Amander123 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It doesn't really have a title yet because I just wrote it not too long ago. Let me know what you think EDIT: misakixusagi gave me a title idea ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "First Chance" He looked at me closely With his dirty little grin Creeping closer and closer To finding his way in He grabbed me roughly And threw me on the bed I was screaming for help Because I'd rather be dead He covered my mouth As he ripped off my pants He smiled at me sweetly And said give him a chance I tried to relax While he played his game But then a sudden thrust Put me into pain I let out a scream While he pulled on my hair This pain was too much For my body to bare But soon after that My screams became moans And pleasure took over From deep in my bones Gasping for breath And yelling for more I was about to explode But someone opened the door... 15
Amander123 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 The ending was made to be a little comical lol
misakixusagi Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 OH WOW i LOVE it !!! really awsome go you.... id love to read more of your poems hehe ^_^ how bout calling it something simple like.....'First' or 'chance' ??? luv it 1
Amander123 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 That's a good idea! Thanks for the idea! I'll combine the two! lol And thanks for the compliment!
misakixusagi Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 no prob lol i have only written on e BL poem , and it was hard but ok cause i followed a story, my other poems are about my life, so they r easier i hope to read more of yours if you do any, think ill wrk on one later too actually x 1
JenovaVII Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I was thinking «Wow, hotness!» all the way down, then I arrived at the last sentence and couldn't help but laugh real hard and choke. Great. Just great. Please do share more with us! :5yoyo34: 1
Amander123 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 @ misakixusagi Aww if you do decide to you should post it so I can read it!! @ YLove Thank you so much!!! @ JenovaVII lol I'm glad I could make you laugh (but I didn't mean for you to choke lol ) But thank you very much! If I write more I will definitely post it!
Dei Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 :msn_red_fox 2 I don't know, at first it was giving me goosebumps (I mean, in a good way), so hot... I can't help but laugh, what an unexpected ending lol. Congratulations on your first work! Otsu~! 1
Amander123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 @Dei Thanks a lot lol. But to be honest, I didn't have the intentions of writing that ending when I started lol. But as I was writing the idea came to me and I thought that it would make the poem a little more humorous lol
K Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 . .geee . .the humorous part made me so LOL, (it made the poem UNIQUE) :banhbao21: . .from what i expected from my idol amander, nice nice (no bluffing here, it's true) :cuteonion57: . .i think through your works you made me inspired to go back working again to stuff like this :hamtaro-005 (44): . .GOOD JOB amander-sama 2
Amander123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Thank you so much cloudy!!! And I hope you do write because I would love to read your stuff 1
misakixusagi Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 yeah amander123 im gonna look at starting a poem once i get in from wrk lol ill keep you posted ;P 1
Amander123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Alright awesome lol. I can't wait until then
JuJu Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Hey, after reading this I suddenly wanna read your second poem..:leaf4:, really! (hope u will post it soon) ...cause the first one is very impressive!!! And the ending sentence...it made me shocked.... 1
Amander123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 @Ichii_kun When I write a second one I will post it And I'm glad everyone enjoyed the ending lol
yojichan Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 bravo! i like it although it feels more like an intro/prelude for a story rather than a poem. good job! 1
Amander123 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 @yojichan Yeah it kinda played out like a story in my head as I wrote it :msn_red_fox 14
brohne Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 That was awesome! I loved the whole thing. It made me cringe then smile! Great work! 1
Amander123 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Thank you brohne I'm glad it made you smile lol. But thanks! I appreciate the compliment!
brohne Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 ^^ sure! you deserve it! Poetry is hard. At least I think so. 1
Amander123 Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 ^^ sure! you deserve it! Poetry is hard. At least I think so. Thank you so much I love poetry, but I agree, it can be hard at times lol
Ueda_Angel Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I can easily say you're writing is better than mine. I believe you have a lot more talent and potential. Keep up the great work. 1
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