The Puppet Master (A Late Night Yaoi Creation)

[LadyKeya]

Okay so I am up late and all my best ideas happen when I am awake late at night. I hope you enjoy this short yaoi fiction. I'm kinda nervous to see what people say or think about it. I'm not sure about this so if I make any mistakes as far as posting please let me know. Goodnight and I hope you enjoy this late night creation! :cuteonion53:

 

 

 

 

The same mindless chatter, same mindless people and boring conversations about everything and nothing. Tck, I'm so tired of this shit. How much more? Everyone always talking about lifeless, dull and meaningless things. No context, no depth, nothing but empty laughter at the same boring jokes. If it isn't that, then it's always drama. Someone got hurt so let's fawn over them and treat them like gold when really they are shit! It's always him! His problems! His stress! HIS MIND NUMBING DRAMA! The way he acts during times of this so called "crisis", he acts as though he is the only one in the world who has ever felt pain. Tck! You know nothing of pain! You know nothing of hell! Everyone always wonders why I become so angry when he has something traumatic happen. As if I am the selfish one! Selfish? Really?! I would love to show him the immeasurable pain I have felt so he would know what hell really is. I complain about this group of people and their mindless chatter constantly. Why don't I ever leave? Because being alone with my thoughts is a dangerous game that I am unwilling to play. When I am not with this motley crew of boring individuals, I am always on the prowl for someone to sate my sexual appetites and take my aggressions out on. One day I will be his aggressor, showing him the pain and hell he thinks he has lived through and when he is begging me for more I will leave him with his own devices, I'm no ones puppet and I will not obey on command. He however will be my puppet on a string. Someone I can string along until they are used up and discarded. I'm always breaking my toys when I get angry, he will be no different. Of course I will document all of this and when his precious group clings to him like a baby in a cradle, consoling him from his drama, I will show them what he really is. It's always fun to ruin people's perspective of someone they think they know so well. Then maybe I can cut all ties to these mindless people and find some new entertainment that is less anxiety riddled. Although, sticking around to see how fast his house of cards falls to the ground does sound quite intriguing. Maybe by then he will beg me to lie to them about what I have shown them.......nah, that won't happen because I don't bend to whims of whiny ass bitches. It would be fun to watch him grovel though.

 

 

"Hey! Earth to Yuuki?" I was snapped from my thoughts of grandeur by the sound of one the groups puppy dogs. "Get your damn hand out of my face Jin!" I shout as I push his hand away. Shaking his hand as if I hurt him deeply, he winced from the sting of my slap. "Ouch! What's with you?" He replied to my protest. "Nothing." I say as I take a pocky from the box in my hand. "Kyo is having issues again." He said as I bite down on the pocky. "So, not my problem. It's always something with that guy. If it isn't something about stress, he's going on about his brother Byou." I said as my words were muffled by the pocky I was eating. "Ease up Yuuki, he's been through a lot." Jin replied as he propped his leg up on the picnic table. "Give me a break..." I mumble as I stand up from my chair and walk toward the restroom sign in the crowded mall. "Oi! Where are you going? We're suppose to go see a movie!" Jin shouts as I kept walking. "Don't worry about me, why don't you console the crybaby?" I said as I came close to the door of the restroom. Walking in I am greeted by two other guys who are leaving the restroom. They kept looking back at the stall at the end as I walked past them. I could hear someone but the stall was unlocked. I pushed the stall open to see Kyo sitting on the edge of the toilet with his head in his hands. "What's the problem?" I said nonchalantly as if I don't give a shit, which I don't. "I had to get away from the group, I'm tired of everyone pawing on me when I have a problem." He said as he sat up to look at me. I let out a chuckle as I leaned on the stall door. "What's so funny?" He asked in a serious tone. "Funny, looks to me like you enjoy it, attention whore." There goes my brain to mouth filter again. "What did you say?" He said firmly as he stood up. "You heard me." I said with a stern look. Without a word, Kyo grabbed my collar and turned me toward the stall, shoving my back into the wall of it. "You think I like the attention? Like I want to be told every second of every goddamn day that everything will be fucking fine?" He shouted as I glare at him. The stall door closes on its own as silence over takes the restroom. "You seem to enjoy it. Awww, poor Kyo, what will he do? His brother is an asshole who treats him like shit for even existing!" I said in a mocking tone as Kyo glared daggers at me. "Fuck you Yuuki!" He said as tears fell free. I chuckled as he kept a grip on my collar. "Go ahead, hit me if it makes you feel better. You'll just be doing the same thing that he does, only I don't cry like a bitch!" I shout as he punched me in the jaw. "You don't get it!" He cried as he shook my collar. "What is there to understand Kyo? Tell me all about your problems because I am dying to know!" I said in a sarcastic tone. He punched me once more for good measure as he let go of my collar, buried his face in my shirt and ran his hands down my chest as they fall to his sides. "My brother raped me!" He shouted as he look up at me. Hearing his words I reach to touch his face. "Don't fucking touch me!" He shout as he pushed my hand away. I lean up from the wall of the stall and push him back to the other wall. "Say it again!" I said as I stood in front of him. I reached for his shirt and unbuttoned each button. "I said don't fucking touch me." His tone softer as he pushed my hands away. Grabbing for his shirt again, I unbutton the rest of the buttons revealing his chest. "Get your hands off me!" He shouts as he tried to walk away. I quickly push him back, put my weight on his body, and lean into his ear. "Don't fucking tell me what to do........attention whore." I whisper in a forceful tone as I pull his shirt off of his shoulders. Kyo didn't move as I began kissing his neck. "W-What are you doing Yuuki?" He asked as I ran my hand down his chest and unbuckled his pants. "Just shut up!" I said as I licked his lips asking for entry. His lips parted as I fully devoured his tongue with mine. Finally removing his belt, I reach into his boxers and feel his length in my hand. A small moan escapes his mouth as I break the kiss. I want him to make sounds. Maybe someone will hear it and they will see what a whore he really is. "Please don't Y-Yuuki, don't do this." He said faintly as I continue to stroke his fully erect cock. "Telling me not to do something is a bad move Kyo." I said as I bring my hand to the tip of his member and squeeze. He let out a loud moan as I released and stroke once more. "If you tell me not to do something, I'm just going to do it anyway." I said as I devoured his tongue with mine once more. Keeping my pace and stroking his member as I bring my hand to the tip again and squeeze. He releases the kiss as he moans loudly into my neck. I released the tension and stopped stroking his member "I think I'm....please don't stop Y-Yuuki!" He begged as squeezed his tip once more. I smiled inwardly as I knew now at I could leave him like this. Exposed for all to see, being the attention whore he was. I leaning into his ear as I stroke one last time and squeezed the tip of his cock. He moaned as I let out a laugh. "On second thought, I think I will leave you here to finish what I started." I whispered in his ear as I release his erect member. The look on his face was priceless as I walk over to the sink to wash my hands. Still not saying a word, I push the air drying system to dry my hands as Kyo stands in the stall with his exposed erection. "I told you that you were an attention whore." I said as the air dryer finally turned off. I turned toward the door with a sense of accomplishment.

 

 

'Revenge is sweet'

[Ivvy SoulStar]

I personally enjoy a little twisted-ness to my story time. I like that it is a one-shot but wouldn't mind seeing it develop further hehe but that's because I am greedy and always want more.

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,

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,

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,

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would you all come give some feedback to my dear friend here who is unconfident in her writing. She for some reason won't take my opinion to heart because she believes me bias to her.

[LadyKeya]

*nervous laugh* I can't help it. You know I'm self conscious af *stare*. I worry too much I guess haha. Well as long as it's liked I guess I can try not to be so doubtful (yea right like that will happen). *smiles nervously*

[0Chibi]

Interesting. You could describe Yuuki's sadistic emotions perfectly, and that part in the restroom was hot, although I felt bad for Kyo, i still think it only had been convenient from Yuuki 's perspective and that the fiction was all about him from the start. I enjoyed this piece & hope you will continue, i want to see more of your 'late night creations', Keya-sensei! keep up the good work!

[LadyKeya]

I...um...wow thanks so much. I was super nervous about posting it last night and I am glad that did *blush*. Thanks again, it means a lot. I have other stuff written that isn't yaoi related maybe I can muster the courage to post it in the non yaoi section. *smiles shyly*

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vySoulstar knows how obsessive I am about what people think of my writings ^^. I also have some poetry as well. [emoji5] thank you so much *nervous laugh*

 

 

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[Ivvy SoulStar]

See I told you nervous over nothing *tsk* troublesome chibitan. And you tagged me incorrectly *patpat*

[LadyKeya]

See I told you nervous over nothing *tsk* troublesome chibitan. And you tagged me incorrectly *patpat*

Oops XD like I said. New to this *smiles innocently*

[glesh]

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i will read this on saturday....my mind right now is full of my work, so i hope you understand xD i just want to concentrate on my work coz i'm being evaluated by our staffs this week.

[AmaryllisRose]

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Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!! ^^

 

First of all, I want to say that your story is great! It really makes me want further development of the characters and story~ Perhaps consider a second installment? I'd really like to know what made Yuuki like that, or if it is just in his nature. The thoughts and emotions you described really makes me think about what may have happened in his past; I want to know what pain he has felt that he believes Kyo is just whining over nothing.

 

Critique:

 

Now, I am a very annoying stickler for grammar, spelling, syntax, etc.

If I am just plain nitpicking at particular details, do ignore my "advice". (Of course, advice from a 16 year old girl is probably not the best insight available~ XDDDDD)

 

Your lexicon is very good~ The word usage is truly very nice~

 

As for syntax, I feel a couple parts could have been phrased a tiny bit better. For example, "Everyone always wonders why I become so angry when he has something traumatic happen." The end of the sentence is a little awkward. I feel it would read slightly smoother if phrased like something like this: "When something traumatic happens to him, everyone always wonders why I become so enraged." or even this: "Everyone always wonders why I become so angry when something traumatic happens to him."

 

Also, watch out for tenses! I like that you used present tense to write—it helps immerse me more into the writing~ ^^ However, tense changing is really easy to do mistakenly! [i would know... I've done it countless times...] One small example:

"I lean up from the wall of the stall and push him back to the other wall. 'Say it again!' I said as I stood in front of him. I reached for his shirt and unbuttoned each button." In this little segment, you went from a present tense sentence to a past tense sentence! >.

 

I also want to mention starting sentences. In this segment that I used before, "I lean up from the wall of the stall and push him back to the other wall. 'Say it again!' I said as I stood in front of him. I reached for his shirt and unbuttoned each button."

In each sentence you started with "I". [With the exception of the one where it starts with Yuuki saying something, but right after, it starts once more: "I".] Mix it up a bit, or just omit the "I" completely! "I leaned up from the wall of the stall and pushed him back to the other wall. 'Say it again!' I said as I stood in front of him. Reaching for his shirt, each button was unbuttoned." *My hands swiftly half-undressed him, leaving him a disheveled mess.* [Just an add-on as a suggestion to clear up just who is undoing the buttons... XDDDD]

[Oh yeah... I don't know if I am just confused, but is it possible to lean up?! @_@]

 

Last thing [i promise! >.

 

Perhaps break up your large paragraphs into a series of slightly smaller ones? ^^ It's a bit daunting to read huge blocks of text, and smaller paragraphs will help with the comprehensiveness of your writing~!

 

Ahhhh... I really should have been doing my homework... sorry for such a long post... I hope my constructive criticism helped, even if just a tiny bit! >.

 

Keep up the marvelous work Lady Keya!!!!

 

-AmaryllisRose

[LadyKeya]

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Ahhhhh~ *scratches head* I'm so sorry lol. It was a bit rushed and I am happy to receive such critiques. To be honest when I saw you paragraph before reading it, I was a bit intimidated and scared to say the least. I thought, oh my gods, was it that bad?! *nervous laugh* thank you for your input, every little bit helps. Having most of my writings being on wattpad, no one really gives any criticism whatsoever. So this is quite a change from my usual readers. *ehehehe* I am always looking for ways to change my writing style and with no criticism comes not knowing what I'm doing wrong. I am however my own worst critic and sometimes think it isn't good enough to share. Though I do often blindly share my creations and then freak out about it later.

 

Usually my nerves get the better of me and I'm like:

 

Should I delete it?

Is it even read worthy?

Did I leave anything out?

 

Constantly nagging at myself after sharing. *smiles shyly* when I write, I tend to rush things, like diving head first into an empty pool as it were. *nervous laugh*. I guess as long as it's enjoyed I'm happy, but that being said, I still freak out about my works from time to time. Wondering if I should change something and if so, what? Thinking it isn't good enough and always, ALWAYS second guessing myself.

 

So thank you for your advice and I will try to remember that next time *smiles shyly*

 

I'm sorry if I ramble, did I mention I am shy about my writings and of course my art. *nervous laugh*

 

 

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[LadyKeya]

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although I should mention that it started out as a late night monologue in my head and grew from there. I don't know if I will do any further character developments to it. I also have a completed visual kei fanfiction that isn't quite yaoi called Soul Bound. It has received over 1K views and almost 800 comments on wattpad. I was very surprised to say the least. I may share the first chapter in the non yaoi section. I am very proud of how it turned out and would love to see what people here think as well. It is my first completed fanfiction ever. I may get brave and share a chapter once a week or something. I even made a cover photo edit for it.

[AmaryllisRose]

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There's nothing to apologize for! I'm glad my giant column of text didn't scare you away~ >.

 

I'm sure many have probably told you this before, but have more confidence in yourself! I can sense that you are a very creative person just from this one piece~ I would honestly love to see more of your works! ^^

 

The best way to improve is to have people critique your writing! Although, don't take everyone's words seriously... try to find points that are valid and can actually help you improve!

 

I am no expert at this; my comma usage is horrible [i swear every point I get deducted on a paper is because of a COMMA!!! ;-;], and I would never be able to think up such wonderfully unique plots like "The Puppet Master".

 

Ahaha, we should become ramble buddies! [Whatever that is, XD]

 

Once again, I would love to see more of your writing and art!!! [if you are okay with sharing~ ^^] Feel free to hit me up if you ever want more constructive criticism... aka long columns of text~

 

-AmaryllisRose :>

[LadyKeya]

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that would be great, I do tend to be self conscious on a lot of things in my life including my creativity and of course myself in general.

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knows me better than anyone and I can be a bit obsessive over the smallest things XD I will send you a friend request soon （＾ω＾）

 

 

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[Ivvy SoulStar]

Glesh, No worries focus on work and do what needs to be done. I just thought of you and your writing when my friend here was so unsure of her own writing. And thought you may enjoy. And besides it is always good to see you.

 

Ahhh Chibitan..... see I knew you would get feedback. Kykykya There are so many creative people here. I knew you would fit in and hopefully find some confidence.

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I am so happy that you lent you time here. Chibitan is a delight but she short changes herself often. Also Tense! I too fall into the trap of screwing up tense at times its a pain to say the least haha. I think that is a thing every writer deals with at some point to be honest.

[LadyKeya]

Agreed :3

[Dayu]

I'll read it later.

[LadyKeya]

Thank you

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[Dayu]

You're very much welcome.

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