鼠ドル Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Skin against skin Your breath against my ear The friction between bodies - maddening We are getting lost in the rhythm Teeth against skin I bite your beautiful neck Your pain and your blood - intoxicating We are devoted to carnival lust Lips against lips Your whole body is shivering Your scream and moans - the sweetest We never wanted it to end I don't know where it came from, but it just did. So yeah. Be kind. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenovaVII Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (...) The friction between bodies - maddening (...) We are devoted to carnival lust (...) The composition of the piece is very nice; I like the wording you used. It's short but it's revealing, nonetheless, so it doesn't loose its charm. The parts above are my favorite sentences. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
鼠ドル Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you for your critique, Jenow, it's nice to know what I did right and what I could do better Perhaps one shoudl write more often at 3 am... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karin Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I like it a lot! So hot! :7yoyo10: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macys Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It is awesome! rabbit8I just saw all the images in front of my eyes! So hot! *nosebleeds* :Red_fox: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 . .WOW, that's supah ... speechless . .those words really AMAZE me . .really, (why can't i utter a word) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rei Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Nezu, awesome poem! And on top of everything, HOT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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