One More Moment (Vyssini and Zombie) [18+]

[vyssini]

Zed wasn't sure if he would be glad or sorry. Seeing how adamant Felix was in his refusal, he didn't push it. How can he not understand? He also wouldn't want Felix with him earlier, if he only knew what they would learn. He had a lot on his plate right now. And honestly, he didn't think he could handle another. He was barely holding on the way he was right now. He didn't want his facade to crumble in public place. His heart was heavy. "If you think that's better, then.." He smiled. Guilt was gnawing in his chest. Felix even cried for him, but he couldn't even be there for the man and was even relieved to be refused to go. How wretched was he? 'Sorry. Let me be a little more selfish. It might not be for long anyways.' He was shocked at that train of thoughts so he stopped thinking.

 

"Then, let's meet at the car. I'll buy the medicine then wait there." He hated the hospital but the damn place seemed to call out to him particularly. And he didn't seem to be getting away from it for a while. So, he'd rather enjoy the air outside before he got dragged to vicious cycle of hospital visits and treatments. He would run away if he could. Escape to this nightmare they called reality. And Felix seemed to feel that desire to remind him not to leave. Was he that obvious?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix nodded shakily, although leaving Zed, even if for a few minutes, it seemed like a too long time. "Just don't leave." He repeated again, fear in his eyes as he swallowed and turned around. He didn't want Zed to know what he was really here for. The tears blurred his eyesight as he walked, trying to find the room he was supposed to get to. He managed to, although it took him a rather long time. Taking a deep breath, Felix went inside, managing a shaky smile at the woman behind the desk.

 

"Please, sit down. You must be Felix."

 

---

The visit didn't end how he expected it to. Questions never stopped, Felix was sent to another doctor, and one after that until the three of them finally came to a conclusion - the man was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The news, quite frankly, shocked him. He expected it to be depression, nothing more serious than that, but... He was actually far deeper in. He was prescribed medicine, as well as psychotherapy. It was explained clearly that this was only the start of the symptoms and if they went untreated, they would get worse, there would be more.

 

This whole process took up nearly three hours. Felix didn't expect Zed to be waiting, especially since he hadn't checked his phone at all. He went outside, the bag of medicine held tightly in his hand. Should he still hide it? Should he hide that he... That he wasn't normal?

[vyssini]

"Thanks" Zed paid the cashier lady and received a small bag of prescription medicines. He remembered the anxious look on his friend's face when they parted and it just proved his hunch that something's not right. Though he shook his head and chose to look away as Felix disapppeared in the distance. He walked to the parking lot and placed the bag on the car's hood. "Damn!" He forgot to ask for the car keys! He pulled out his phone to play some games to pass the time but took a sharp breath instead. He kicked the tires in frustration. His phone was...dead! Leaning against the car, he started shivering again. Slowly, he slid down and slumped on the ground with his head burried on his knees. Breathe. It's fine. everything's gonna be fine. Breathe.

 

A while passed and even a shadow of his friend couldn't be seen. Irritation, impatience, anger, frustration and worry. His jumbled emotions made his head hurt and his chest tight. In sweltering heat, panic was apparent with little beads of sweat on his forehead. He started gnawing his thumb, a habit he had worked to remove in his system. His facade was slipping so he stood up and hurriedly took a run, his own shadows on his heels.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Even if he wasn't really expecting Zed outside, it still hurt a little bit when he didn't see his friend anywhere. He couldn't really blame the other, though. His fifteen minutes turned to three hours. With a shaky sigh, the man got into his car and began driving. The brown paper bag distracted him so bad, he had to toss it into the backseat where he couldn't see it anymore. On his way to the other's home, he stopped at the groceries shop to get ice cream - this was the least he could get Zed after leaving him like that.

 

As he pulled up at Zed's apartment, Felix just stayed in his car for a while. What was he supposed to say? The truth, or a blatant lie? If he told him what was wrong, there was a chance he'd lose Zed, even sooner than he'd expected. Although he was explained this was one of the symptoms, the fear of abandonment, he couldn't imagine a life without Zed. Once he got ready to get out, Felix took the ice cream with him and locked his car. He halted for a few moments before hesitantly pressing the doorbell. He still didn't know what he would say.

[vyssini]

Like hooves thundering on his chest, he struggled, gasping for air. He leaned on his door with his eyes closed. In his panic, he ran quite a distance from the hospital before calling a cab that send him home. Purring, Nero excitedly welcomed his arrival but he shook him off. He hastily walked to the kitchen and opened his refrigerator to get some water to drink. But he ended up opening a can of light beer. He chugged it down, not finishing it and reducing him in coughing fits. Some was spilled on his shirt which he removed and casually left on the kitchen floor. How ugly! Some people who visited his house noted the weirdness of putting a mirror the kitchen wall. He would often joked about the importance of seeing his handsome face while washing the dishes. But it was only today that he saw the uselessness of it. -C-rack- Pieces of bloody shards fell on the sink from the smashed mirror. He didn't feel any pain though.

 

He entered his bathroom and opened the shower with his pants still on. In the hospital, in attempt to save face, he tried pushing his real feelings down. The comfort of his own house or the familiar sight of his bed send those emotions back to the surface. His facade broke apart, his barriers came crashing down. "So stupid." He silently cried under the flowing water while shouting curses to no one in particular.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix waited for a while before hesitantly opening the door. "Zed?" He called out softly, closing the door behind him. His heart skipped a beat when he got to the kitchen and saw the bloody shards. Fuck... He wouldn't hurt himself on purpose, right? The raven put the ice cream on the counter, his breathing turning into shallow pants. There were sounds coming from the bathroom - curses, along with the running water.

 

Felix hurried into the room, panic in his eyes as he opened the unlocked doors, guilt completely overriding him as he saw his friend. "Zed, I-..." He muttered, cautiously taking a few steps closer. "I'm sorry." He said a bit louder, standing still. He waited for the other to acknowledge him, to say something. The corners of what he saw were getting blurry; he didn't even realize when the tears began collecting in his eyes again.

[vyssini]

Zed stood unmoving. He heard a very familiar voice but he still refused to look. He was always willful and unfair to Felix. He had been spoiled and he became way too dependent with him. It had to stop. He would have to drive him away, as far away from him as possible. He didn't want to see the man so he closed his eyes. He hoped to be left alone. He hoped Felix could get the message and leave him alone. But instead he got a sorry. He bit his lip to prevent himself from saying something he didn't mean. Sorry? Wasn't he the one who should be feeling sorry. He promised to wait but left instead.

 

"Can.." He sighed and turned the water off. He tilted his head towards the man standing by the door with his eyes still closed. It was last attempt to convey his message. "...can you please leave." It was an order rather than a question. His voice was sharp and low. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix felt as if ice cold water poured over him when Zed spoke. Something inside him just tore into two pieces, leaving a massive, gaping hole inside. The only sound he managed was a shaky breath he managed to suck into his lungs before everything broke down. Tears rolled down his cheeks after being pushed away in what felt like the coldest way possible. Everything seemed dark and useless as he left, ending up slamming the front door behind him as he tried to get away from the reality.

 

He wasn't even sure how he ended up in his car at such state, he was shaking violently, gripping the steering wheel so tight his hands hurt. He was close to screaming, he wanted to drive his car into a lake and just... Just drown. Drowning seemed better than living in a world where everyone left him. He would leave everyone first... Yes, that way no one left him. Who could leave a dead man? It was impossible.

[vyssini]

His first blunt lie to Felix. Tears rolled down his cheeks. As soon as he said those words, he regretted it. He wanted to retract his statement. That's why he didn't want to open his mouth. He knew nothing but lies would be spewing out of it. Especially right now, when his defenses were down. He just wasn't sure how to ask Felix to stay. He didn't want to be left alone. He needed someone to help him clear the confusion in his foggy mind. To carry the burden alone would be too much too painful. He opened his eyes too late.

 

He immediately rushed out dripping water on his floor only to see but a shadow of his friend. If he called, Felix would turn around and walk back. But his tongue was tied with a lump on his throat. He couldn't even say a word and his mouth was left open. He winced as the door was slammed hard. "Ah.." He remembered his phone. He pulled it out from his pocket and saw it dripping wet. He ran back to his room to charge it and still tried to make it work. "Please." He couldn't explain the need to hear Felix's voice. All he knew was..he need it.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix started the engine with tears still blurring his eyesight, everything around him squeezing him to no ends. He drove out the parking lot, going way over the speed limit. He heard police sirens after him after a while, but... It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. If Zed could leave him like that, everyone else in the world could too. There even was a sense of happiness at being able to do this, to just take a risk and leave everything behind.

 

Felix found himself laughing as he pushed his car to the limit, driving as fast as the vehicle possibly could, but... He didn't manage to stop it in time. The raven let go of the steering wheel as his tears mixed with laughter, and the water got closer and closer... No, it wasn't that he didn't manage to stop in time. He didn't want to stop. Felix laughed without being able to breathe, watching as the water got in through the windows and doors. It was funny, even. It was funny to think how fragile humans were... It was funny. At least like this, no one could ever leave him.

[vyssini]

Zed was frantic. He was quick to use a blow dryer then wipe his phone dry. He cursed himself for his stupidity. He anxiously waited to see if it's still working until the light flickered on the screen. "Yes!" It was an excited shout. His own matters pushed aside, he wanted to convey his sorry. He was torn between pushing Felix away and keeping the man close. And his behavior notwithstanding the shocking news, was totally out of the line.

 

He wasn't ready. He knew it deep down. He was just playing the victim and pushed his frustration on the single person who cared. Like always. Normally, Felix would stay and made him feel like he didn't care about his emotional outbursts. The man would treat him as before as if he didn't hear anything. But this time, he left slamming the door. 'Must be really mad and fed up on him' The light on the screen dimmed and he knew his phone was history. He was so frustrated he threw it on the wall finally sealing its fate. "It's fine. Everything would be alright." He had been kneeling on the floor, he didn't even notice. "He'll be back." He nodded to himself, convinced that Felix would be back when the man couldn't contact his phone. "Like always."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix closed his eyes and embraced the coldness of the water. It was going up slowly as his car sunk deeper and deeper into the lake. Soon enough he couldn't even see the surface of the water... His consciousness left him. Less than a minute later than he drifted away from the reality from the loss of air, he was pulled back up. He was "saved", but he didn't want to be saved. Deep inside, Felix felt disappointment, grief even, as he hadn't been able to take his life, he hadn't been able to remove himself from the empty, pathetic world.

 

Surely, he remained unconscious until he was back at the very same hospital. There didn't seem to be any external damage, but his insides may have been damaged. His phone was long lost in the lake, although his ID remained readable - he was recognized by his own doctor, and soon after that - Zed's doctor as well. Felix was put in a separate room, his hands linked to the bed with soft fabric to make sure he didn't try to hurt himself any more. The doctors tried to contact Zed, but his phone appeared to be unreachable. Other than that, the hospital staff found no other contact listed.

 

---

One of the nurses was sent down to Zed's house to inform him of what happened to Felix. The man stood in front of the door and, with a quiet sigh, lifted his hand to press the doorbell. As always, with this kind of news, his expression showed compassion and pity.

[vyssini]

Zed felt cold so he hugged himself only to notice his wounded fist. He winced as he felt the prickling pain from the bloody mess that was his right hand. Wondering how he didn't notice it before when it was this painful, he stood up walking to the corner of the room where his medicine cabinet was. He hissed as he cleansed the wound and applied the medicine. Again, he cursed himself and his stupid stunt while bandaging his hand. He picked some decent clothes and wore them before getting out of his room. "Nothing good comes from self-harm." He said with a grimace, looking from his hand to the wet floor and to the bloody sink.

 

After some more cursing as he cleaned the kitchen and the floor, he noticed a plastic bag on the counter. "Ice cream. Felix." He was assaulted with guilt, remembering the scene when Felix madly left, even slamming the door. He opened it and saw the melted ice cream. He first thought of putting it on the freezer before getting a spoon and scooping it. He wasn't too eager to put it on his mouth but was thinking of it as his punishment. His quiet glaring contest with the ice cream was disturbed by the door bell. His face brighten up as he put the spoon down and put the lid on. He jogged to the door. "..ugh... Yes?" His disappointment was distinct and clear on his voice after opening the door to an unknown man. "I won't buy anything. Thanks." He slumped his shoulders slowly closing the door.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The nurse moved his hand to stop the door, parting his lips with the faintest sigh. "I came to inform you about a friend of yours. Felix Diem." He paused, looking at Zed before hesitantly continuing. "He's at the hospital after what appears to be attempted suicide." The african-american male said, taking a small step back. "You may visit him when you wish, there are no surgeries planned so far." He added, looking at Zed with a rather sad expression. Judging by which doctors recognized their patients, the two of them wouldn't have it easy at all.

[vyssini]

"Eh?" Zed hung his head with an extremely annoyed look as the man stopped him. Sometimes, door-to-door salesman could get annoying. But what he heard next nearly stopped his breathing. He felt his heart crawling out of his chest. He gulped and tried to held on to the door to steady his footing. "S-Sui-Suicide, you say?" He let out a dry laugh before his expression turned dark. "You've gone too far on your joke, mister." Suicide? He was the one with cancer! The one who could die was him. Besides, Felix wasn't someone who would even consider something like that. No matter how hard the situation was, at least something like that would never enter his mind. He knew the man. Or did he?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The nurse shook his head, keeping his gaze steady. "I'm afraid this isn't a joke. We couldn't contact you via phone, so this was the only way we could get you the news. I'm sorry, it must be hard." He spoke quietly, finally letting go of the door. "Now, if you're ready, I could drive you to the hospital to see him. If not, visiting hours are from eight in the morning until nine in the evening." The nurse informed, tilting his head slightly. Frankly, he just wanted to go back to work. Interns were supposed to be the ones informing patient family and friends, not nurses.

[vyssini]

Reasoning that they did everything they could, yet giving up when they thought they had enough. He despised those kind of people. Slitting their own wrist, cutting their own jugular or jumping off buildings... To him, those were but attention-seeking weaklings. To throw away your own life deliberately.. How could he not look down on them. People like them were those who played around with life, treating it as trash. Trying to prove life as something they control when all else were failing. And Felix... Felix wasn't one of them. He couldn't be. Shouldn't be..

 

He knew that the man wasn't pulling a prank. The serious expression told him so. But he would rather hear a lie. "I.." He wet his lips, awkwardly clearing his throat before facing the man. "I'd be grateful if you allowed me to come with you." He closed the door behind him. He needed a confirmation, the raw truth.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The nurse managed a small smile and nodded. "Alright, let's go." He said and turned around, leading the other to his car. As he got in, the man waited for Zed to sit as well before he drove off to the hospital. The nurse didn't start up any conversation, instead turning on the radio to play quietly. He disliked silence, but talking to patients while out of the hospital wasn't something he was really good at doing anyway.

 

As he pulled up, the nurse glanced at Zed before parting his lips. "His room is on the second floor, the 203rd. Try to be quiet around there and... Don't scare him, if he's awake." He requested quietly before getting out of the car. People who'd attempted to kill themselves and failed were a lot more fragile than ones who were in the hospital for something else. Especially people who had some underlying condition for the act... Like Felix. Felix, who was barely awake, who was trying to escape from the reality again.

[vyssini]

Zed's complexion wasn't good. He was too nervous and he kept on biting his lower lip. He was thinking a lot of scenarios and a whole lot of possibilities. Each was making him more and more scared. He would shake his head every now and then. Even when he heard his condition, he wasn't this rattled. His heart was pounding on his chest furiously fast. He never noticed the music until they stopped. When the man told Felix's room number, he nodded his thanks and didn't bother to voice his gratitude before almost jumping out of the car and sprinting towards the hospital.

 

"huff..huff..203" He checked the room number several times and held the door tightly, catching his breath. He silently opened the door with his eyes automatically drawn to the patient's bed. His eyes were bloodshot but he blinked the tears away. He started panting and shivering. He bit his lip too hard, cutting it. He tasted the salty, metallic taste of blood. "..."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix was staring at the ceiling, his mind numb from the medicine they stuffed him with. His thoughts were vague, his consciousness on the line of slipping away. The man didn't even try to move, he could feel the ties on his hands. The only thing that moved were his eyes, when the door was suddenly opened and someone went inside. Felix thought it would just be another doctor, but instead...

 

His heart rate picked up instantly, lips parting a little bit to take in a shaky breath. He turned his gaze back to the ceiling before closing them to hide the tears that were collecting again. It wasn't enough to leave him? Zed had to go back and show him for sure they would never see each other again, didn't he?.. Felix was having trouble thinking straight, his fingers twitching slightly as he attempted to fall asleep or somehow lose consciousness. Anything to get him away, get him out of the situation he was in.

[vyssini]

At first, he thought Felix was asleep but the guy looked at his direction and even their eyes met. It wasn't even a full second when the guy retracted his gaze and refused to give him a second look. The bastard even dared to close his eyes. But the strange thing was he calmed down though he could not help but be offended at Felix's reaction. Was he still mad? "If you're going to be ashamed of what you did, then why do it?" He walked inside and closed the door behind him. He didn't move far from the door though. "I know you're not a reckless driver. If you're trying to be a racer, a highway isn't a good place to start. If it's swimming, you don't have to be in a car to dive." He emotionally nagged. He wasn't in the know of what really happened. But he learned about the situation a little. "And if it's for car wash, I can lend you some. No need to drive over some lake." He continued. No answer? He was getting impatient. He wanted to hear the story straight from his friend's mouth. But the man wasn't even responding to him. He began to worry. He turned around to go out. He wanted to talk to the doctor about Felix's condition first.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix eyes burned with tears even behind the closed lids. Zed was just messing with his head now. He sounded angry, at least for him, but his words had a sense of... He couldn't even name the emotion, but it wasn't negative. The man felt a tear roll down his cheek and attempted to lift his hand up, only to be stopped by the ties. Was he a danger to others now? While Zed left, Felix was trying to at least get his thoughts in order. That, however, proved to be harder than he thought it would be.

 

Meanwhile his doctor was just walking to check on him. Once she saw Zed leaving the room,the woman realized it meant no good. She hurried to get to Zed, the faintest hint of worry in her eyes. "Are you Zed?" She asked, holding Felix's papers in her hand. "Please, come with me. I'll explain what happened."

[vyssini]

As Zed opened the door, he peeked over his shoulder towards the bed. His brows in a straight line, he sighed dejectedly. A doctor or what he thought she was with her white gown, stopped his advance. He raised his brow in question but answered her inquiry. "Yes." As he answered, he caught a glance at the stack of papers she was holding with Felix's name on it. 'Felix's doctor?' "I'm actually on my way to meet you. Felix's doctor I presume?" He felt a surge of anxiety as his eyes met hers. It was only then that he noticed the worry in her eyes. He threw Felix a final glance before deciding to follow her. Better than staying in that room speaking by himself while the other pretending to sleep. He had been thinking and none of it made him understand why Felix suddenly left. He might have brushed him off quite coldly but it wasn't a new thing either. Why was the man so mad that time, he couldn't fathom the reason.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The doctor nodded, quietly turning around to walk to her office. It was best to explain it all where she would actually have access to all the information she would possibly need. The woman sat down, motioning for Zed to sit across from her. The door alone, with 'Psychiatrist D. Davis' written on it should've been enough to give Zed a clue about where this was going.

 

"I'm not sure if you're aware of it, but Felix came in today seeking help. He'd found he had trouble falling asleep, letting go of people, and mostly - mood swings. After testing, we came to the conclusion he had a Borderline Personality Disorder. If he experienced any emotional shock after leaving, it may have been the cause for his attempted suicide." She explained, placing both hands on top of the desk.

[vyssini]

Zed sat silently. In his eyes, confusion was apparent. The door said 'Psychiatrist D. Davis'. That made him double checked before stepping inside the office. He didn't made any clarification though. He awaited the lady doctor to explain everything by herself. Besides, he wasn't sure he could really ask a question. And if he could, what would he inquire?

 

His brows almost met, he tried to process what he just heard. "So, basically.." He cleared his throat before continuing. "The appointment he had earlier today was with you. And you're telling me that Felix has some.." He wet his lips and closed his eyes. ".. some mental illness.. so he tried to kill himself." His voice grave and low, he opened his eyes to glare at the doctor.