Xylto Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 [table=width: 500, align: center] [tr] [td] We of Yesterday KOICHI UEDA - Age: 27 - Height: 6'3'' - Appearance: + Eyes: chestnut + Hair: light brown, a bit thick and straight - Sexuality: Bisexual - Residency: Koichi is currently living with his sister's daughter in a 2LDK apartment. - Occupation: Co-owner of a start-up financial and accounting company. When you are a grown up, employed, and has a beautiful 5-year-old child, sometimes, you just want to relive your high school days. No, your kindergarten days when you don’t have to wake up at six every morning, make breakfast, get your daughter to school, go to work, pick up your daughter, go home, make dinner, help your daughter study, get him into bed, work, sleep, and redo the entire list. In these kinds of moments filled with exhaustion, I will think of him, of his heart-shaped lips and how soft they are. I often pressed my thumb on Shu’s lips then dragged it across them to see if the red colour would taint my finger. They were so red that I had always compared them to the lips of the geishas. And when I think of Shu, the questions will start haunting my mind again like a finger scratching open an old scar. Fingernail dips into the skin, ripping off the membranes until it is dyed in scarlet. “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Up! Up! Up!” I roll to the corner away from the glaring sunlight, covering my face with the blanket, and buried my head under the pillow. Here is a thing about having a six-year-old child. They are always overly excited about their first day at school, a place which later on will exist in their mind as a beginning of a series of nightmares. As an adult, her father, I do want to expose that truth; however, she is beaming awfully beautifully, her contours glowing against the rays of dawn. Peeping out from beneath the pillow, I squint my eyes to make out the time on the small clock hung on our floral wall. Praise the Lord. It’s just six, six in the holly morning. Apparently, children never run out of energy. Yesterday Maki demanded me to tuck her in at nine and lying next to her futon were her brand new red backpack in which textbooks and notebooks were neatly arranged, her uniformed folded squarely and a small empty lunchbox waiting to be filled the following day. Before drifting into her sleep, Maki insisted me on telling her how my first day to school was like. Of course, I fabricated everything, serenading a pink version of the past, claiming that I did not cry at all and the teacher was as kind as a fairy godmother. Maybe I should have told her the truth. My hand sneaks out from under the blanket, waving at my little Maki. “Honey, it’s only six. Give me five more minutes. Five more…” And it creeps back into the cashmere cocoon. A satisfactory sigh rolled out of my lips as the noise dissolved. I am the definition of sleep deprivation for last night I stayed up until half past three to finish my analysis so that I can be there for Maki today. “Cannonball!!!” It all happened in seconds. She was quiet for a moment and in the next, she landed her big bum on my face. I cannot breath. “Maki…” I gather all of my strength to mutter under the weight of a six-year-old. Don’t I raise her well? “Have you woken up?” Maki queried haughtily. “Yes, I’m wide awake,” I pretend wheezing. “Maki, I’m running out of oxygen.” A little effect of a quivering hand always does the trick. Maki gasped and I hear a soft thump when she hops off the bed to the carpeted floor. “Oh my God, good girl,” I inhale deeply then sit straight up. I don't need to see to know Maki is grinning. She holds my hand and drags me, who is scuffing on his feet, to the bathroom. In our home, there is a tiny light purple pot of echeveria located on the recess of our shutter just above the toilet, the lid of which Maki climbs on every day to water the strong, unyielding plant. Back in my old apartment I shared with Shu, we had the same plant placed exactly on the same spot. Every morning, after waking each other up, trying not to be late for classes by catching up on last night’s activities, if my memory has yet been corrupted by time, I would stand somewhere around the sink, brushing my teeth with one hand, while the other wandered on Shu’s body as he was on his toes to water the small echeveria. The fact that he trembled to my touch piqued me to go further and we often ended up running our lives to university. He always threw a tantrum whenever such incidents happened. I still remember his slim body swimming in my white t-shirt, his figure leaning on the door frame that led to our balcony in a crispy morning. The shimmering lustre lit up the curves of his body underneath that t-shirt. I held my breath as I couldn't help but gaze. Only one thought occupied my mind and it was, “I can't imagine a life without this person”. At that time, we had come so far from the moment we met at that bus stop. Sometimes, I wonder if he had moved on, no longer lingered to the past. Does he still keep a part of me like I do to him? Like that pot of echeveria. “No, dad. I can go to school on my own, with my friends!” My lips make much effort not to form a crooked smile when I see the neighbours’ children calling out for Maki as they all walk to school together. The oldest one in the group salutes me, my head nodding to it like a malfunction robot. From these minor details, I’ve come to realise that Maki is growing up each day, a bit farther from me each year. I will probably end up a lonely grumpy old sag. It’s difficult to find a partner who does not mind Maki’s existence whilst her being my sister’s unwanted child just complicates it the more. I cannot bear staying at home by myself. Hallucinations of the past always surround me, cups of whiskey appealing to my mind as droplets of alcohol lead this miserable, forlorn self. I have a history on being a drunk yard when Maki was small, yet to learn how to speak, myself being a penniless, hasty, vulnerable and heartbroken youth who got tangled in the mist of perfecting a new algorithm that can be used to make economics forecast. Back then, I was obsessed with pursuing opulence. The landlord, an amiable lady octogenarian, without prejudice, had assisted us both during those privations. She passed away last year, the building pulled down and we moving to our new apartment as the algorithm was finally completed. The sky is a mixture of grey and blue swirling together, its clouds drifting sluggishly in the form of large cotton balls. The earth emitting the petrichor scent of raindrops crashing against dry soil indicates that there might be a thunderstorm coming although the weather seem to be on edge this entire month. For precaution, I take a small umbrella with me for I usually take a train to work. No sooner does I set foot on the wide walking street than the storm comes down. The bloody umbrella does not open, ignorant of my frantic plead. The suit I’m wearing is tailored. Only God knows how much I treasure it and preserve the delicate, costly fabric. The task is a pain for me to be honest. I have no other choice but to randomly enter a café to shelter from the rain. Fortunately, only a few of drops made it to my shoulders before billions of them lurch down the roads, glistening them. I dump the umbrella into the trash bin mercilessly and stroll over to the counter a mocha latte whipped cream with chocolate powder. It is awfully sweet. My eyebrow twitch after the first sip for my taste buds are made for bitterness. However, ever since the day he left me, I have been replacing my usual favourite black with this terribly sweet mocha latte. I choose a seat beside the glass wall looking on the dampening street, people running with the bag on their head. The square table laid diagonally to a dark raised platform on which a girl plays her guitar and sings La vie en Rose. Give your heart and soul to me And life will always be la vie en rose Her voice resembles a joyful chirp of a white-eye. From what I see, she is quite a clumsy one, because she almost knocks down the micro with her musical instrument when she tries to stand up and bow. “Ah! I’m sorry,” she ducks her head continuously, mumbling her apology. A few guests openly chuckle. My gaze parts with the stage to return to the analysis I did last night, checking the numbers all over again to make sure it is flawless. The two girls seated a table from me squirm quietly then make the giddy kind of giggles. I imagine one day Maki would giggle like that when she starts marathon-ing romantic dramas. My lips fail to hold in the adoring curve from spreading on my face. I must look like an old man who swoons over his child in the movies. “Hello,” a small pristine voice follows the taps on the microphone. “OK,” I can hear his uneven breath when he laughs near the windscreen. “This song is called Lemon Tree. I hope you will enjoy it. Thank you.” Something swell up in my throat, gagging me but I refuse to let it show on my face as I watch him from my seat. Where have you been? I want to ask. How have you been? I want to touch his cheek where lies that tiny beauty mark with the back of my palm. I have missed you. I want to tell him. [/td] [/tr] [/table] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffee-Tastic Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 [TABLE=width: 500, align: center] [TR] [TD] Shu Hisakawa Age: 27 Height: 5ft 11in Eyes: Soft blue Hair: Jet black, soft and short Occupation: Barista and entertainer at his local cafe. Sexuality: Homosexual. He has known this early on in his life, never once being attracted to a female. Personality: Friendly, thick skinned, optimistic, but is can also be too tolerant, he's lonely and can neglect himself for the sake of others. Shu could always be described as a bird, being free willed and always wanting to stretch his wings. He is patient with others and very tolerant with the people around him, be it someone of good heart or not. When he was younger, he was carefree and could be quite reckless... Present day, after a wild ride called Life, he is still able to have fun, smile and laugh with others, but Shu's spirit has faded a bit, especially after his connection to Koichi had faded away too.. He tries to stay positive 24/7 but has become less confident than ever before in himself and his talent at times thanks to his "boyfriend", Yusuke, is also the owner of the coffee shop and happens to be quite crude to Shu. Despite this, it’s not often that he cracks from pressure and he can voice his opinion to others well... Shu still loves to meet new people, this being apart of the reason he actually likes working at the coffee shop. And being a singer and guitarist there, he also hopes his music will save him, for it to rescue him from this tough spot he feels he can't get out of. Bio: From when he was young, he always dreamed of living off his favorite things. Whether it was playing and making music or singing, that was all he wanted to do and it was all he did in his spare time when he wasn't studying for the next test or working on physics homework he always complained about being unnecessarily hard. His life was fine with just his music, but after meeting a transfer student, he had fallen in love... They became friends quickly and sure enough, one day he was able to get in bed with the other student. That wasn't the night he had lost his virginity, but to him, it felt so perfect that it might as well been his first time. Feeling nothing but love for this person, the next day, he asked if they could actually become lovers, as anyone else would have. Rejection was new to him and any kind of normal refusal would have hurt, but it wasn't just that. Being told it was just a stupid mistake, that it would never work, Shu's heart had literally split in two. Nothing he's felt in him hurt so much, it surprised him how much heartbreak could affect him. He had actually cried for once and every bit of him felt cold, his fingers going numb and being unable to even play the strings of his guitar... Though the other surprise from heartbreak was his quick decision to seek comfort from someone else. That decision just happened to be the best he's made in life at that time. At a lonely bus stop, he had been accompanied by another young man who was handsome and something nice about the aura around him. Shu wanted every bit of that aura and got it without even planning it. Seeing each other randomly without notice, he'd always joke about how it must meant to be. And... then it really did feel like that... They fell in love and it all felt so right. It wasn't one sided, Shu was freely able to show his love, hugging his lover all the time and kissing his cheek whenever he wasn't looking, he had never been happier. His dream of the future had now not only included his love for music and song, but it also had Koichi, that special person's name, all over it. Every time after he went back home after spending time with him, he'd feel butterflies in his stomach. And for college, they even were able to move in together. God, it felt unreal. Too good to be true. Ah, and he wished that it could remain unreal for a little while longer. The real world had caught the both of them by the neck, choking the both of them into suffocation to the point it was increasingly impossible to spare a breath with each other. University was incredibly hard for Shu and he had to study for 5 hours just to cram two hours worth of information in his head, and even then, sometimes things would escape from his knowledge and then he'd have to study more. He stayed on campus for huge periods of time and would more than likely come home wanting to sleep. It was difficult to know that no matter how hard he tried, it would never be enough to pass tests let alone exams. And for Koichi, he was the only one working on top of his own classes. Shu really wished he could help, but if he didn't spend all of his time in his studies, he'd fail and make more college money from his parents go to waste. It had been one bad day to ruin everything, Shu was told that if he didn't pass the calculus exam the next day, he'd be forced to take a high school level class, one that he still had to pay for, just to be able to be allowed back in. That only meant more money had to go to waste and he didn't want that happening with all the other things still over his shoulder. He focused only on math that day, barely keeping his eyes open from being awake from studying last night. He even forgot he promised Koichi that he'd be there for dinner. He didn't remember than until coming home several hours after he said and he didn't realize it until he came home to a very upset boyfriend. Frustrations clashed back and forth from the beginning, yet it only got worse after the other commented that Shu was lazy for not getting a job to help with the rent. Lazy? He wouldn't call breaking his neck to get average grades to be lazy. Shu's angry face was rare to see and Koichi only would have been able to see it for a few minutes before it all went dark, literally. The power cut off. And then it was Koichi's turn to yell at him again... Back and forth, back and forth, they fought until the two of them had enough. They split up afterwards, Shu going back to live with his parents and... he wasn't sure where the other had went. For a while, a year, he didn't care, but when he did care, that was the time when he wanted to see him and take everything back. No amount of arguing should have been able to do something like this, making him feel like an idiot for feeding into this negativity that made then break up. It made him so happy to get his ex to plan up a reunion, but before he knew it, it was called off. He came to find out that Koichi had a kid to take care of now from his sister... So... He just didn't have the time and he couldn't be bothered with trying to mend things up with the little girl, so Koichi let him know they were really done. As in they should stop talking. He recalled his first heartbreak when he received the message, the pain he felt to be more specific, and realized that he had it good with Koichi unlike before. He shouldn't be so hurt over a good thing that happened in his life... So, he actually did his best to move on. Shu forced himself to return back to his habits of doing nothing but studying despite a heavy darkness in his heart, rarely picking up his guitar nowadays, it slowly collecting dust in the corner of his room. At least he passed that Cal exam he was studying for back then, right? Ah, though... It didn't feel worth it though. He wondered if it would have been different if he came home on time... It might not have, because Koichi still had been doing all the work, Shu still would have tried studying all night and the lights still would have shut off. He tried. But you can't blame someone for wanting those days back when his current life had just been spiraling worse year after year. Entering college at 19, college was costly on his himself and his family, and he even failed more than one semester, which made his parents extremely upset. Shu just didn't have the heart to study math, science, history or anything he had to do there... One thing that didn't change for him was wanting to use his talent as a living. Failing his last year, he told his parents he refused to go back to college, still in his third year at the age of 23. His mother and father never were positive when it came to their son wanting to make a career out of his music and Shu never knew the extent of that until they told him he had to keep trying in school and do better, or else they refuse to keep supporting him entirely. Choosing to support himself, he moved out of home and officially quit school. For year, he did his best to get himself to play at different small locations to pay his bills and that just didn't seem to work. Shu had to move to his friend's house until he found a stable job, which he still thanks that friend to this day for... Wouldn't you have guessed, he still only managed to play in certain spots for short gigs and he was so frustrated to always be told he was lacking something. It was frustrating, but he never gave up, still holding onto his guitar with the same kind of determination he had when he was younger. He knew he'd find his place. He knew it. Finally, one coffee shop he played at, he apparently caught the attention of the owner, not just with his music, but with his face as well. Shu was asked out to a dinner, being charmed with smiles and playful touches. Looking back at it now, he had been dancing deeper into the spider's web that night, allowing the man to take him home and be promised a job at his cafe. A cafe wasn't where he wanted to be for the rest of his life, but Yusuke reassured him, telling him sweetly about how many people come to the shop, he'd never know who might hear his voice... Just like that, he was suckered in. For the second time in his life, he was able to say that it felt too good to be true. And it was proven again to him that the statement was correct. After a few months, he moved in with Yusuke and soon found out that the charming man wasn't as perfect as he made himself to be. Shu was looked down on and the other man would comment ill things about his music. "Good thing you're not all that good to be noticed, it's nice to know I'll always have you around, Shu." Things like that hurt, but he still played for him anyways, still remaining hopeful to his dream. The longer he stayed, the more hard it was to think about leaving. Yusuke would still treat him to nice dinner every once in awhile, he could still be charming and he would always pay for the things Shu needed, which he'd never survive doing on his own, but he still didn't like being more of a treasured song bird than a boyfriend. He was stuck in this trap, playing songs in the cage every day, longing for any ray of sunshine to come back and melt his away the cold from his eyes. More than ever he would think about Koichi and recently, every time he closed his eyes to sing, his heart would go out to that perfect person he missed so much. Everyday Wear: On free days, he wears any casual t shirt with a comfortable blazer, faded jeans and black shoes. His accessories merely include the ring on his finger given to him from Yusuke. Likes: Animals, chocolate, painting for fun, singing, thrillers, spending time in nature, eating out in nice places and attending local artist galleries Dislikes: Alcohol, romance movies, seeing real blood, rainy days, clutter, smelling cigarettes and pickles. Extras: - The ring he was given to him was a special gift, but Shu does not like it because he feels like he's owned by the wrong person. Ever since getting into a fight for not wearing the ring one day, Shu has kept wearing it every day to avoid any trouble with him. - His boyfriend doesn't hit him, but is no stranger to psychological abuse -You will often find dried acrylic paint on his hands or under his fingernails - Shu has a hard time focusing on books and with any kind of small text because of his dyslexia, though he doesn't recognize his problem as this disorder. This did play a part in him failing his college classes. Yusuke Tachinaba Age: 28 Height: 6ft 2in Eyes: Brown Hair: Blond Occupation: Manager of the cafe, "Haiku" Relationship: Shuu's current boyfriend I don't like my break time. I'd much rather be behind the counter making drinks for the nice customers than be forced to take time alone where things usually go wrong. Break time usually meant silence and like with a lot of people, the empty air around your head can make you think too much about things you shouldn't. Silence is my enemy... and my comfort at times. I always prefer being alone on my break than having my free time off work held with an eager Yusuke that somehow can't keep his hands off me on certain days. I'm starting to think that my boyfriend wakes up every morning and determines for himself whether he'll be a filthy dog towards me or just a regular asshole. I have no idea how his brain works half the time and quite frankly I think I want to keep it that way. Yusuke has already shown me a hint of what dark things go on in his huge, inflated head and I don't want to see the extent of where his wickedness goes... Sighing off the heat from my hot chocolate, on my break, I have the silence to coax me and remind me that Yusuke is the only person I have that wants to take care of me. The guy can be the worst person ever to me or the best. Why I can still fall for his charms is beyond me. What can I say? A good looking man who can still take me out to dinner every once in a while and treat me like a royal gets to me. It might be that there's a part of myself that adores to be owned and treasured, but I eventually have to open my eyes and see that I'm still stuck in this place. Yusuke just knows how to make a prison look like it was made out of diamonds. In the months we spent as normal lovers, I genuinely felt like I had found another "him". He was patient with me, he didn't think of me as being stupid just because I had dyslexia, he cherished me and would always tell me how lucky he was to have me. The man practically danced with me into his trap. Almost as soon as I started living with him, I was starting to see how his "luck" of finding me just meant he felt lucky to find someone who wouldn't be able to worm themselves away from him, even if they wanted to. Yusuke has my job, he has the place I live in, he has the money... I don't have anything. I suppose I have my songs, but its not enough, its never been enough, and that man knows it. He has my weaknesses written on the back of his hand as well as my strengths. And you know a good villain when you have a man that can use all of your qualities to his own advantage. Yusuke loved to bring me up on a cloudy day and bring me down on a sunny one, it was his method of keeping balance as my captor and my savior. Only he would ever be the kind of person I can hate with all of my soul, but then be able to lay with and hold for comfort. Its not right. I'm too far into this, the feeling is like black, all-consuming tar I'm trying to escape from with no true promise of a brighter day. In the solitude I have in keep for a few more minutes, I'm not surprised that when I think of Yusuke, my thoughts move towards the memories I had with someone else, the only person I can actually say I loved. That's Koichi. Its always easy to tell myself it doesn't do me any good to remember that man, but when you're life isn't exactly rainbows and sunshine anymore, you tend to think back to when it was. Everything went downhill when me and him had college to deal with, it was hard enough for me to pass secondary school. I was willing to work even harder to maintain my grades in college, that kind of thing wasn't easy in itself though. It consumed all of me with little reward and to top it off, I couldn't even help Koichi keep our apartment. If I had the ability to get a job with my studies, I would... if I was able to, things wouldn't have fallen apart. That was a fact. No matter what I can try to tell myself, it is my fault that we didn't make it. I'd like to apologize to Koichi about my sin, but it wasn't any use. Us splitting up for good clearly meant that it didn't matter any longer who's fault it was. "Shu?" There it was. The voice of the man that can always suck me back into the reality. "Mika's about to be done with her performance, you're coming down aren't you?" I look behind me from the couch and see my blond haired prince looking at me with expectation. For that face, I purposefully take a long drink of my cocoa just to delay my response. Yusuke can tell what I'm doing and rolls his eyes as he comes towards me, "Yes, Yusuke dear, I'm coming down right now because I want to be prepared for when its my turn to bless the cafe patrons with my pretty face and voice~" He spoke for me and took away my mug, speaking sweetly now, "Good. That's exactly what I like hearing." With a heavy sigh, I lick the cream off the corner of my lips and stand up, I almost laugh from Yusuke's attempt to be playful. It always somehow still comes across as being douchie. "Yep, you're welcome," I want to just go downstairs and avoid any more chatter from him, but when I try to scoot past him to the staircase, my waist is pulled and the blond pulls me in. I'm sure that if I hadn't just swallowed down a good majority of the hot chocolate, it could have spilled from his rough actions. Here was a moment where I stared at Yusuke, waiting for something to happen while the man looked at me with a loving smile. I recognized this before as pure love, but now I can only see it as what it really was. He just liked to admire his prized possessions. The way he looked at me was so much different, it hurt to think of it when I looked at Yusuke's face. "...You going to let me do my job or what?" I ask, my neutral expression forcing into a little smirk. "Hmf." Yusuke huffed, shaking his head before kissing the lips he owned, giving a lick that makes me want to pull away, but I endure, "You like the Godiva mix I got for you? Every time I kiss you, that seems to be the only thing I can taste." That gourmet hot chocolate mix? Sure I was guilty of liking it, but I've long since stopped feeling unworthy of the expensive things he got for me, after all, its kind of like the price of keeping me stuck here. Though it wasn't exactly like expensive hot chocolate mix could make a dent in his fiances. Yusuke's family had a lot of money, that's how he managed to buy himself the cafe and nice studio apartment above it. Both were simple in style but if you looked into the details, you can tell that nobody Yusuke's age could have paid for this all without having an upper hand... I can imagine that the guy thinks I feel tied to him mostly because of the money, but I know that its possible to live happily without being with a rich snob that manages a coffee shop. "Well its not expensive for no good reason," I muttered back, managing to wriggle away from Yusuke's chest, but still I give him a kiss on the cheek to appease him, "Alright. I'm going on now... You can finish the mug if you want." "Ooh. I feel so honored~" Yusuke chimed, leaning on the couch and drinking up the cocoa. I can feel him watching me leave as always, I don't know what bothers me more about it, the fact that he stares at me so often or the fact that I no longer care if he does. Little things like that, I've gotten used to since I know he can do worse than stare at me. Making my way downstairs, I take my waiting acoustic into my hands and start to tune it up while listening to Akane soon come to a closing of her song. My current guitar was, indeed, a gift from Yusuke as well, but it wasn't a gift I liked too much. For one, I questioned why he got a new one when I already had a fully functioning guitar. And then I noticed that my guitar was nowhere to be found. Yusuke got rid of it since "it didn't shine" anymore and he, for some reason, assumed I really wanted a new one. It took me a long time to get used to it. My old instrument had been with me for long years, it even was around long enough to remember Koichi like I do. I should have been more heartbroken at the loss, I really should have. For me, instead of seeing it as Yusuke throwing away apart of myself, I took it as Yusuke throwing away apart of my history to make room for my current reality. And I think that's what helped me get used to this new one and try my best to get along with it. With the strings tightened to my preference, I walk out, smiling at Akane, who was flustered from hitting the mic. She was a real cutie and I was envious of her because unlike myself, she wasn't bound to this place. I truly hope that she can have a happy life from now to when she takes her last breath. I feel like I should have taken a few spare seconds of my silence upstairs to figure out what I'd be singing but, well, someone else had come up. It was raining inside and out today all because I had to think about Yusuke and then that lead to Koichi. I'd literally give god everything I have just to be able to restart my time with him. I never finished college anyways and my parents didn't want me under their roof after I said I was done. If that was what things led to, when I lived with him, I should have just gotten a job instead of torturing myself with trying to keep up with my classes. I wouldn't have been so busy. I could have helped. Our lights would never had gone out on each other. I wouldn't even mind if we had to take care of a little girl together. "Hello," I tap the microphone with a half heartened smile, "Okay..." A certain song always comes into mind when I end up thinking about what I have now and what I used to have back then in yesterday, making me chuckle. "This song is called Lemon Tree. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you." The only bit of the audience that I notice were the girls looking at me as if I was an idol, and they actually looked happier after I gave them an unintentional gift of a glance. They wouldn't get much of that again since I like to sing with my eyes closed, if they did open, they looked at the strings that vibrated under my pick and fingertips. It probably wasn't any good to use this as a method of song, for my own sake and sanity, but I do use that one man as a way to make my voice reflect the window of my heart. I don't mind being personal with the people of the cafe, they either just heard my voice to please their ears or they actually did appreciate what came off of the stage when I was up here. "I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you, but nothing happens and I wonder..." What am I supposed to be expecting anyways? Its been so long. Koichi has his own life now and he doesn't need me anymore. I have Yusuke in his place now, he doesn't fill it up in the same way, but I can't have both of them. "I feel so lonely. I'm waiting for you, but nothing happens and I wonder..." No... It doesn't even feel right to put my current boyfriend in the same plane as Koichi. I barely like to consider Yusuke as my boyfriend, even if by standard, we are in a relationship. I know what real love is like and I miss it. I miss it. Why do I always bother fooling myself to think that things have to be like this... "Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky and all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree. I'm turning my head up and down, I'm turning turning turning turning turning around and all that I can see is just another lemon tree." Is it not a perfect song to sing when it's raining inside and out? I think so... Upon singing heartfelt lines, I eventually open my eyes after the last line and strum. I half expect my eyes to be watery, I've trained my eyes to hold that in a few years ago though. The only thing I deserved to cry for was when I realized that I couldn't have Koichi back. Nothing has been worse than that, so there was no other valid reason for me to shed a tear. The first worst thing for me was being rejected by my crush. Then it was Koichi. Something real shitty had to happen for me to cry these days. My eyes drift up from my guitar to the mic, then to the small applaud from those who listened to me. I'm always grateful to see that people enjoy my songs and if it weren't for this satisfaction, I might have just kept to being just the barista. Either way I still get to make others happy, that's what mattered the most here on this floor of Yusuke's kingdom. Down here on this floor, I felt more free. The blond loved to mess with me in the privacy of upstairs, he would never actually do any of that here. Saving my guitar pick in the instrument by lacing it through two of the nylon strings, I bow my head and lean to the mic, thanking the people and looking over everyone for a brief moment, "Thank..." Then see someone with pure, earthy eyes and calm colored brown hair. "You..." That person... Koichi? My confusion and shock get passed on to the others looking at me, my silence get to them too until I force my eyes away from... him... and bow again. I'm not the clumsy type, but I make the same mistake that Akane makes and bumps the mic stand with my guitar as I do so, "H-haha, s...sorry," I chuckle and make my way off the light, "Thank you." I don't want to look again, fearing that what I saw was my first hallucination of my ex prince. My own eyes betray me as soon as I take a few steps away from the performing space, staring at Koichi with lost eyes for a few moments before heading off to the back to put my guitar to rest. I really can't believe it and I don't know what I wanted to do first, pinch my arm, hide away or run to that man and squeeze him for all he was worth to me. In a sudden situation like this, the desperate Koichi-shaped burn in my chest was making every bit of me feel hot and cold at the same damn time, it was a serious feeling that I don't even know what to do with. Koichi has been what I've wanted and missed a lot more since Yusuke's true nature came out, but what now...? I've always wanted him back. And look, there he was. What do I even do? Why was he here? Was he specifically looking for me? What did he want? God. I don't know. Placing my instrument in it's case for the time being, I'll take it upstairs another time, I put on the serving apron over my uniform and give myself spare breaths to rest away my initial shock. And my shock becomes tinged with a bit of anger. Why was he here? I don't know how things will go with him, but I think I'm beginning to feel like I'd be better of if the idea of Koichi only remained alive in his head. I can't have him after all, now can I? I have a job to keep, I don't have anywhere to go if I threw myself at Koichi, who must still have that little girl to take care of. Yeah... that man was still unattainable no matter what at this point, even if I really did want everything back to what it used to. I can never lay with him again, he'll never be the one I come home to and we still no longer hold a future together... Well, never did I ever want a dream to stay a dream. I come back out to the front, but I don't force myself to talk to Koichi yet. I came off of break, I played and now I had to work the register. If he decided to leave... it might be for the best. I wouldn't go after him. But I try to focus on my first customer and I notice what Koichi is drinking, the kind of thing he'd never try. With a deep sigh, I rewire the wrench in my face, smiling back as normally as I can produce to the woman behind the counter giving me an order. After seeing the drink my past lover was drinking, that was the last time I look at him for the remainder of my shift. I don't think I should work while focusing on that man at all, I wouldn't want to mess up orders and all that... "Ah, what was that again ma'am? A medium black? You got it." Black. Koichi always took it like that too, so he must be drinking that mocha to hurt himself or to hurt me. [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xylto Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 [table=width: 500, align: center] [tr] [td] Absentmindedly I have been searching for him in the crowds of people moving on these streets, in the passing cars, in those late night trains, in the city lights, in that small pot of echeveria and in the songs you’ve always sung. Often do I ponder on where he was, how he was and who he was with. In odd hours, I reminisce about him, his entire being only. I have existed almost thirty years, witnessed thousands of sunrises and twilights yet never come across one as mesmerising as his eyes slowly fluttering open to greet the morning light. The white and blue hue adorned his porcelain skin as Shu lied there gazing at me sleepily, quietly then all at once beatifically. His lips spread into a lazy yet ever so charming curve as if he was an ethereal existence captivating me every time. Many years have I longed for a chance of our reunion. ‘Now here I am looking at you but fail to call out your name – a name for years I’ve not said out loud,’ I drink down the last drop of his latte, a twinge of impuissance lurking in my chest as I silently watch him sing the same song he sang on our first encounter, the beginning of our series of coincidence. He seems to have put on some weight, his features more defined and different from the Shu in my memories. Healthier. Better. And admittedly, in retrospect, my own life before the separation was materially less than mine now while slowly deteriorating inside. If Maki were not to be born, I have thought of this scenario countless time in the first few months of babysitting Maki for her irresponsible mother, nothing would change honestly. Even if I had been free of parenting and pursued Shu instead, our hypothetical reunion would only be a temporary resolution before things started to fall apart once more. Prior to Maki, I was impatient and superficial, drawn into the chase for money because of our penniless state. When you are suddenly thrown into poverty after all those time living with no worries about a lack of substance, you are inevitably embraced by desperation and something on the border of epiphanies that this medium of exchange could save everything and kill everything. It may not be able to buy you true feelings but it absolutely can destroy them. People can only satisfy their spiritual needs after fulfilling their physical ones. Simply speaking, one cannot enjoy a performance if their stomach is empty and growling. If such were to happen, one would definitely seek for food then could he focus on musical appreciation. Bitterness fills me despite the lingering sweet taste of mocha latte as it dawned on me that we might be better off without each other. It has been seven years already. I am not that heedless of the ring on his finger or the polite avoidance he’s given. It must have been hours that I’ve spent just sitting in this coffee shop idly savouring the soft tender sound of guitar, hours that I’ve spent to convince myself that I should let go, hours of staring at the empty glass of his favourite mocha latte. Logically a pang of hurt is supposed to wrench my inside, breaking every bone in my body but right now I sense nothing. I have cried in my drunk too much to have anything left at all to roll down on my cheeks. I have broken too many objects that such methods no longer take effect on me. I have gotten into uncountable fights to remember how it felt like to be punched for my body got used to it. What is left of my heart is too restless to even attempt to feel anything. I sway the leather strap of the Seiko watch around my wrist, drops of rain still trickling down the glass plane in crooked lines as I stare into the hazy reflection of my impassive mien, seeing the past again. I’m standing in an empty white box. In the left corner placed our cheap tiny fridge on which scattered plenty pieces of magnets. We bought it from a night market, hand in hand, fox masks hiding our faces. I remembered his giggles when I picked it up from the kiosk. It was a large bag consisted of countless little words which we arranged into short lines of confession on the fridge. His image appears before me in the confined cube. He is in one of my old white tee, always swimming in the oversize shirt. My hand reaches out to touch him but passing right through, unable to feel the warmth of his skin albeit yearningly and he is oscillating from side to side, finger grazing the words. His lips curves upwards gently into a chaste smile, as if he has found the right letters, glinting in his eyes is contentment. He keeps looking at it with adoring expression before aligning a new phrase which induces me, the selfish me, to grab his wrist in fear of his evanescence. The heat startles me as my fingers wrap around his porcelain skin, tightening. I don’t know what kind of expression I’m having on my face because he looks so surprised for a moment then breaks into a soothing smile. The words on the fridge slowly become tangible in front of my eyes. “Me, too. Always.” The call brings me back to reality, the name Perfectoshi flashing above his picture, an elegant countenance that belies terrible ideals in life, especially in relationship. He doesn’t know how to commit. “What is it?” I say which immediately has a sighing response. “Is this how you greet your best friend?” Toshi banters with a hint of laughter. “You texted me, saying you would come. It’s almost noon and you are nowhere to be found. Of course, I got worried. What if you got your full of responsibility self in an accident? That would be awful, awful.” “I’m still alive, one piece. Still worried?” I chuckle. His nature is chatty and an odd sense of humour. We studied in the same university yet our first encounter occurred half a year after the graduation ceremony as he went out to buy his little baby niece a cute pink fairy dress which happened to the last one. Fairy dresses was a big deal for little girls four years ago. My daughter was no exception. So I had quite a bickering with Toshi over something we had to concede to a granny later. Somehow our friendship harboured whilst we hunted down the outfit for our girls together like two delinquent uncles. He was the final piece in the puzzle to my algorithm. We started the company together. “A bit disappointed now,” he drones. “Will you come in the afternoon?” “I will. No worries,” I confirm. Despite his idiosyncrasies, Toshi is a meticulous and caring individual for women can’t be enticed by a purebred douche. “I was surprised when you said Maki wouldn’t let you walk her to school,” he chats. I pinch the bridge of my nose, recollecting her defiant face which was radiating dismissal. “I know,” I can’t help but sigh, feeling my lips formed another dopey smile. “Listen, I’ll rant about this misery later. I have to do something.” “Picking up ladies?” He jokes. “Yeah,” I end the call then flip my bill to its blank side and hastily scribble down my terrible handwriting, a ringtone of new messages buzzing in my pocket. Folded the paper into a neat square, I clear my work-related files from the table and leave the seat, heading for the counter which fortunately has no one in the queue. “I’d like a cappuccino and a mocha latte whipped cream with chocolate powder. Take away, please.” It takes me a minute to calm myself and stop pretending to peruse the menu. The sight of the ring burns its existence in my mind, when I see it on the marble surface of the counter, taking away all of my spirit and boldness. He is living well and happy with his new love. Here I am, wanting to take them all away from him but I won’t no matter how much I covet. I am still hopelessly in love with those red lips, wishing they would bloom into blissful laughter even if it means they would belong to somebody else. And I glance up, finding my counterpart in his eyes. For Shu, It’s been awhile. Would you like to have dinner with me this evening? I’ll be waiting at Tapas Bar in Chuo and won’t leave until you come. --- Koichi [/td] [/tr] [/table] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffee-Tastic Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 [TABLE=width: 500, align: center] [TR] [TD] I was doing my very best to take away the infection in my head that this one certain cafe visitor has brought me. I'd always think about him at least once on a daily basis. It could be a little thing, like remembering the light in his eyes, which I tended to think about when I saw my current boyfriend eyeing me like a steak rather than a treasured coin of gold. I'd think about his laugh after listening to a chuckle Yusuke would give me when he'd tell me how he was glad that I didn't play my guitar like I used to when we first met. These weren't bad thoughts at all. Obviously. But I'd rather not fool myself into thinking I'll ever love someone the same as Koichi. I can be fooled into toxic relationships pretty well, though, at least Yusuke sometimes does pretend to be someone worth my heart. Now that I think about it, as I make another normal cup of coffee for another normal customer, Yusuke is planning to take me to yet another restaurant downtown. One of those places where I need to wear something very nice and the waiters act more like butlers. Whenever we're out in those places, somehow, he reminds be of the blond I first met. Kind, authentic, cute and funny... I've recently started asking myself if he's doing this to renew all the wrong he's done, or he's doing it to always keep my heart in a confused state of loving him and disliking him. My thoughts could also take the form of something amply more distracting. These usually just made me even more sad after the thought passes by or when I'm brought out of my daydreams. Whenever I was alone in our house above the shop, watching TV, at the stove making tea or hot chocolate, or painting by the big glass window beside the living room, I'd sometimes feel a ghost of Koichi with me. On the sofa, he would sit next to me and decide to play with my hair. I loved having him do that to me. Whenever he did something like that, I'd slowly start to dose off just from being so relaxed under his warmth and touch. Sometimes when I made things at the stove, Koichi would appear behind my back, putting his arms around my waist and he guided me gently left and right. It was a sweet, vanilla action, but ,of course, there were other times that existed in which I'd feel something hard against my backside when he pressed onto me. Times where the kisses on my cheek and neck were less chaste and lusty... And finally, when I painted, he would be next to me, trying to guess what the meaning was behind the strokes of my paint brush. I loved his compliments regarding my messy little hobby, even though I never felt my art was too good in the first place. Nowadays, I still do paint. I can look at my hands now and see dried smudges of dried green and light blue acrylic on the side of my palm and some purple under my nails... but I get silent critiques from the blond when he walks past me. And I always have a pretty good idea of what he probably thinks of how good it is based on what he thinks of my singing and guitar chords. I try not to complain about that too much. No matter what, Yusuke still does fund my hobby, which isn't a cheap one to say at the least. Canvases, paint, brushes, gauche... pricey stuff, especially when my boyfriend only insists on purchasing from the expensive brands, and I've long since stopped trying to get him to stop spending so much every time we go out together and when he gives me money to go by myself, I no longer feel shy in spending every bit of it. He might be doing it all the time to make me feel happy. The same way a dog owner likes to buy new toys for their precious dog every now and then. Whatever the case, as long as he keeps doing that, I don't have to protest. With a sigh at the thought and like always with my thoughts, I am ejected from it all the second I see Koichi coming to the counter. Absentmindedly, I look to towards the front doors, wanting there to be someone, anyone, to come in to get behind the brunet so that this encounter won't go as bad as I think it would and for it to go faster than I think it would. I kept looking at the door until there was no sight of a stranger savior and with Koichi at my counter, I could feel my composure weakening and I can no longer manage the bright, fake smile I was able to manage beforehand. I nearly keep myself from shuttering hearing his voice again. For the first time several years. A gulp passes my Adam's apple hearing his stupid order of a cappuccino and mocha with... whipped cream... chocolate powder... He must be doing this to harm me. I understand I messed up big time. I ruined our lives, I made the lights go out and I because a heavy burden to him... But how dare he come up to me and make my chest hurt like this, asking for my drink, a drink that I know he wouldn't even enjoy. I nod at his order anyways, it was my job... Koichi still was looking at the menu so I waited silently waiting if he was going to order something else, to which I'd normally just ask, but I'm afraid of what my voice would sound like if I tried to open my mouth. The man's eyes lower down to the counter for whatever reason. I didn't think much of it until I noticed there was something more depressing in his chestnut eyes. Looking down, I realized it was my ring. The symbol the world commonly recognized as a love and dedication to the ring giver. The metal on my finger suddenly felt like it was scolding against my flesh, just as it had when it was bestowed on me for the first time. I could hear my weakening heart saying no, no, no. But what point would there be in telling Koichi anything regarding the ring or the person who I belonged to? Just because my prince had shown up again doesn't mean I'm capable of being saved again... Seeing the other's eyes like that, I had a feeling he ordered my kind of drink for a different reason besides spite like I thought. How did it feel to see your love wear a ring of someone else? I didn't even want to imagine that for myself, though I do bet that Koichi must have found a decent partner by now. He's gotten a lot more handsome with the years gone as well. If I wasn't the performance just some time ago, I bet those girls might by fawning over him instead. My blue eyes only glanced at my ring before returning to Koichi's face, and in the next moment, his gaze met mine. There was no need to put into question what my heart was going through in the moments I spend staring at him, but I could feel that my eyes showed enough. I was good at hiding my emotions on a normal day, though this wasn't a normal day now was it? I never expected the love of my life to walk in my lover's cafe. Not ever. I didn't want to let that expression sink too deeply on my face, so I backed off from the counter with my head turning away first before the rest of my body did, "It'll just take a minute," I say, thankfully without a quiver or crack. I don't want him to be here any longer, getting the cups quickly. The faster I get the order done, the faster he'll be on his way out... I don't even try to think too deeply in the grim imagination of a world where Yusuke finds out about my relation to this person, it just wouldn't be good for myself to think of all possible things to go wrong with Koichi popping up this one time. And I do hope it will just be this one time. My capabilities to keep him from wanting to come back are at none. I work here and live here as well, a two hit with one strike. The only way I can keep him from wanting to come back is aggressively telling him to keep away. I put the two cups in a light cardboard carrier and set it back on the counter. Noticing a note that was set near me that wasn't there before, I push the coffees closer to Koichi and take the, what I assume strongly is, a note when I pull my hand back to my side of the counter. My first instinct was to crumple it up quietly and put it in the trash besides me, but it ends up in my back pocket instead. A sting of self disappointment hits me with my inability to refuse a little note. I suppose that's the part of me that still thinks my life can go back to how things used to be just because he appeared, as if fate had something to do with it. I don't know what part of me is that idiotic, but I can take a guess because it was beating sickeningly fast in my chest currently. I speak as little as can, only thanking Koichi for his patronage and biding him a good day as I did with every customer, and I become thankful that nobody has come in now so I can have the opportunity to take a breather. I read the note, but only after my shift was over and when my bath upstairs was over. Yusuke remained on this level as well, but he was still on his computer. If he was planning on bothering me soon, he'd have to wait because I treasured my time in the bath, it was pretty much the only conscious time I have where I can enjoy having this promise ring off my finger. It didn't mean too much to have it off, after all, I still belong to my boyfriend, but it was a little freedom. Just a little... I'd take it off whenever he wasn't around, but simply after making him very upset that I went out to a friend's party without it, it just became natural to keep it on. Yusuke treated my mistake, as he put it, as if I were a wife removing her wedding ring and going to the club in secret. With me, I had only forgot to put it on after a shower because I was running late. Seeing how Yusuke reacted to such a thing, it really got me to think that he must really believe I legitimately belong to him. So I kept the ring on. It was my acceptance to it, not my consent or my agreement, but my acceptance of the matter. With the note in mind, I did dress to spend dinner out. Sadly, I choose to keep the ring on, though I have a strong feeling that Koichi wouldn't like seeing the single silver cuff on the middle finger on my left hand. I had no intention of trying to hurt him with it, so I only told myself that I'd just keep my left hand under the table as much as I could for his sake. Koichi didn't mean to hurt me getting the sugary coffee, so I didn't have a reason to flaunt this ring around for him to be constantly reminded that I belong to someone else. I dressed myself in nothing fancy, since this wasn't a date or anything close to it. My lack of high attire didn't make Yusuke alarmed when I said I was going out to meet with a friend, which was true, but he still got up from what he was doing to bid me farewell. I lean towards him when he comes and kiss his lips as his arm wraps around my small, "Will you be gone for long?" He asked, grinning, "I still have to finish up a few things but I was hoping to spend some you and me time~" "I'm not sure, but It won't be soon, I'm sorry," I give a small smile. The thing was, I had a lot of time before I should go... Was I going to stay here and wait for Yusuke to grab me first? Not really. But he didn't know any of that. "You were going to take me out soon weren't you though? I'll make it up to you then, Yusuke." "Tomorrow," he responding in a correcting tone, "Tomorrow is our date. Don't you pay attention to anything I tell you..." He chuckled and let go of me, touching my chin to lift up my face to him, "If you want to make it up to me, get creative for me, won't you? It's starting to get a little boring." Smirking, he kissed my lips, making me want to sigh heavily right into his face. I sweet talk my boyfriend to make him let me leave, but it happens and I take myself to the library to kill some time, it not even being past 17:00. When it was time, I made my way to Chuo. To Tapas Bar. I come inside and I look around, noticing the person that has haunted my thoughts for years and today even more than before. And... a little girl. If I remembered correctly, she was Maki. With her being so young, I questioned how long Koichi planned to stay when he wrote down how he wouldn't leave until I came. Didn't she have a bedtime or something... Well I wasn't a parent, I didn't know how things went. I guess he might feel lucky that I didn't come around too late to begin with. Coming closer, I really was able to see how much she resembled Koichi, and it actually made her look all the more cuter in my opinion. She looked like a sweet little girl. I wore a bittersweet smile upon approaching, keeping my left hand in my blazer pocket, doing as I said I would, waving gently hello, "Hello, I hope I didn't keep you two waiting too long..." I chuckled, putting myself in a seat at the table. [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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