鼠ドル Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Skin against skin Your breath against my ear The friction between bodies - maddening We are getting lost in the rhythm Teeth against skin I bite your beautiful neck Your pain and your blood - intoxicating We are devoted to carnival lust Lips against lips Your whole body is shivering Your scream and moans - the sweetest We never wanted it to end I don't know where it came from, but it just did. So yeah. Be kind. 11
JenovaVII Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (...) The friction between bodies - maddening (...) We are devoted to carnival lust (...) The composition of the piece is very nice; I like the wording you used. It's short but it's revealing, nonetheless, so it doesn't loose its charm. The parts above are my favorite sentences. ♥
鼠ドル Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Thank you for your critique, Jenow, it's nice to know what I did right and what I could do better Perhaps one shoudl write more often at 3 am...
Macys Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 It is awesome! rabbit8I just saw all the images in front of my eyes! So hot! *nosebleeds* :Red_fox:
K Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 . .WOW, that's supah ... speechless . .those words really AMAZE me . .really, (why can't i utter a word)
Rei Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Nezu, awesome poem! And on top of everything, HOT!
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