling.


morning comes and his face looks like he is afraid and worry about it.

we train our vocal again and after he sings, i smile to him and i said "damn your voice is sooo nice Keiv"

and with a joking voice but looking to his eyes i said : "i think i'm inlove with you"


he smile. looks so happy, shy and relieved in the same time


well yeah after that he give me a song he said he loves to hear

the song name is 1 + 1 by a famous female artist

the lyrics so nice and i love to listen to that song again and again


there's one time i'm sick so i cannot go to choir training.

we just met inside online game.

we play together and there's a funny chat inside the game

i keep dying and the team scold me

my ingame name was: Kaiv [idk why that time i wants to make ID like him coz he use Keiv]

team: "hey Kaiv dont feed please, u seems don't know how to fight"

me: "well i don't know much about fighting but i..."

keiv realize that the words i'm saying is the 1+1 lyrics so he said

Keiv: "i'm gonna fight for you! LOL!"

me: "hahahahahahaha gotcha"

Keiv: "senpai, u're so flirty"

me: "what?? :>"

Keiv: "nothing"


weirdly after that game Keiv keep spaming chat in my phone

Keiv: "senpai"


"saturn senpai"

saturn: "yes lil bro"

Keiv: "nothing"

saturn: "lol"

Keiv: "senpai..."


saturn: "yes keiv"

keiv: "nothing"


Keiv: "senpaiiiiiii"




saturn: "...."

"yes i know. i love you too :] don't worry"

Keiv: "what??"

saturn: "hahahahaha, ignore me"

Keiv: "no are u serious with the thing that u said before"?"

saturn: "syalalalla"

Keiv: "u must met me tomorrow at the coffee shop"


i'm not reply


Keiv: "u must come! i want you to be responsible with that words"



saturn: "-_- i dont get it but i'm still sick you know"

Keiv: " i don't care. u gotta come! or we will never met again. i sleep now. endchat"


yeah, after saying that i can't stop smiling. I'm not worry at all. i feel like maybe he feels the same way. i don't care he is a st8 or whatever. i just feel happy beside him and thats it.

yeah.. i need to met him.


this time i try to come to that place first. it will be too awkward if i'm late and don't know how to act


i really don't know how to act

i cover my face on the table with my black jacket

he comes and sit down infront of me.




Keiv: "are u sure with what u said last night?"

Saturn: "... i just trying to said what i feel, if it's weird well just forget it"

Keiv: "no. answer me. u sure or not?"

Saturn: "..ugh. yes"

Keiv: "how can?"

Saturn: "how can i sure?"

Keiv: "i mean how can you feel that way to me, you said u loved me right senpai?"

"i'm asking you about it coz i wanna know that you sure about being inlove with same gender"

"coz now i wanna open up to you. I'm gay"

Saturn: "u sure? i can't see that"

Keiv: "yes i'm sure from last years.. i hate to admit it. I'm the only son in my family, i even discretely go to psycholog clinic just to make sure and asking how to stop"

Saturn: "i feel like this but i'm not sure i'm gay. i still can be inlove with girls too. i dont know"

Keiv: "i'm also surprised u said like that last night.. also happy but.. u said love... don't you think this is just a lust?"

Saturn: "i don't know Keiv.. what i feel is i'm happey whenever you around. i feel not lonely anymore"

Keiv: "i can't trust if this about love. all in my mind that this is just a rush feelings about lust and will be gone"

Saturn: "i can make you trust that i love you"

Keiv: "..."

"i don't know . thankyou senpai . i feel happy for we finally open. even i'm not sure"

Saturn: "don't worry :] it's a secret between us and nobody has to know"




after that day we always been more and more together

everytime between vocal training time we always glance at each other and smile

sometime sent stupid emoticon while the leader is seriously teach

flirt but yeah

we never do anything, just being happy together it's really feels like romance in a right way

till we can't take it anymore

the night when i take a nap in his house

he sleep at the upper bed and i said "i can't sleep"

he stroke gently to my hair and said

"don't be like this senpai.. please sleep"

i hold his arm and not saying anything. suddenly

he pull me up to his bed and being on top of my body.

he whispers "psssst, don't make any noise, my sister can hear"

i'm looking to his eyes and i just smile

he is losing his control and start kissing me all around from lips to ear

he start rubbing his things to my things slowly while playing with my tongue

it's so big it's so hard

everytime i moan he will cover my lips and whispers again "don't make any noise senpai"


to be continued

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You always finish a ch. when it gets more interesting. :p


I really enjoy the ch, the music, the drawing. Just perfect.

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The story is both hot and sweet! I'm eager to find all the details. rabbit16

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I like the story so much! I think they make such a good couple. :hamtaro-005 (8): I'm curious what are Keiv's real feelings: love or lust?

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