Spotlight Redlight (gacktluvr x WolfDog) (18+)

[WolfDog12]

It was nice to hear that Mamoru was comfortable living the life that he was. It was good to see what he had no regrets about what happened or where he was now but at the same time, it sort of worried Shin that he still felt like something was wrong... Maybe it was Mamoru that wanted to talk about it? Wanted to tell his story... but why would he want to do that? Why would anyone want to do that? This was probably another social que that he was missing out on with his lack of social interaction. He couldn't understand someone wanting to confide in another. In fact, if it were him, he would much rather keep it to himself... Though that was probably another issue when it came to his mental state. Something like bottling it up would ruin anyone's emotional state.

 

"I don't know if you even like anime.... Though, I have been wanting to watch this for a while," He clicked into a movie without playing it yet. "It's called the boy and the beast.... I'm not really all that sure what it's about but it seemed interesting enough when I saw gifs of it online...." He admitted. Shin wasn't sure if he should play it or not... What if Mamoru didn't like it or got bored or something? Sure, he could just fall asleep or something but was that any good? Shin didn't want to show him something he didn't like or found boring in some way...

 

"Here, you should just pick a movie." He handed the remote to Mamoru and let him decide on what they were going to watch. At least that way Shin didn't have to and the pressure of trying to please another wasn't on him...

 

That was strange though, why would this unsocial idol actually want to please someone else? Well, he didn't want to be a burden anymore so maybe that was what this was about. He didn't want to be a bother anymore so instead he would just let Mamoru take the lead and would go with the flow. That had to be a lot easier than trying to know the other person and understanding what they liked... Was that called a social interaction? No wonder he avoided people.

[gacktluvr]

"Is there something wrong with anime that I should know about? True, I don't watch it all the time, but it isn't as if I have a problem with it. I like a lot of what I've seen..." Honestly he couldn't see why anyone would write off an entire subclass of entertainment so easily. It wasn't the same as disliking horror movies or slapstick comedy... Anime could fall into any number of genres, so to write off the entirety of it seemed pretty short-sighted. Like writing off silent movies, or black-and-white pictures. Although, he supposed there were probably people who fell into those categories as well.

 

Shin seemed to be having a real issue deciding what to watch, which was endearing in its own way. If he had persisted with this sort of waffling it likely would have gotten tiresome, but the remote pressed Mamoru's way stopped that pattern fairly quickly.

 

"We should just go ahead and watch what you picked out. It'll be new to the both of us, so there's no expectations." Looking the remote over so he didn't accidentally click something unfortunate he brought them back to the movie that Shin had been looking at a moment ago. "I think you'll find I'm actually pretty laid back outside of work. It's completely opposite to my image, I'm aware, but it's true." Raking bangs back from his face the dampness made most of them stick, clearing his view a bit more.

 

"I promise you, there isn't much I dislike."

[WolfDog12]

"Er... I don't think there is anything wrong with it and I don't particularly like when people write it off so easily but if you don't want to watch it I understand... It may not even be that it's anime but the genre...." Shin was confusing himself again as he felt he was starting to talk in circles... Still, it was so hard not to when he was trying so desperately to hold a conversation he'd already dug himself into a hole for. It was just difficult for Shin to see other things because he preferred anime over anything else. Sure, he could watch other things but would much rather watch a new anime every other day than to be a normal movie fan.

 

Mamoru took the remote and pulled up the movie again giving a quick explanation about him and what he watched. Shin nodded a bit still feeling unsure about it all and just let Mamoru press play on the movie. It came off as a bit slow to start but quickly began to build as the two sat there watching. It didn't take long for Shintarou to get fully into it and completely lose himself in the movie. Of course, when it ended he felt it was over all too soon. "I hope you liked it... I thought it was pretty cool," He explained.

 

The smaller male looked over and smiled gently towards his manager before knowing that they should get to bed. Shin had a really long day tomorrow and would have to get up early just to be able to get ready and get out the door as he had about 4 things planned just for tomorrow. He had singing practice in the morning, Stage practice after that, a meeting with the tour group again, and then dance class after that. It was a day pact with moving around and having to be seriously focused so he really couldn't be thinking about anything that happened today with the hospital or anything like that. Though, the battle right now was trying to make sure that Mamoru went to his bed rather than the couch where Shin was perfectly fine sleeping on. After all, he was known for his being able to sleep anywhere and his inability to wake up. So it was probably best that Mamoru got a good night's rest and woke to the alarm that Shin had a tendency to sleep through... every single time...

 

"Go take the bed, you'll be able to sleep easier there. I'm use to sleeping on this couch so you don't have to worry about me," he explained.

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru was torn between watching the movie and Shin himself, leaning against the armrest of the couch so he wouldn't have to move his head too much to switch between the two. It was nice to see Shin enjoying himself, almost more so than watching the movie itself. And honestly, he enjoyed the movie. It was a nice change after everything that had happened that afternoon, seeing Shin relaxed and happy as opposed to drowning in nerves.

 

"It was pretty good. I don't think I would have seen it if you hadn't shown it to me, so thank you." The smile on Shin's face would have been worth watching even a terrible movie for. There weren't any events he could cancel tomorrow, since they were all industry related, so seeing him relaxed was a great relief for the both of them he was sure. Hopefully he would be feeling just as well if not better in the morning.

 

"I could never force you to sleep on the couch of your own house. You need to get some good sleep. Rest well and I'll see you in the morning." Without thinking he reached out to rest a hand on Shin's head with a sincere smile. "I've slept far worse places than a couch, so I'll be alright. I'm stubborn about these things, so I'd just accept it. I'm not sleeping in that bed unless you're with me."

 

Shin needed to sleep on his own bed so he wouldn't be groggy or achy in the morning. It would probably help his nerves to be comfortable and sleep deeply tonight as well. Worrying about Shin was something that was automatic for him. He would always worry about the people close to him, unless they proved unworthy of his concern. He had lost his concern for Seo after today. He didn't care in the slightest about him or his bottom line--within reason of course. He needed Seo to be able to keep the two of them employed, and he didn't want him to come to any serious harm.

[WolfDog12]

"I typically sleep on the couch at least once a week if not more so you go to the bed and I'll stay here." Shin slipped down more and propped his pillow before curling up next to Mamoru on the couch. He couldn't get the blanket up with his manager sitting on it, but Shin could still lay down curled up. He wasn't going to lose this battle unless Mamoru scooped him up or dragging him to his bed. The idol yawned a little feeling surprisingly exhausted from the day. Of course, the stress of missing the CD signing and then being dragged to the hospital for a psych check, that would be enough stress to tiring anyone out.

 

"I know you're just trying to look out for me but I'm fine here and at least you'll actually be able to wake up to the alarm... Also, I'm glad you liked the movie." Shin struggled trying not to smile too much before he finally started to doze off on the couch. His body was use to being able to sleep anywhere at any time. Honestly, he slept like the dead in a moving car and a couch would be a hell of an upgrade from that.

 

About a minute later, Shin was already asleep. Worn out, it was easy for him to pass out where he was most comfortable. Amazingly enough, Mamoru's presence wasn't even enough to make him feel uneasy. In fact, just having someone as protective and as kind as Mamoru around was actually comforting. It put his mind at rest and the young idol was able to sleep even curled up tightly with his knees practically in his chest. This looked like a painful position but it really wasn't and was quite comfortable for the smaller male.

[gacktluvr]

"Just because you do it sometimes doesn't mean I feel any more comfortable taking your bed..." His argument seemed to fall on deaf ears, Shin curling up next to him seemingly without a care. It was surreal, seeing how quickly he could fall asleep in such a cramped space, Mamoru's hand still resting gently on his head. He seemed to have lost this battle of wills, the young idol having fallen asleep in the time it took for Mamoru to try and come up with an argument that might persuade him. He really could fall asleep anywhere, it seemed, which was a useful skill to have.

 

"You win, Shin-kun." Even though Shin seemed to be fast asleep Mamoru still whispered his surrender, standing up slowly so he didn't disturb him. Not that he didn't plan on disturbing him anyway. Carefully he moved to stand beside him, gently reaching to shift his position on the couch. Kneeling he set up his pillow before gently unfolding him from his curled up position so he could lay down in a way that wouldn't make him sore in the morning. Next he pulled the blanket up over him, making sure he was as comfortable as he could possibly be.

 

Even as tired as he was he made sure to make sure the food was put away before heading a little awkwardly to the idol's room. He had only been inside briefly before, and now that he took a look around he was starting to get that feeling again, starting to pick up what trash he saw without even thinking about it. He was too exhausted to do anything more than clean up trash, thankfully, throwing away empty boxes, bottles, and cans before moving to the bed with only the slightest lingering of hesitation.

 

This was what Shin had insisted on, so he shouldn't feel guilty about taking it. His hand had practically been forced here, so he should just accept his generosity. He set his own alarm about an hour ahead of what Shin had set, used to getting up several hours ahead of any scheduled event. He'd let Shin sleep in while he finished up his work for today.

 

For having such a dirty room, Shin's bed was actually pretty comfortable. Less messy than he anticipated, and having a pleasant smell...

 

Those were his pointless last thoughts before falling asleep.

---

"Shin-kun, wake up." Gently Mamoru shook Shin's shoulder once he heard the alarm buzzing from his room, still looking like a bit of a mess himself. He hadn't wanted to intrude, so his hair had only been brushed as well as his fingers could manage. It was still sticking up in places, his hair not entirely dry when he'd passed out, apparently. He still looked like he'd just woken up, even though he'd already had two cups of coffee and finished the apology he'd started the night before.

 

"You don't have much around for breakfast, so I need to know what you want to eat. Also need you to look over what I wrote last night. Since it has to do with you, I want you to see it before I send it out." He looked down at Shin with a soft smile, hoping he wouldn't startle him. If he was a slow waker, he might wonder what this old man was doing in his house. It wouldn't do to panic him...

[WolfDog12]

Shin didn't stir at all as he was moved into a different position. He just remained asleep like a log. Mamoru may have moved him and placed the blanket over him but Shin didn't even seem to notice. Not only did he fall asleep quickly but he fell into a deep sleep where he couldn't be bothered. Heck, someone could break into his house, and make lots of noise digging through his things and Shin wouldn't be the wiser... Not that anyone could get in, they had some tight security in this place.

 

The next day rolled on by and Shin remained asleep. Mamoru attempted to wake him with a shake on the shoulder and calling out to him slightly. However, Shin didn't bother waking. Sure, he shifted a little with a small grumble, but that was it. The singer couldn't be bothered. He was so use to hearing another's voice trying to wake him that he didn't care who it was. After all, for several years now, Managers had to get into his room just to wake him.. That's why Mr Seo gave every new manager a key right off the bat. He knew this was part of the job.

 

Words just seemed to keep coming from the one trying to wake Shin but he still didn't care. "Instant noodles are fine," he groaned sleepily, rolling to his other side and going right back to sleep. The idol needed more stimulation than a slight shaking and some gentle words to actually wake.

 

Once Mamoru finally managed to wake Shin, after a hell of a struggle, he sat up and yawned finally getting off the couch. "I trust you about whatever you wrote. Go ahead and send it.... also, I have a pack of instant noodles in that box over there near the counter. Pick whatever flavor you want," he said sleepily heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Shin still wasn't paying attention to who woke him up but he really didn't need to.

 

The idol disappeared in another door and went to the bathroom before taking a quick shower an waking himself up. He came out with just a towel around his waist and walked to his room realizing he forgot to bring clothes in with him. Not that it really mattered. Either way, he got dressed in comfortable clothes and used the towel to dry his hair as much as he could before tossing the towel over the door in his bathroom and walking back to the kitchen.

 

"Did you boil the water?" Shin asked looking at Mamoru.... That's right... this was a new manager he had just got... Why did he stay over again? Wow... he couldn't believe he let someone sleep over after only knowing him about a day or so. Shin had to really think about what made this man so different from all the rest.

[gacktluvr]

"Do I have to give you the cold water treatment again?" He seemed to wake up pretty easily when he'd done it yesterday, so it seemed like a viable option at this point. It had worked, at least. Far better than what he was doing now. Shin seemed to hate it, though, so he was reluctant to fall back on that tactic. Instead he stuck with hard-headed, stubborn persistence, continuing to shake him gently as he kept talking. He even sat beside him on the couch once he started to get tired, stopping his shaking when Shin responded to him. He seemed to be waking up, finally.

 

"I still want you to read it, just to make sure. I don't want to put something out there about you without you knowing what it says." He was honestly a little surprised to hear that Shin trusted him, and maybe a little happy, too. "And to be honest, I don't actually do the whole breakfast thing, but thanks for the consideration." He moved out of the way as Shin finally started to shift and stand, standing up himself and watching after him a little curiously. "Do you think instant noodles will be enough? You have some pretty intense training today. You could use some protein..."

 

He couldn't exactly pull something out of nothing, so instant noodles was about all he could do for the star at this moment. Maybe he'd grab something for him on the way to their first event, or between practices. Something more substantial than a pack of noodles and dehydrated vegetables...

 

Either way, he might as well get started. He could hear the sound of running water behind the closed door, heading over to the stove and starting a pot of water. He could use some more coffee himself, several packs of the instant stuff sitting beside the stove. He had grabbed a few from his car last night when he got the pizza. It was something like his emergency coffee rations, and since Shin didn't drink coffee he'd needed them that morning.

 

He only barely noticed as Shin came back out, getting himself another cup of water and pouring the contents of his personal life savers (coffee) into it. He was stirring when Shin spoke up, looking up from the darkening liquid and giving him a smile without stopping. "Should be enough for instant noodles, at least. I could make more if you wanted tea or anything."

[WolfDog12]

"That's alright, I don't really like drinking tea with instant noodles," Shin stated as he went into the fridge and pulled out a water bottle from the back. The idol then looked over realizing it was probably polite to offer a drink to Mamoru as well, however, he was already drinking coffee so there didn't seem to be a point. Besides, he could take whatever he wanted as far as food went, Shin didn't care.

 

The singer walked back over to the table and placed the bottle down as the kettle began to whistle. Shin walked over and poured the hot water into his cup of noodles and dehydrated vegetables before waiting for it all to soak up as he walked over to the table again to sit down. With a yawn, Shin asked, "What was the first thing on the schedule again?" he didn't like getting up at this hour and he wanted to make sure it wasn't something that he couldn't handle with his anxiety... Not to mention they would have to go to the local pharmacy at some point today to pick up his medication.

 

Just thinking about the fact that he finally had medicine to help him with his social anxiety was great but at the same time, he was very nervous and wondered if it would really help... Heck, it would probably just calm his nerves and make it easier to go out into public, it couldn't cure him of his fears... That was a therapist's job to try and do but he wasn't going to be seeing a therapist anytime soon.

 

Trying to shake the thought a bit, knowing it wasn't something he should be dwelling on because there was no way Seo-san was going to allow Shin to actually see a therapist... It would just completely ruin his schedule and with less time, the tour couldn't be planned and then that would be canceled and it would cost the company thousands if not millions of dollars. He said no once but at least Shin could try and work on it himself... Besides, he had Mamoru with him. He certainly was the most supportive person Shin had ever met.

 

"Today's going to be a rather long day... isn't it?" Shin said clearly unsure if he could manage the whole day. Still, he had to suck it up because today was all about the company and there was nothing that he could miss.

[gacktluvr]

"Aa, unfortunately." Mamoru took another drink of his coffee, sighing as it warmed him from inside. "Today is all industry work, at least. No public appearances or anything." He set his coffee cup down, pushing it aside slightly. "Choreography, staging, and dance practice is the first thing on your schedule, followed by vocal training. It doesn't sound like much, but you'll probably be at your first appointment for several hours. Are you sure you don't want something more substantial to eat? You'll be doing a lot of exercise..."

 

Mamoru would probably wind up grabbing him lunch between the two appointments, or just bring it to him in the short time he had to go between them.

 

"I'll get your medicine once the pharmacy opens, and I'll probably go see Mr. Seo while you're busy, too. Otherwise, I'll try to hang around as much as possible. I know how tiring it can be preparing for a concert." He took another drink of his coffee. "And don't worry, I'll keep the pills on me and give it to you while we're on the road. My windows are tinted so no one should be able to see you." Once they got through today things should be easier, since Shin wouldn't have to take the pills outside of the house. No paparazzo was going to check to see if Mamoru was carrying around pills they never knew he'd purchased. Especially considering it would be unusual for anyone to carry them around after having gone home once.

 

"While we're talking business, though, mind giving a listen to my idea? It's alright if you have your doubts, but I'd like you to hear me out."

[WolfDog12]

"I also can't eat too much or I'll throw up when moving around," he pointed out. Shin was use to not eating much. He had a cup of noodles in the morning, maybe a little something in the middle of the day, then one or two more cups of noodles in the evening and that was it. It wasn't healthy at all but that's just how he lived. It's how he'd always lived. "Oh, that's right we have left over pizza. I can have a slice of that before we go, that will work," he said almost excited by the memory of there being pizza last night. After all, he only had it when someone else ordered it for him and since he didn't go to social events, Shin didn't get to have pizza too often.

 

The young idol finished off his noodles and got up to grab himself another slice of cold pizza out of the fridge. Honestly, he didn't care what kind he grabbed and just grabbed a slice before beginning to eat it. Shin didn't heat it up or anything it just went from the fridge to his mouth but he actually enjoyed cold pizza. After all, a pizza was known to be good if you could eat it cold the next day.

 

"Concerts are hard but I actually like them... I mean... I don't like being in front of all those people or anything like that but I do like moving around on a stage and being able to just sing my heart out. If I could put on a concert without an audience... well I think I'd be alright with that," He admitted. Shin really felt that way too. He wanted to just sing as much as he could but didn't want to be around others for it.... That's why concerts were not only the best but the worst things for him all at once. "Anyway, I have to thank you again for everything that you've done for me.... and will do I guess." Shin was embarrassed to be saying these things but it was how he truly felt. He was so grateful and even now Mamoru seemed to be sticking his neck out for the young idol.

 

"I don't mind. Let me know what your idea is," Shin said sitting down again still eating his cold slice of pizza.

[gacktluvr]

"I suppose it's a bit late to be trying to change your mind now. You've already started eating, and you're absolutely right about not eating too much." He was glad to see Shin return to the refrigerator for a slice of pizza, even if it wasn't the healthiest of choices for him. Most of what he'd gotten last night had some meat on it at least, so he'd be getting a shot of protein to keep his energy up. Watching him eat, however, was another story. His stomach turned at the thought of something so greasy this early in the morning, a grimace coming unbidden to his expression.

 

He seriously couldn't handle the idea of breakfast, looking back at his computer to avoid making himself sick. He wouldn't be the one dancing today, so coffee was all the energy he needed to make it to lunchtime. It was also just about all he could handle. He didn't even want to think about the remaining doughnut that was sitting next to Shin's magical box of noodles, stale but probably still delicious. It was a vile temptress he'd almost fallen pray to upon first waking, but so far he'd resisted. If one of them didn't eat it today...

 

No. He wouldn't let it go to waste, but that was a story for later.

 

He cleared his throat to try and focus back on the conversation, and also to clear his mind of the image of Shin eating pizza. "Isn't that what today is, though? You know your choreographer, and you know me at least a little by now. I don't think the two of us really count for an audience, so I think it's alright to consider today a concert for no one. Enjoy singing and dancing to your heart's content." It was a relief to know that Shin wasn't the type to complain about practice, a sincere smile on Mamoru's face as he rested his head on his hand. If Shin could think of things in Mamoru's way, maybe he'd start to enjoy it even more.

 

"I've been thinking since yesterday that maybe we should set up something like a blog for you. I know it sounds pretty stressful, but will you hear me out?" He had a feeling Shin would protest based on the 'social' aspect of social media, but Mamoru had thought a lot about that as well. "When I say 'we,' I mean it. This would be a team effort, and you wouldn't have to talk to anyone but me. I'm not asking you to post long stories about your life or anything like that. You don't have to post anything. I want to start transitioning you from Mr. Seo's rigid schedule to one that works with you, and this seems like a good start."

 

Shifting a bit closer to Shin he turned his computer towards him, the apology he'd crafted still up on the screen for Shin to look over. "If the company approves, I'm going to be putting you on temporary leave for your condition. ...And by condition I mean 'exhaustion,' by the way, which is the official excuse I'll be publishing. If we can get you out of your more intimate public appearances, you'll have some time to adjust privately to your new medicine. The concert won't require you talk to anyone face-to-face, and it would be impossible to back out of now, so that will have stay." He sat back a bit so Shin could read what he had written, which was basically a public apology to his fans on both of their behalves for having missed his signing. He blamed Shin's absence on a fainting spell, caused by exhaustion, and assured everyone that Shin was doing everything he could to regain his health. He ended it with a reminder that Shin was doing his best for everyone's sake, and to support him in his time of need.

 

"If you're alright with it, I'd like to add a link to your new blog to this. It will be a way of showing your fans that you haven't forgotten about them during your break. I think the company will be more likely to give you the time off if you're still doing something to get yourself out there, so that's one bonus." His thoughts were a jumbled mess for the first time in years, unsure how to explain to Shin what it was he wanted to do without panicking him. Instead of giving a concise layout of his plan, the way Mamoru usually did, he had turned into a bit of a rambling mess. He was afraid at any moment that he might be the one to push Shin back into that fear from yesterday. His composure remained unbroken, however, voice coming out even and confident.

 

"I'll be doing all of the posting, unless you feel like writing something yourself. I'll have you read each post before it's published, of course, so nothing will go out there that you don't want people to know. I'll be focusing mostly on pointless information, but we can start feeding a proper persona out through your posts. If a game you're interested in is close to a release, we could post about how you're looking forward to it. Simple things like that. It builds a personal connection in your fans' minds. They'll get excited knowing you share something in common with them, and you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not to make them happy."

 

He sighed heavily as he finished his pitch, anxious about what it was Shin might say. Was this how Shin felt whenever he spoke to people? He could imagine how this sort of feeling would wear you down. It was the first he'd shown of his own anxiousness here, which was a testament to how new this sort of situation was to him.

 

"I won't be upset if you say no. I want you to be comfortable, first and foremost. That's my most important job."

[WolfDog12]

Shin got even quieter than usual when the blog was brought up. That was just terrifying to think about. Anything posted online would be there forever and the media would tear even the most innocent apart with that. He'd at least seen that much done... That was part of the reason he refused to so much as play a game online. Just the thought of it was scary enough to send a shiver down the young idol's back. Still, he managed to keep his mouth shut even if for the moment just to listen to what his manager had to say. Though... it wasn't sounding any better in Shin's eyes. The only comfort that came from what Mamoru was saying was the fact that he planned on helping as much as he could taking Shin through it basically every single step of the way.

 

"I'm just afraid of what the media might say.... also... about me taking time off..." Shin looked really frustrated as he searched for the words he wanted to use. "You see... if anyone see's me go anywhere near work then they'll know it's a lie... I can't just skip out on public appearances and besides, there's less than a week until the concert... Maybe I should just forget about it... I won't even start the medication... It might have some bad side effects... plus I have to work on getting ready to go on tour soon!!" He hated things to change too drastically and the more his manager tried to push him, the more Shin seemed to be retreating within his shell.

 

None of this really sounded like something he could do and yet, Shin wanted to please or at least give his new manager the benefit of the doubt... The biggest problem that they faced was time. He had a concert soon, he already had an image from all his past years of work and he had a world tour going on soon that he had to attend. None of what he had were things that he could just step away from... It wasn't uncommon for singers to take breaks but for someone like him who was only just building up his stardom was going to send the media into a tailspin thinking that he was too weak to handle the pressure of being a star and all the other celebrities out there would shun him for stepping into the business without being ready to actually take part in it... After all, this wasn't for everyone.

 

"I can't leave the business for anything... not for something like that.... if I go on a normal vacation it would make sense if I was going with family or away on spring break as most my age do.. then it wouldn't be a big deal but as of right now... if I leave because I was exhausted everyone will hate me and see just how weak I am... Please... I can't do this!!" Shin felt like he was going to cry.... this pain was another emotion that Shin wasn't use to.... damn... He was so good at sealing away his painful feelings and after just a day he felt two emotions he thought he'd gotten rid of. Loneliness and sadness were so hard for him to swallow.

 

Shin suddenly stood up and made sure he had everything to leave and grabbed his iPod again so he could just listen to music to and from. "Can we just leave now?" This was so painful for him and Shin was so not use to holding back emotions since he no longer felt them. A couple tears slipped from his eyes that he quickly wiped away feeling sick to his stomach.... He wouldn't wish feelings like this on anyone... though he was probably hyper sensitive not being use to them.

 

The idol got in the back seat of the car and quickly put his headphones in just trying to block out his emotions all over again. Though, a lot of his songs seemed to make things worse. Why did he even have songs like those... wait... did he always have these songs? Was he that unaware of them?! Damn it.... Now he had to tiptoe around his only escape because a certain song could put him in an even worse mood. SHIT!

 

Shin retreated so far into himself that the whole car ride was filled with silence and he couldn't even bring himself to get out when they came to a stop. This was a walk he'd made a million times and yet, it seemed so much harder today. He had cried for the first time in years and now he was suppose to go out with his puffy red eyes and see people he saw rather often? 3 times a week in fact, sometimes more. What would they think about him when they saw him in this state? Oh god was he ashamed of himself.

[gacktluvr]

"The media isn't quite as scary as you seem to think, Shin-kun. Tabloids are out there, sure, but hardly anyone takes those seriously. Reputable magazines--the type your fans would be buying--wouldn't publish anything negative about a rising star. The damages they could do to an entertainer's image could earn them large fines and drive them out of business." Mamoru watched Shin as he spoke, not wanting to say anything that would upset him any more than he already had. "If a magazine printed something negative about you, we at the agency would pull any contracts we had with them. They'd be shooting themselves in the foot by making your agency mad. Other agencies, seeing what they did to you, would also stop signing contracts out of fear of being treated similarly. To put it simply, the magazine would go out of business if they wrote anything negative."

 

Shin seemed far too focused on the few remaining tabloids out there and not on real, legitimate magazines. The sorts of magazines Mamoru wanted to try and push him towards. Pop Beat, Arena37, etc. The biggest issue they were going to have to tackle was Shin's fear of the media. He had an irrational fear of scandal that would likely never come to pass. It wasn't as if negative press meant his career was over.

 

"Shin-kun, have you ever seen an American movie with Angelina Jolie before? Or Brat Pitt? How about heard a Britney Spears song? Or AKB48? All of them have had negative press and scandals before, you know. And yet they still have careers. They still make money and release movies or albums. L'Arc~en~Ciel also faced scandal early in their career, and they continued to sell well for years afterwards. The media isn't nearly so powerful, if you have a manager that knows how to handle it. Do you think you could trust me? I can handle the media, so you don't have to live in constant fear of them."

 

 

Mamoru could take the hint as Shin stood, closing his mouth almost immediately and standing as well. Shin seemed torn about this whole thing, which was not what Mamoru had intended. He had hoped that offering to do most of the work for him would put Shin's mind at ease, and while that had seemed to help he still seemed upset about the whole thing. It would be best to let him alone for now. They could talk again some other time, but Mamoru would be careful not to bring up anything that might upset him. It was not just bad for business, but he felt bad upsetting him at all. Shin obviously needed support right now, and Mamoru wanted to give it to him.

 

He was quiet as he followed Shin out to the car, driving to work without even trying to converse with him. He didn't want to force him out of his shell, but carefully help him break out of it on his own. If Shin wanted time to himself then that's what Mamoru would give him, faithfully driving him to work without a word. It wasn't until he had parked the car that he turned back to look at his young employer.

 

"I'm not suggesting you leave the business. I want you to be successful every bit as much as you do. Work hard today and have fun doing the things you enjoy. Try and relax, and I'll take care of everything stressful. You can leave things to me, I promise."

[WolfDog12]

Maybe he really was thinking about it too much. Shin was nervous to say the least but he just couldn't help it. How was he suppose to just get over this phobia and just accept the new rules... How could he just pull away from work or risk letting people know about the real him. Shin just couldn't agree with the idea when he just was so unsure about the media and what it could do to him. The young male wished he could just push his fears out of his mind and just go along with these things... or even just trust his new manager enough to take care of things.

 

Though, Mamoru did have some good points about how even negative media couldn't destroy his career, that didn't make it any easier to swallow. "I don't know... Can I just think about it a little longer?" His voice was weak with his dry throat. Shin wanted to give it a try but would have to think it through some more... Though he would have to be careful because he might just end up thinking himself out of it. What could he do? Shin opened his mouth slightly as if trying to decide on what to do but he closed it again and bit the bottom of his lip.

 

As they made their way to the car, it was harder and harder for Shin to get off what was on his chest. Eventually, he got to the point where he just didn't want to talk anymore and the car ride was completely silent. Shin was absolutely ashamed of himself and didn't want to get up or to go out to work... "C-can I go home?" He whimpered quietly. Shin forced himself out of the car and actually walked really close to Mamoru as they walked into the studio.

 

"Ok... I trust you..." his voice cracked a little and Shin couldn't even look up. He just stared at the ground for a while as he made his way to where he needed to go. One he made it to the door, Shin let Mamoru know that he could take care of it from here and walked into his dance room just needing to be around someone who would help him focus on something other than media or any other kind of work. Even his dance instructor didn't seem to make mention of his puffy eyes and just focused on making sure that he was dancing properly... Of course, his movements were stiff.

 

About a half hour in, the instructor had Shin take a seat and drink water while she went out to ask Mamoru about what was going on. "I don't think he's ever been like this before... Is there anything important I should know to be able to help him or otherwise he may as well go home or he might hurt himself or get into the habit of these stiff movements." The woman was very concerned about him getting hurt while dancing.

[gacktluvr]

"If you want more time, that's fine. And if you end up deciding not to do it, that's fine, too. We're trying to find something more comfortable for you, so there's no sense in forcing yourself to do something if you don't want to." While Mamoru personally thought it was a great idea to try and get Shin out there in a relatively anonymous way, it was up to the singer whether he wanted to do it or not. If Shin wasn't comfortable with it than he may as well keep doing things the way they had been. This was intended as an improvement.

 

The silence in the car was uncomfortable, to say the least, but Mamoru wasn't sure how to break it. Shin had wanted time to think, and had shut himself off with headphones in his ears. It would be difficult to start a casual conversation without disrupting Shin. Instead he turned his own music on softly, trying to at least break the silence with some sort of noise. Even if they weren't talking, it didn't have to be completely silent between the two of them.

 

"I'm afraid I can't yield today. You'll be with people who care about you, so I'm sure you'll feel better soon enough." Missing a public appearance was one thing, but missing out on crucial practices for an upcoming tour was something else entirely. Mamoru would never hear the end of it if he wound up spoiling Shin and put him behind schedule. And he was sure being behind would only cause Shin's anxiety to rise even higher, worrying over whether or not he would make a fool of himself in front of so many people. Industry days were days Shin would just have to push through, no matter whether Mamoru fixed his public image or not.

 

He smiled a bit as Shin said that he trusted him, resting a hand on his shoulder for a moment. "I'll do my best to keep it. I'm certain I've told you this before, but if you ever need anything, do let me know. So long as it's nothing harmful, I'll always be happy to help." His job was to look after Shin, and it was something he was always proud to do. To betray his trust was something Mamoru would never forgive himself for.

 

When Shin crossed the threshold from hallway to dance room, Mamoru lingered outside with a polite wave, giving a quick bow to the instructor as she looked back at him. "I'll be leaving Shin in your care for a short while, so please look after him." Once pleasantries were out of the way Mamoru returned to his car, driving to a nearby pharmacy to pick up the medicine that had been ordered. Thankfully this place opened early, meaning he could come now, while Shin was busy.

 

"Something you should know?" Looking back into the room where Shin was sitting Mamoru thought for several moments before turning back to the woman who had approached him. "I think I was a little too forceful this morning, so he may be worried about what happened. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a fight, but things were a bit tense on the way here." He turned the can of coffee in his hand as he spoke, not wanting to talk about any of Shin's private issues with this person. It was up to Shin to decide who knew and who didn't know, so he would remain quiet.

 

"If you're thinking of sending him home anyway, could you lend him to me for a bit? Perhaps a bite to eat and some company will help him focus better. I'll try not to cut too much time out of your practice." If he could get Shin to the car he could slip him a dose of his medicine. There weren't any worrying side effects listed on it, except for drowsiness and nausea, and Mamoru didn't plan on leaving the building again until Shin was finished. If he started to look sick, he would be sure to step in. He could always blame it on exhaustion, the same as he had yesterday. He and Shin were the only people who knew otherwise.

[WolfDog12]

"We don't have the luxury of sending him home early and this isn't helping one bit either. Clearly, he can't be around you right now seeing as you two had a falling out... odd but understandable, he's not the easiest to work with but he does work hard. Anyway, I certainly hope he ate something this morning or today is just going to get worse for him," she teased with a smile and headed back in. She knew that Shin was really looking for the distraction from this morning but it wasn't working out the way he'd hoped so of course, the instructor had to think of something else to help him forget and bring his head in the game. "Sorry, but you can't have him until we're done here. I'll try to get his brain back to where it should be."

 

With that, the instructor walked in again and grabbed her phone out of her bag and began to show something off to Shin. It was her brand new fluffy kitten. She went on and on about how cute and amazing this kitten was and Shin seemed fully focused on her every word. After nearly five minutes of this, She clapped her hands and kept all the focus on the upcoming tour. It seemed the young idol really did forget what was going on and was able to go on enjoying his dancing, actually moving a lot more comfortably. It was a complete success and several hours later, Shin walked out, panting, sweating, and stinking. It was now well past lunch time and there was less than an hour before Shin had to be at his vocal training.

 

It wasn't until he looked at Mamoru again that he thought all about what happened that morning and just looked down at the ground. Shin didn't say a thing just yet and just stood off to the side for a minute. "Go take a shower kid, you deserve one," The instructor called. "And maybe you should get yourself a cat, or even a dog. A dog will help you get outside a little more so you can get some nice exercise and vitamin D." She pat Shin on the shoulder and glanced over to Mamoru. "Bet you didn't know he absolutely adores animals." She winked at the new manager before heading off herself.

 

"I'll shower here... before I go anywhere else..." He said. Of course, Shin's brain wasn't on food on bit as he made his way to the showers in one of the lower levels of the building as he got ready to head to vocal practice. This was where one of Mamoru's biggest challenges came in; knowing if Shin had lunch or not and making him have something before vocal practice. He was stubborn and was fine without eating but that would only cause problems in the next appointment. For now he simply disappeared towards the showers that were currently empty. Just how he liked it.

 

The young idol took a very fast shower and returned upstairs making his way to get himself something to drink. At least he took care of his water situation or he wouldn't be able to sing and of course that would mean there was no point. He could hurt his throat and have to take time from work or worse have to have surgery or something... Though that was going to the extreme.

[gacktluvr]

"I wouldn't go so far as to call it a 'falling out,' either..." He looked genuinely concern as he tried to think of how best to explain what had happened. "I just started work talk too early this morning, but he did eat so he shouldn't have any sort of physical problem." A polite smile was on his face again as he spoke, returning to his business persona. The two of them weren't as closely related in this business as he and Shin were. He didn't need to get close to her. A professional relationship was enough. If they happened to grow close, that was fortunate, but not necessary.

 

"I would appreciate it if you could lighten his mood for me. I'll be out here if you need me for any reason." He was honestly surprised at the ease with which she managed to fix Shin's problem, watching practice from his spot waiting outside. It was something he couldn't manage, which honestly irritated him a little bit. He wanted to be able to help Shin in more ways than just managing his schedule. It was made even worse when the sight of him seemed to make Shin feel awful all over again.

 

"I don't think there's anyone that doesn't like animals, but it's nice to know. Thank you for the information." He wasn't sure what else he should say without possibly upsetting Shin. He tried to be sincere with Shin, but professional with the other industry people he would be working with. It was hard to be both of those things at once, so he opted not to speak too much. Obviously Shin wasn't in the mood to talk, either, quickly excusing himself to the showers.

 

"So...food. Did you want to go get sandwiches or something before your next appointment? I thought something light would work better for you." He waved with a friendly smile as Shin came back upstairs, standing from his spot to walk over to him. "You can relax, you know. There's nothing you need to worry yourself over. I'm not going to be upset with you no matter what."

[WolfDog12]

The young idol was quick with his shower but they still didn't have a lot of time for lunch before he had to get to his next appointment. The only good thing was that it was in the same building. Even then it was in a much lower level where there weren't any windows and they had a better chance of sound proofing the room. It certainly helped with the sounds and vocals when they were able to take care of any and all outside noise. Though, the recording studio was rather far from the food court which they actually had on the third floor of the building... On the other side of course.

 

"Sandwiches are fine," he stated still looking down at the ground. Shin had no confidence in himself and he was more afraid of his future, the blog and having to take medicine than he was about their actual back and forth exchange. The young idol was just so scared of everything that he really wanted to back out and let everything go to the normal amount of stress he was use to... Though that wasn't much coming from the fact that he was always so nervous and struggled just to make a public appearance. He needed to get better... Not worse...

 

"Before I go down stairs is there enough time to post something online? I want to get this over with if I can and see if that helps me relax even just a little," he explained. Shin was shaking he was so scared about this but maybe if he made a post on twitter... as soon as he made an account and just said something about what he was eating or working on... Or even that he was feeling better from yesterday and just danced it off... Maybe that could be his baby step towards a more intimate relationship with his fans. Though, he was unsure if this would work or help in any way... He just hoped it would help him be less afraid...

 

"I should probably make a twitter account first right?" Twitter was a good place to start because it was made for short posts for what felt like utter nonsense. Still, despite the character cap, Shin was afraid to even use one character. What if he said something too weird for his fans to like him? Wait.... wasn't that why Mamoru was here? He knew exactly what to do and what to write. He could probably write something that actually sounded more like the image they were trying to create for Shin.

[gacktluvr]

"Did you want to get something here or would it be faster to go out and get it?" He wasn't used to working in this building, and wasn't perfectly familiar with the surroundings, either, so he truly was clueless. He had a vague idea, of course, but Shin was probably far more knowledgeable than he was. He'd have to rely on Shin's knowledge for the time being, until he got more accustomed to this place. Gently he placed a hand between the young idol's shoulder blades, trying to reassure him as best he could.

 

"If you have your phone with you, we can go ahead and register while we eat. It's pretty simple, and you can even just post a picture of your lunch to start. You don't have to do anything too profound with it." Gently he rubbed Shin's back, smiling at him softly. "Let's go get you something to eat. Don't want you working too hard and passing out." He decided to stick with what was here in the building, since he couldn't be sure how bad traffic would be. It wouldn't be good for either of them if they got caught in a jam.

 

"Don't worry too much about all of this. You won't have to post anything too personal, and you don't even have to read re-tweets or anything. I can handle that, although I imagine most of what you'll be receiving are well-wishes from people worried about your exhaustion."

[WolfDog12]

Shin felt the reassuring hand on his back and was happy about it... at least, he didn't run away. He didn't smile or even look up from the ground but he accepted the gesture anyway. It was surprisingly comforting to get a pat on the back like that but Shin was still worried about a lot of things. "It'll be faster to go out to get something," He explained and pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt as well as pulling out a pair of sunglasses and putting those on. Shin had to make sure he was perfectly undercover when planning to go outside even if it was only across the street.

 

"There is a small sub shop just across the street from here. It doesn't look like much from the outside but they have the best subs in the city," Shin explained. "Also, going out will help us be able to get back in and to the stairs quickly enough." Shin seemed to be feeling much better and was able to actually have a conversation again. Of course, he still wouldn't look up but this was the first step.Had to start somewhere.

 

The two headed out the front door nearby and safely crossed the street to the small looking sub shop. He stopped at the door though noticing there were 6 other people in the shop... not just the one man Shin had managed to order from. "M-Maybe we should eat at home..." He stated to back off and stepped towards the door again. Heck, the young idol wasn't even up for eating at the food court at work. He was all too willing to skip lunch entirely and just have dinner when he got home... He'd have to bring instant noodles to work next time so he could just go get hot water and be done. This was a lot more stressful... To the point where Shin was starting to go into a full anxiety attack.

 

His vision blurred and started to go dark, he was hyperventilating pretty bad now and his chest started to really hurt him. Shin wanted to drive home right this instant but that wasn't going to happen. He grabbed onto Mamoru's shirt just as he was about to pass out. His anxiety attacks weren't easy anything to sneeze at, that's for sure.

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru wasn't entirely sure what to do when the two of them got closer to the restaurant, looking over at Shin with obvious concern in his eyes. What were you supposed to do in a situation like this? Did he need space, or should he hold onto him? For several moments he just stood there awkwardly, doing a decent job of at least hiding Shin's attack from the strangers inside the store. He didn't want to cause a scene out here, as that would only be worse for the young idol's anxiety. He wanted to avoid making it worse at any cost.

 

He was quick to act as Shin clung to his shirt, pulling him close so he wouldn't fall and hiding his face against his chest. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." They probably looked strange like this, but Mamoru wasn't even thinking about that. He just wanted to keep Shin from freaking out any more than he already was, holding him secure but without squeezing him.

 

"Close your eyes and breathe. We're going back to the car once you're a little less shaky, alright? You don't have to talk to anyone but me." He spoke in a soft, low voice, gently rubbing his hand over Shin's back. He wasn't entirely sure how to comfort him at this moment, awkwardly enacting general solutions he knew from when others were feeling upset. This was something different, he knew, but he could only do what he knew right now.

 

Slowly he managed to get the two of them back to the building, heading for his car and opening the door for Shin to get inside. "It's private in here, so no one will bother you. You don't have to worry about anyone else..." He'd kept Shin pressed against him the entire way here, gently separating the two of them as he stood in front of the door. "I'll figure something out, so don't worry. I've got everything under control. You're safe."

 

He hoped he was doing the right thing...

[WolfDog12]

Thankfully, Mamoru covered the young idol, shielding his face from the other people and making it easier for him to not think about where he was and what he was doing. It was almost like he'd forgotten that he was sick until faced with his anxiety head on. Though, Mamoru's soft voice and gentle heartbeat kept him from completely losing it. The support was nice and it only took several minutes for Shin to finally manage to calm down. He breathed in and out, focusing on the voice and heartbeat.

 

Finally, he managed to calm down enough for them to leave the sub shop and head back to where the car was. Once he was back inside the car, Shin managed to relax his muscles and sit back with his eyes closed just completely relaxing his body. "Thank you Mamoru... For your first time, you did a really good job," he said with a half smile. He had known from his manager's heart beat that he was also nervous and unsure what to do. After all, there was no other idol out there like him. Sure, some acted shy or got nervous getting on stage but none had full anxiety attacks just walking in a sub shop or trying to deal with another human being.

 

"I'm sorry for that... I forgot just how stressful something like that could be... I shouldn't bother with lunch... The next appointment is singing anyway... Not to mention as an idol, I shouldn't have bread or anything like that..." Now he was bring up what an idol should or shouldn't have? If he stuck by that then he wouldn't be able to eat any more noodles which was pretty much all he ate at the moment. "Please don't be angry with me..." that was the last thing he said as he looked like he fell asleep or something. In reality, he was awake just shutting everything out for the moment to recollect himself and prepare himself for his singing lessons.

 

Another ten minutes went by and Shin finally got up to get going. It was time for him to get to where he needed to be for work. He had barely ten minutes left and just getting to the studio was going to be a pain. He got out of the car and refused to take his pill yet. He just stayed close to Mamoru as they headed back in the building towards the elevators.

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru followed Shin into the car, closing the door behind him so that the two of them were perfectly closed off from everyone else. Gently he reached out to stroke Shin's head slowly, running fingers through his hair. He didn't say much at first, just giving him a chance to relax and calm down a bit. "I'm not angry with you," he answered with a soft smile, continuing to caress his hair. "I'm worried, which is something else entirely. Next time we'll just go ahead and order lunch. I'll pick it up so you won't have to deal with the driver or anything."

 

"As for your diet, I don't care too much about stuff like that. You work hard and burn it off during practice. It would be nice if you had a healthy diet, but your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Cutting you off from the things you enjoy isn't a good thing, either." He laughed softly, relaxing a bit in his seat himself. "When I was an idol, I used to obsess over sweets. I still do, but I'm hardly an idol anymore."

 

He went silent as Shin seemed to fall asleep, letting him rest. If Shin needed to rest, that was what Mamoru would let him do. It was too bad he couldn't eat before his practice, but there just wasn't enough time. Even if he placed an order now, by the time it got here Shin would have no time to eat. He'd have to think of something else that might help, silently wracking his brain as he continued to pet the exhausted singer in front of him.

 

He remained quiet as Shin awoke, checking his watch a moment before nodding and following after him. It was definitely time to go, and he stuck close to Shin as they started on their way back to work. "Hey, are you allergic to anything?" he asked after a short walk, one hand in his pocket as the other rested on Shin's shoulder in a silent reminder that Mamoru was there for him if he was needed. "It won't fill your stomach, but nuts have protein and should at least keep your energy up until we can get you home. There are some in the vending machines around here, so we've got time for that much at least."

[WolfDog12]

The head petting that Mamoru gave to Shin were soothing and made it easier for him to drift off into his own world again even without his music in his ears. That was such a rare thing and yet, Mamoru was probably the first manager to take this job seriously enough to be able to do something like this and help him find a place where he felt safe and just think, drifting away. Shin would have to remember to seriously thank Mamoru later for this one.

 

Heading back in, the young idol looked back at the mention of the allergies and nuts. "I'm not actually a fan of nuts," he admitted solemnly. Shin knew nuts were an excellent source of protein but he just couldn't stomach them. He hadn't found a single nut that he actually enjoyed eating just in nut form. He loved things like Peanut butter and pistachio ice cream but he just couldn't eat a straight up nut... or legume since that's what peanuts were.... Thankfully he liked things like oats... Wait, that's it.

 

"Doesn't that vending machine also have granola bars? I'll grab one of those before heading down," Shin said as he rushed over to the vending machine. When he got there, he found that the machine was out of order and they didn't have any more of his favorite granola bar... He knew he should have skipped today. "Forget it..." Shin sounded hopeless as he grumbled about this ending and just went straight for working on his songs. Clearly he was having a really bad day by this point. After a rocky start, things started to look better during his choreography only to result in no food, a close call on a panic attack, and walking in the door to the recording studio, Shin accidentally cut the corner too quickly and smashed his shoulder in the door frame... Each second seemed to be worse than the last.

 

Trying his best to shake it off, Shin got in the booth with his recorder and he wanted Shin to just sing a certain way and they would see how well his sound carried, and they were going to be working on a song that Shin had little practice with so he was still making lots of mistakes. Even from the outside, where no sound could escape the door, through the window Shin looked like he was in pain, stopping in the middle of the song again and again to the point the singing manager flipped and threw papers everywhere screaming.

 

Shin flinched when the papers scattered and covered his ears as he bent down to hide from the scary man who was throwing a fit. This usually never happened and this man was fairly use to dealing with Shin but right now it was all bad. After several minutes, the man calmed down before going into the booth and trying to talk reasonably with Shin who finally came into view again when he stood up. He still had tears in his eyes and he looked like an absolute mess. Which just made the manager stop and hand Shin a sheet of music paper and a pencil letting him write out his frustrations for now while the man stepped out to where Mamoru was.

 

"Damn... He's really off today," The man commented clearly still bringing his blood pressure down.