Ummm... my first poem.... feel free to judge/critisize!

[Angel0fS!n]

ok... ummm.... i dont have any gut to post it here, since you all are superb poetic.:hamtaro-005 (6): when i read your poems, OMG you all are f*ckin good at it. I afraid mine wouldn't be as good as all of you, wouldn't be your cup of tea!:hamtaro-005 (15): oh well... here it goes:hamtaro-005 (5):

 

 

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

On that day you left,

i still remember,

the faint scent of my tears,

the last word you told.

 

why must you leave me?

why should we separated?

why can't we be together?

why should this happen?

i just want to be with you,

to live with you,

i just want to be old with you,

to spend my life with you.

 

everyday i think of you,

everytime your warm face comes to my mind,

each time your voice echoeing in my ear,

tears rolling down my cheek.

"I'll be waiting for you,

In the land of eternity,

We will be together,

forever"

your last word,

i will keep it,

till we meet again,

in the land of forever.

[yaoifangirl]

Ooo... Very beautiful! You were sad too when you write it? :leaf9:

 

As Ichii_kun's poem... I couldn't say this is your first poem! Angel hope to read more from you! :Red_fox7:

[Morinaga's Girl]

This poem is so romantic and emotional! It is very very good! I love it a lot! :mashimaro8:

 

This was my favorite part:

"I'll be waiting for you,

In the land of eternity,

We will be together,

forever"

 

Very sweet! leaf4

[K]

. .that's a good start, words may not in good formation, it's an informal poem, but the important thing is that it possess feelings, :hamtaro-005 (19):

 

. .while i'm reading it's like we're having a conversation where you share your sadness and i was just listening, rabbit0

 

. .it expresses the feelings you want the readers to feel rabbit14

 

. .nice angelofsin

 

(though i'm also not that good in writing, these were my opinions ) :leaf12:

[Angel0fS!n]

You were sad too when you write it?

 

Yup i was sad on that time. A few days ago, my friend's fiance was died after a few hours struggled to live, as he was involved in a car clash. :leaf9: My friend told me what was happened and it inspired me to write my first poem. :hamtaro-005 (6):at first i'm not sure if i can write an english poem, since i'm used to write a Sajak (Malay Poem).:hamtaro-005 (5)::hamtaro-005 (5):

[Angel0fS!n]

though i'm also not that good in writing, these were my opinions ) :leaf12:

thanks for your opinion, it will help me to improve my poetry!

[animegirl]

Your poem is so sweet, sensitive and sad and very touchy and beautiful... :leaf3:

I like it a lot! I must admit I cried a bit... :leaf9:

 

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your friend... It's terrible! Tell her to be strong and hopefully she'll recover from the loss someday

[Miro]

Another touching poem... I read your explanation and I'm so sorry for your friend's fiance leaf4

 

I don't know how is your Sajak ( unfortunately I can't understand Malay ) ...but this English poem is so touching and beautiful! :banhbao45:

[Aoi]

Your poem is so beautiful Angel! :msn_red_fox 15 I like it a lot! I'm just sorry that you felt sad!

[Matti_19]

Wow Angel! I didn't know you are so talented to writing poems

 

I really like it! :msn_red_fox 8

[JuJu]

of course...that's not only okay...but also very cool !!!!!

 

 

 

 

I like this part the most...

 

"I'll be waiting for you

in the land of eternity,

We'll be together,

forever"