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Ryuu_L

I lost two years of my life to depression and anxiety and blah blah blah

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Dear diary or dear blog? Whatever- just, Heya guys!

 

Finally I feel fine, strong and happy. I’ve spent 2 fcking years slipping in and out of depression, but thanks to the right medicine and loving people, I’m back to being me again. It’s often said that depression isn’t about feeling sad. It’s part of it, of course, but to compare the life-sapping melancholy of depression to normal sadness is like comparing a paper cut to an amputation. It's simply a mental illness. Your soul doesn't exist at that moment, there is nothing around you. Everything is black. Literally. I felt like I lived in the tunnel without light. Even ordinary daily tasks such as breathing, eye opening, movement, smile, going to work - all this was very exhausting and difficult. It was not even life. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.

 

The biggest stigma comes from yourself. You blame yourself for the illness that you can only dimly see.

 

BUT, thanks to my family, thanks to my friends and thanks to YaoiOtaku and the people in this forum I was able to survive. YAAAAAY! So just- Thank you guys. Really.

When I wrote my first post I received a lot of positive messages and a lot of love! You didn't know who I am and you shared your love and positive thoughts with me! YOU'RE SO AMAZING PEEPS! Thank you so much!

 

Thankiee crystald (you lil angel of YO!), thank you batista, AlphaZero, Choree, littlespiral, Dan'na-sama, Dexen, RedNoki, fan_yaoi, voide, iamTK, Lethalyx (oh my cutie perv assassin!), lnu, Nezumi-kun, Orient, Preeh, Rebel Heart, Rumpleteaser, etc. etc. THANK YOU ALL! I'm finally free :)

 

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ARRRRR pirates!

Yesterday came a letter from the author of books Martian and Artemis! YAAAAASS! I wrote a mail asking him for the autograph for my boyfriend and look:

 

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Hahahah! I can't! That's AMAZING! lolol, that man is really funny and great.

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Really, congratulations! I'm still working on it myself as it's been resurfacing a lot lately, but I hope I can defeat it one day to become a better person. Thank you for sharing your story with us!

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good to hear this, buddy. yes to healthy mind & body.

also, that note from andy weir is awesome!! (yo the boob haha)

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My dear @Ryuu_L foxy2

 

I just read your post. I am happy to hear you found a way back to happiness again :o

Today I had I nice conversation with one of my costumers. A cute older lady... and she reminded me again how important it is to have a good circle of friends, all ages included, because you never know what happens and it’s always nice and comforting to know that the are people you can rely on and give you a helping hand.

 

I just wanted to share this with you and the others. Friends and good relationships with others is something that people take for granted easiley when every thing is harmonic and going well. But the older you get the more valuable, precious and even rare it is to have good friends around you.

 

Keep up your positivity and I hope keep this happiness for long (best case 4 eva:D )

 

Stay strong our little captain ;) foxy3

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My sweet @batista! These are wonderful words ^ ^ Thank you for sharing your cute and nice story :o

You're right. Every moment with loving and good people is amazing. I think it's important to always surround yourself with good people and be nice to everyone. You got good people around you and you passionate about what you do. But what's more important is accepting people as they are :)

 

Thank you for everything, dear! :o

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@Ryuu_L you little sunshine!! I’m so happy of reading your words, and emotional as I am hehe, to feel so glad you are able to see all the light you have inside, all the things you can do, all the amazing things that awaits in your future!!!

You’re not only brave for sharing such delicate memories, but kind to let other people (who could be in your same position) to feel related to your experiences and realize there’s always good at the end of that dark road. Is not easy, is not fast, but exists ^___^

 

And of course I’m honored for your greeting *bows and makes fly a little kiss* *^____^*

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Arrrr pirates! Again.

On the way to healthy mind it's important to be outdoors where there is beautiful nature, animals and people ^ ^ From boyfriend's parents we received romantic wellness stay in Lednice as a gift for Christmas. AYYYYYY! His parents are very kind and loving and I'm very glad that I can belong to their family ^ ^

Okay, here are some photos from my trip.

 

an amazing fountain

 

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palm greenhouse

 

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Arrrr pirates!

How to be happy and satisfied? Well, this is a very good question. I'm not a guru but here's a few advices how you can change your life ^ ^

- be quit of undesirable and unpleasant people (this is very important! it really changed my life because I got rid of the bad people and added to my life the good ones)

- devote yourself to your hobby (anime, TV series, books, friends, music, drawing,..)

- take love and give love

- healthy food

- exercise (for example yoga)

- smile :)

 

This is the 6 key points for changing your life. When you can make these small / big changes, you'll see the result and everything will get better :)

GOOD LUCK PIRATES!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=8703451

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What a nice read, I havent been active much since I'm so bussy with moving and such, so I'm trying to catch up with you all. Then I came across this.

 

It is good to hear that you are doing better! It takes allot of effort (much more then people think) to change the spiral from downwards to upwards. When you realize at some point that only you yourself can change and make the drepession lesser, that is the point where your new life will start. The moment you hit that rock bottem and are left with some choices, and not all are great choices. But you made the right choice and worked yourself up, for that I got nothing but respect, to muster the courage and face your troubles.

 

I really hope you will keep walking this path, and realize that up ahead there will be still trouble. But you will overcome them easier and you will understand in the years to come, that this dark page is a lesson which you have learned so much from that it will make your future decisoins much easier.

 

ps sorry for the bad langauge but for some reason the spellin check doesn't work.

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@Rebel Heart Thank you so so so so much for your lovely and encouraging words! I'm glad I have empathic people around me who understand psychological problems and especially depression. it's very important to understand the essence so that we can continue to help those who really need it :) I want to turn all these bad feelings and thoughts into something beautiful and good and I want to help people who need to get out of the darkness.

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Arrrrr pirates!

Last weekend I was at the Animefest festival and it was really amazing! I met many new people and visited a lot of interesting lectures (the best one was about alcohol in Japan haha). I bought a lot of Japanese food and bought a plush Totoro!!! Oh my! *strange sounds of enthusiasm* COUGH anyways! Together with my bf we had pirate cosplay (he as Edward Kenway from Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag and me as OC pirate). The next day I had cosplay Evie Frye (Assassin's Creed Syndicate) but it was difficult because it was terrible hot >

 

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ARRRRR pirates!

 

How can we deal with stress, anger or sadness? In some situations it's very simple - you can listen to your favorite music (or some music that is full of positives! for me it's OST from Guardians of the galaxy haha, you can try it -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MODLez2WrV0&t=6s )

or you can watch a scene from a movie that will ALWAYS comfort you!

 

GOOD LUCK, mates!

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ARRRRR pirates!

 

How can we deal with stress, anger or sadness? In some situations it's very simple - you can listen to your favorite music (or some music that is full of positives! for me it's OST from Guardians of the galaxy haha, you can try it -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MODLez2WrV0&t=6s )

or you can watch a scene from a movie that will ALWAYS comfort you!

 

GOOD LUCK, mates!

 

I can't see the video, but ever since I was young I listen to melancholy music, which always eases the mind for me. Growning up, the smash movie Titanic came out with the beautifel soundtracks Titanic and Back to the Titanic, these two laid the groundwork for me to start loving movie music and espeacly the melancholy ones. Till today I got a playlist only with that kind of music. And Whenever I feel I need to calm myself down, I will listen to it.

 

Music is a very powerful emotion, which is so strong that even people who forgotten everything else (demention) can still recall memories trough music.

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IMPORTANT

 

Instagram and Facebook give all of us the impression that we are the only imperfect people out there. Because it seems that no one else has trouble with acne, cellulite, hip dips, aging, yellowish teeth or bad eating habits anymore. Gosh, I have never felt so insecure in my whole life and that is simply because I am used to seeing photoshopped people much more than the real ones. As much as I love photoshop, filters, good lighting and also Facetune and will always use them: We have to get used to REALITY again.

 

Especially with my job which is 100% social media, it is almost impossible to stay true and honest to yourself. There are days where I find myself hating on my no makeup face in the mirror, I am sometimes crying desperately because of my severe skin issues, I don’t want to go to the beach anymore because I am so insecure to wear a bikini, even though I work hard on my body everyday. THIS IS SO WRONG!

 

Back in the day at school, there was this one girl, she had it all! Perfect skin, long and beautiful hair, a brilliant smile and the skinny legs. But back in the day it was ONLY HER, remember? Nowadays we feel like we are the only ones who aren’t blessed with perfect beauty. But that’s a full on lie and we should never forget that.

 

If you find yourself in these words, I want to tell you: You are not alone! Social Media makes all of us look pretty, successful, fit, healthy and so strong. But we are not. We are real people with real issues, real pimples in our faces and real fuckin‘ bumps on our legs.

 

Try to believe in your smile instead of the color of your teeth. Believe in your heart instead of the size of your boobs. Believe in your good thoughts instead of the thickness and beauty of your hair.

 

Stop comparing. You be you. And you be happy.

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DRAWING TIME! hehe - Fury warrior PVP for my brother this was probably the most difficult experience but I think it looks pretty good now. After 3 years lolol •

 

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brother's character from World of warcraft

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ARRRRR PIRATES! It's cosplay/halloween time!

 

I'm still working on my 'make up skills' for cosplay, but sometimes it's quite difficult - especially when you work with face contours

 

 

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Thor make up test 0.1 by me

Thor by Roman

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Heya guys !

 

Finally, everything is fine. Sure, I also have problems like breakup, family problems or problems at work, but I can overcome it all now (: I think my personality is stronger and better these days. I do to improve myself every day - I hope so... and this year I decided to become a full-bodied vegan (: Wish me luck ! haha

 

Remember - you're all beautiful and strong! Never give up and always fight demons around you, because you can save not only your life but also the lives of your friends / family.

 

If you feel you need help, please PM me (:

 

Ooookay ! I wish you a super strong and wonderful day!

 

My addictions these days:

 

 

 

 

 

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Your cosplay i so cool :D

You look like a real one I see on image searches, on internet *v* You're so taaaaalleenntt. 'Star-donut-prince/ess'

tsMQhHR.gif

You're the best ^^

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Your cosplay i so cool :D

You look like a real one I see on image searches, on internet *v* You're so taaaaalleenntt. 'Star-donut-prince/ess'

tsMQhHR.gif

You're the best ^^

 

Awwww, thank you so much, my sweet donut ! :D

 

tenor.gif

 

EDIT: WHAT?! It's a kiss?! KISS???? I thought these guys were hugging!! Hmmm- Okay so- GAY BEEEEEARS POWEEEEERRR!!! \(*_*)/ :D

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My latest drawing about environmental problems-

 

 

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Nikolaj Coster-Waldau_WIP

I love this guy. He is a really amazing actor and activist!

 

 

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I can definitely relate to your battle with depression because I've gone it through too (in fact still battling against it like having no passion to do things..). But I'm glad to read you have overcome your "inner enemy" as I like to call it. YO and BL in general is one of the few things that also make me feel happy in life, as strange as it sounds. I would go as far as to say BL may have prevented me from committing suicide.

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