K Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 ENTHRALL ME Deep turquoise eyes Shines so bright Seduced me so high Enthrall me, I not lie Rosy little lips So sexy, It gives me heat Enthrall me, I not miss Chest not so bulky I like it!, It doesn't tease me Enthrall me, I not flee Oh!, large hands I fear, So please be gentle Enthrall me, I not idle Those legs, between, a private I tremble, Heaven over pain Enthrall me, I not complain In comfy sheet Lie me, This mine, you seek Enthrall me, I'm ready cloudy's notes: . .this was the first time i wrote a nasty (for me) bl poem, lol :Red_fox3: . .it still doesn't sink in to me . .while i was writing this i'm grinning, lol . .and i can't even write this permanently in my notebook, still in scratch . .they might accidentally read it ( i think i should hide my notebook now, lol) :cuteonion46: (sorry if the image was too big, and yeah!, i wrote like that, hihi) 10
K Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 . .i'll really appreciate critiques from this, ARIGATO!
yojichan Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 ENTHRALL ME Deep turquoise eyes Shines so bright Seduced me so high Enthrall me, I not lie These are my favorite lines of the poem. You have a knack at being lyrical. Keep it up! 1
Amander123 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I agree with yojichan. That is my favorite part as well! I love it cloudy-chan! Keep writing! 1
yaoifangirl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Your poem was so hot! :cuteonion41: Hope you'll write more BL poems! rabbit14 1
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